A close friend is engaged and wants me to be a bridesmaid. She cheats on her boyfriend/future husband, then tells me about like it is no big deal. I do not care what she does but at the same time why should I have spend $300 on a dress, plane ticket, and who knows what else if she is not taking it seriously. I do not want to be involved AT All, It has gotten to the point where I do not want to discuss her wedding plans with her and I ignore some of her calls Help how can I get out without any hard feelings?
2006-12-01 06:56:31 · 30 answers · asked by *sexy mocha* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I went through almost the same thing... and it was the girl's second marriage. Whatever you do or say- she is going to be pissed. Just be prepared to lose the friendship. I told my friend who was my BF since 7th grade... we are almost 30 now that I couldn't afford to be in the wedding. Which was half true, the other half was she was marring a piece of sh*t and I didn't feel like spending $1,000 on her second Marriage (I was in the first one too). She had her FI call me up screaming and cursing at me and they told me I wasn't even invited to the wedding.
Whatever!! Sometime you just outgrow people.... and it sounds like you've outgrown this girl. You don't want to get caught up in all the drama of her cheating... You got better things to do. Good luck!!
2006-12-01 07:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
ugh what a bad spot to be in. I had to turn down an invitation once, and it was uncomfortable to say the least!, until I actually called her and explained that with school I was unable to dedicate the time & money she deserved from her bridesmaids. So my advice? find an excuse! You said you dont want any hard feelings so telling her the truth is a bad idea...of course she will be offended if you tell her you think her marriage will definitely fail! OR you could always take her out & get drunk & tell her the truth then...then it isnt your fault...it was the booze talking! None the less the cat is out of the bag, and you should be off the hook.
2006-12-01 07:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you can. I do however, totally agree with you and if I were in the same situation, I would have to tell her nicely that I didn't want to offend her BUT I cannot justify the investment when the marriage is bound to fail because of her "unmarried-like" behavior. Then I'd let the chips fall where they may. If she's really a Friend she won't hold your honesty against you. And, do you really want a Friend like that? You can't control the actions of others, just yourself. If you can handle her being angry with you and possibly losing the friendship, tell her. Email her, write her a letter, something.
2006-12-01 07:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you just need to be honest with her well, kind of anyway. just tell her maybe even in a joking manner that you really cant afford the dress for a sham of a marriage, and then ask her if she really thinks this is even worth it for HER to get married when clearly shes not serious about him, if she doesnt understand you may have to let her go. remember we are all judged by the friends we keep....so beware. u didnt mention but i was curious how close you are(or i guess arent) to the groom someone should tell him hes making a mistake
2006-12-01 07:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, tough one...
I would start off by explaining to her that a marriage is the bonding of two people who love, appreciate, and respect each other. She obviously does not respect this man if she's cheating on him. She should NOT get married if she thinks thats ok. If she is capable of cheating on him, he is not "the one" for her. I know nowadays, with the high divorce rate...many people dont take marriage seriously, but it is. Maybe she will open her eyes by you little speech. Then, explain to her that because of this you cannot willingly stand by her while she possibly ruins this other person's life. That may be harsh, but it is ruining the guy's life. Imagine how he will feel when he finds out... he's spent time, money, and his heart on someone who he chose to spend the rest of his life with... yet they never felt the same about him. I wouldnt go either, forget about making excuses... sometimes people need to hear things that are not so easy to hear. "Speak now or forever hold your peace"
2006-12-01 07:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by I scream for ICE CREAM!! 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't be honest on this one, unless you want to lose the friendship. Tell her that you cannot be a bridesmaid because of financial constraints. If you can't get away with that, just tell her you don't have the time to dedicate to being the bridesmaid she deserves.
2006-12-01 07:53:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your friend....isn't right?...tell her what you have just said here in the question...you just don't want to get involved in something that will not go through...that doesn't have future with her attitude...and the most important thing...a friend is not the one who will always be telling you good things about your life and the way you proceed....a friend is the one who tell the things as the they are even though that they don't sound as that someone expected
2006-12-01 07:10:56 · answer #7 · answered by Shalom R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off you need to tell the future husband LIKE NOW!!! How would you feel if your husband or boyfriend was cheating on you before the wedding and their best friend never told you. Also you should tell her straight out why you dont want to be in the wedding or tell the groom and have him tell her! Bet she would love that. Good luck and please post back if you do tell him I would love to know! Thanks so much!
2006-12-01 07:25:42 · answer #8 · answered by Tamra 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you could always tell her how much you would love to be in the wedding but financially you just can't do it. Let her know the plane ticket alone is costing you a whole weeks pay and if you had to buy a dress shoes bra and jewlery its gonna break your bank so you would prefer not to be in the wedding
2006-12-01 07:03:13 · answer #9 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell her politely that you're going to be in a foreign country that week and buy a plane ticket. It should be way better to be in Jamaica or somewhere than buy a useless dress you're only going to wear once.
2006-12-01 08:00:26 · answer #10 · answered by Callie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋