We have been getting close for some time now, and the other day I told her that I have fallen for her in a big way. she told me that she has also. we did date when we were younger, for a bit but I have to move away form her, so we ending it.
she has been married for the past 2 years, and is not happy with him, has has told me that she wishish she never married him.
What makes things harder is that her hubby is a good friend of mine.
I realy wont to be with her, but dont know what to do.
2006-12-01 07:37:44 · 36 answers · asked by john k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have not had sex, and I would not, until she had left him and is devorced!
2006-12-01 07:50:50 · update #1
Say 3 Hail Marys, 2 Our Fathers, and do something nice for your friend who you are thinking of betraying.
2006-12-01 07:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by Bob 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
She would need to leave him first... not leave him "for you."
Marriage is a unique deal. You can't intrude on it (and you already have) and the fact that he's your "good friend" makes it more difficult.
Back up. If she's that unhappy with him, she will leave him, with or without the "bird in the hand" of going directly from him to you. She needs to deal with her current marriage before jumping into another relationship. When things are rocky in a marriage, we all look back on what "could have been." The grass always looks greener back there too....
It could be that your relationship would have ended eventually too... even badly.... but you are able to romanticize it now because it was circumstances that separated you... not a fight or anything.
Wait until she's free..... if she ever is... and then make whatever moves you are comfortable making given the fact that her husband is your friend. Anything else would be cheating all three of you of the appropriate order and grieving and adjustment process that needs to be carried out for you to ever have a chance at a healthy relationship with this woman.
If you think you might want to be with her long term... respect her and yourself, your friend and all the relationships enough to take the proper time to end and begin appropriately.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-01 07:45:06 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's tough, but here it is: move away again, man. Love is supposed to be a good thing, so it shouldn't bring destruction. That doesn't mean, though, you must abandon your hopes.
It may sound soppy, but I believe that if your love, yours and hers, is really true and not merely an infatuation, it shall persevere, no matter what happens.
Therefore, I suggest you let her sort things out for a while, see if she deeply believes in what she told you, while you do the same on your side. Think of how long you'd be able to wait for her, what you'd do for her, that's what love's all about. The love and consideration you both must have with her husband is also a measure of how committed to being together you can be, and of how good it can be.
She must only divorce if she believes she'd do it irrespective of your presence. The possibility that she finds herself worse-off if she starts dating you is a burden you shouldn't carry, and you both must be free not to marry each other just because she left her husband.
Then, if you find her free and still wanting you, you'll still have to think of what her former husband, your friend, will think about it. Chances are you'll lose this friend and some others in the process.
Concluding, I encourage you to pursue your dream, but do it with all correctness and consideration with all parts involved. Leave you both some time for deep soul searching and, if you continue on that, be prepared for the consequences.
2006-12-01 09:37:55 · answer #3 · answered by mulatofiddler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do... don't destroy your relationships. Don't betray your friend. Don't cheat with a married woman. If you do, you'll be putting yourself in a bad position. If she wants to leave him, that's up to her. Don't encourage it. Relationships go through ups and downs. There was a reason she married him. Be honorable in the things that you do. Its a hard quality to come by in this day and age. If you cheat with her, what's to stop you from cheating with the next woman that comes along? Do you see how this would look on you? And consider what it'll do to your relationship with your best friend if he feels that you are the fault of his divorce. Back off. Let things cool down.
Wait it out. She can leave him at any time. That's her choice. But don't push and don't beg. Don't put her in a position to choose between the two of you. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Do you want her to do the same to you some day? Let her decide on her own. If she leaves him, wait a little longer. Then sit down and talk to your friend. See how he would feel about you dating his ex. You don't need his approval, but at least talk to him about it at that point so that he understands how you feel.
Plus consider this, she can divorce him at any time. Watch and see what she'll do. The type of women she is may become very important here. Did you consider the idea that maybe she's using you as a release from her married life for a little while but that even if she loves you, she may love him too and not be willing to leave him? Its not unheard of for a woman to look for sympathy from another guy and keep him dangling on the line. I've known guys that its happened to. Where the woman swears she's going to leave her husband for him and just never does. But in the meantime wants to be close to him. Don't put yourself in a compromising position. Everything between you both at this point relies on her choices. Leave it up to her.
2006-12-01 07:50:48 · answer #4 · answered by DanniGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By her not permanently ending her marriage legally through divorce, you are both setting each other up for the fall.
I've always told myself this:
If something was meant to be, it would have happened the first go-around. No second chances, as one tends to repeat the same failures.
If she freely cheats on hubby now, if you two marry, she will do it again - this time cheating on YOU for some other former or new beau. I'd hate for you to wake up with an "I should have known!"
2006-12-01 07:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your story is true, then find someone else. This is ridicilous. Of all the people to fall in love with is with a married women. There are several reasons to run away.
1. She is decieving her husband and that shows her moral standards.
2. She is selfish and cares more about herself than her family.
3. Love is an illusion made by the mind to get us to have sex so we can continue to habitate the Earth. Get away from her, and your brain will eventually fall in love with someone eles.
2006-12-01 07:40:48 · answer #6 · answered by errai14 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off.. You fell in love with your "Good" Friends wife.. Nice job.. Kudos's to you. Personally you need to step back and remove yourself from this situation. Tell this women she needs to settle her life before even thinking of involving herself into any other relationship. She took marriage vows. Even if it was a mistake she needs to clean up her mistakes before she gets into something else with you. Who's to say right now she is weak and might be looking at you like a savior to learn later on down the line your a mistake too the mistake that caused her her marriage? Think about!
Whats sad is the husband is an innocent party to this, YOUR friend and HIS wife.. and he is the one who loses not only his friend but his wife.
2006-12-01 07:43:40 · answer #7 · answered by Issym 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is serious about wanting to be with you then she needs to tell him whats the deal---i am married and have been sorta in this situation and i was with someone else and didn't tell my husband and now regret it----i have a child with my husband now and still married but wished that b4 the child that i would've told him that i found someone that i could relate to better---but i chickened out and now always wonder what if----so if you all are serious and you have no children involved then go for it---DON'T END UP WHERE I AM AND ALWAYS WONDERING WHAT IF
2006-12-01 07:48:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a hard one. I mean she's married AND that's your friend. You can't keep sneaking around w/her but what do you do. You know what, take a break from her, let her sort out her marital issues, you don't want any desicion she's going to make to be based on you because later on down the road she could blame you.
2006-12-01 07:53:25 · answer #9 · answered by sweet_journey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
her hubby isnt a good friend of yours or you wouldnt have gone "there" about your "good friends" wife. a good friend would back off now and if the wife decides to divorce and move on without your influence or using you as a back-up then you can see if you can have a real relationship. but kiss the friendship good bye either way.
2006-12-01 07:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by IvebeenAbadbadgrl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you interested in a woman who gets married and then regrets it 2 years later? What does that say about her? Ever consider that? Her husband is a 'good friend'? Well keep up your interest in his wife and he won't be for long.
2006-12-01 07:42:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋