What I used to do with my son is to have a pre-set number of consequences set by him for not listening. First I would sit him down when he's well behaved and ask him, in a simple way that a 3 1/2 year old would understand, what he thinks his consequences should be the next time he doesn't listen. Believe me, children being very straightforward and simple-minded will tell you exactly what matters to them. Then when he comes up with maybe 3 things (e.g., taking away his favorite dinosaur, no Sponge Bob for the day, or no cookies for dessert) that you will do the next time he doesn't listen. You explain to him that he has the power here, when he chooses not to listen to you, he is choosing one of those three consequence.
Key word here is CHOICE. His choice.
During this time the "consequence rule" won't sink in with him yet because the act of "not listening" has not occured yet.
But believe me when it actually happens, he will scream, or cry or throw a fit or tantrum, and all you have to say is "I am sorry pumpkin, I don't want to take Dino away but you choose to not listen". Go one step further and empathize with him, remind him about what you discussed earlier, tell him how much you hate having to punish him but you are powerless here because he is the one that made the decision. Become his ally, make him see that you are on his side on this one. In all honesty we all hate having to punish our kids.
This method I find empowers the child, and hopefully makes them realize that "punishments" don't just happen, they choose for it to happen and they can stop it from happening.
Next time when he doesn't listen, all you have to say is "Pumpkin, are you choosing not to listen again? I really hate to have to take dessert away tonight, but it's up to you".
2006-12-01 09:07:50
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answer #1
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answered by LL66 1
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I have found that making them stand in the corner with their arms down, against their body for a few minutes really works. Sense he is 3 1/2 yrs old i'd make him stand their for 3 to 4 minutes. If he doesnt stand still with his nose in the corner or starts talking re-start the time for another 3 minutes until he does what he's told. I do this on my 8 year old nephew when he acts up at my house. He has learned to behave in my house and in my presence because i will disapline him, even if his parents don't. My daughter hates it too, and is normally well behaved afterwards. Afterwards talk to him and tell him what he did that was wrong and how to correct it. being consistant is the key...good luck.
2006-12-01 18:59:25
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answer #2
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answered by Lena 2
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I have a master's degree in behavioral education and have worked with many preschoolers with behavior problems and taugh university level classes. I'd like to think this makes me an expert. You don't need to spank your child to get him to behave. At this age they need you to be specific (Go to the kitchen for dinner, now) and then given a countdown (5, 4, 3, 2, 1). If you get to 1, there needs to be a consequence (timeout, t.v. turned off, toy taken away for a short amount of time) and if they do what you asked - REWARD HIM. Give him praise, hugs, kisses -make him laugh and have fun that he did what you wanted. You must be consistent as well as other caregivers if you want him to listen the first time. Best of luck to you!
2006-12-01 17:48:30
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answer #3
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answered by bibliobethica 4
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All I can say is, Naomi Aldort! Read her book, "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" She has a wonderful website, as well as thenaturalchildproject.com! Good luck! And great job in not spanking, yelling, timing out, and looking for a better way. It's hard, but it will pay off for you entire family in the long run, after all the other spanked and yelled at kids begin lying and sneaking behind their parent's backs around age 10. There is a better way! I hope I pointed you in the right direction!
Also, to the "expert" in behavioral sciences, the courses you took are not parenting courses that work towards forming loving relationships with infants and children! They are courses that teach you how to mentally control people! I am sorry, behavioral/mental control is not what a FREE/DEMOCRATIC country should be teaching any people and its study is hypocritical to the supposed philosophy of this country. It has been proven over and over again that punishments don't work with children within loving families in the long run! Maybe with rats, but not with children! Taking away children's beloved material goods, puts way too much importance on the goods-not to mention that you are teaching your child to take back things they gave out of love and joy when they are unhappy with someone. Please read Alfie Kohn, a great observer and educator, who has written many articles based on loved children's behavior, not lab rats or human "subjects".
2006-12-02 03:35:51
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answer #4
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answered by chicalinda 3
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Have you thought about a sticker chart? Reward him for the times he DOES listen and when you start getting into a battle where you can see he's heading off in that direction of no return, remind him. "If you listen to mommy then you can get another sticker on your chart! You only need 2 more stickers and you can pick out a special treat!" Have a box ready full of some favorite things, try not to use candy or if you do mix it with toys. I use candy, but I know it's not recommended to reward or punish with food. Best of Luck!
2006-12-01 18:07:48
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answer #5
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answered by Concerned Mom 2
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Take a time-out with him. Sit down together and just hold him. Tell him you guys will sit there until he decides he will listen. If he's screaming or crying just stay calm. He'll feed of of you. The best thing is consistency. Whatever means you choose to discipline him with do it every time--no matter where you are or what you are doing.
I'm not against spanking but I do feel if you use spanking often it is no longer effective.
2006-12-01 16:15:20
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answer #6
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answered by .vato. 6
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I have a son the same age. I don't like spanking either because there usually is a better solution.
He seems to get wrapped up in what he's doing or doesn't want to hear me. I tell him to look at my eyes. I pretty much force him to do it - kneel down and turn his shoulders to me. I also ask him when I'm done if he heard me, and still sometimes he doesn't. I try to keep it short and sweet, but make sure he's heard. Then, if I've asked him to do something and he still won't, he gets a punishment - very occassionally a swat on the butt - and when he does listen, I try to reward him with something like a special snack or time with a toy he loves but only gets to play with when he's listening and obeying me. (We went shopping for it together and it was the toy he just loves.)
This seems to have helped. You have to remember that kids do have their own personality and will want to test limits, so just be consistent. They are always going to have good days and bad days, just like we do as adults, so I try to not overdo it if he's just having an off day ... he may not have slept well or something.
2006-12-01 16:21:11
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answer #7
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answered by M H 3
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I've recently been in the same boat and found that spanking works. I only had to spank him a few times. Now if I just ask him "Do you want a spanking or do you want to put your toys up, you have a choice" he usually listens. Maybe if you swat his hand insted. Good luck.
2006-12-01 16:18:59
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answer #8
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answered by Just Amber 3
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cosistansiy is the key I know it is tough but your are sending mixed messages when you try a bunch of forms of disipline. He needs to know that when you don't like what he is doing he needs to mind. Put him in timeout and talk to him about waht he is doing wrong and make him apologize. But before you make him apologize talk to him about what he did ask hom what he did and make him think about it. If he gets up make him sit back down but you have to be consistant or it will never work. Spanking and yelling is not the answer it juast makes your problems worse
2006-12-01 17:23:05
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answer #9
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answered by BabyDolll128 3
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Try a reward system or sticker chart. Each time he listens He can put a sticker on his chart . If he collects so many stickers in a week he can get a prize (You can get cheap things from any dollar store). He'll be listening real hard to try and earn those stickers!
2006-12-01 16:30:18
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answer #10
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answered by party_pam 5
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