Sexual harassment or just a horrid invasion of personal space?

Question

I went up to my professor and asked him a question. As he was answering me he caressed/rubbed my upper arm. I was froze stiff thinking omigosh. He didn't have a learing look and he did it in front of other students like it was no big deal--but it was too friendly. I don't even really know him, I just basically say hi to him twice I week when class meets. He touched my arm before when I asked a question, but I took as no big deal, since a lot of people touch arms while talking. If he would have just placed his hand on my shoulder, that wouldn't have bugged me. It was that he was moving his hand around my upper arm that freaked me out. I never saw him do this to any other students. I have never seen ANY teacher/professor do that to a student before. Heck, even my dad won't do that, unless I am crying my head off and he is trying to comfort me. Other than that, I think it was inappropriate what my professor did. I am not sure if it is considered under sexual harrassment though

Answer 1

Yeah, it's definitely creepy but I don't think it could be classified as "sexual harrassment." Alot of older men do this kinda gesture. Still....I was put in a similar situation at my workplace. My manager was taking my report from me and he grabbed my hand like in a non-chalant manner and was just sitting there holding my hand. I thought, "WTF?!" It wasn't that big of a deal but it made me uncomfortable. So I yanked back as hard as I could and moved further from him letting him know, "This kinda behavior isn't cool." Some men are just nice and touchy/feely and don't mean any harm at all, whereas other men get off on simple pleasures like touching or rubbing because that's all that they can get away with especially in front of other students. If you feel uncomfortable with anything at all, pull away like I did. It worked for me.

Answer 2

Our whole department had to take it a few years ago. My experience was that it did both what Know It All said and what Dark Eyes said. It left a bit of a foul taste in my mouth, by kind of suggesting harassment can only be by men against women. I did like that it gave some accurate information on what is likely to constitute and not constitute harassment. As Dark Eyes said, it's a risk and one people should be knowledgeable about. Our training was department training and wasn't that bad. What really gets under my skin is where some woman inappropriately accuses some guy of harassment so without any evidence, he's sent off to be scolded in some "training" session, while she's basically rewarded for making a baseless complaint. ~

Answer 3

If things happened as you say..I dont believe is sexual harassment, if there was more people why should someone harass sexually if most cases of sexual invasion are done in private.

If you felt it was wrong just take a step away, if he doesnt take distance you can do it, or you can send an eye contact message that you dont like to be touched near the arm.

Also the situation is important, what kind of question was that? maybe that question had to do something with intimacy or privacy or something that made him think about your arm i dont know but this is not sexual harassment under my understanding and my culture, here in my latin american culture is in some places normal to touch hands or shoulders, but there is always a limit and also is important to understand what was his real intention, if you know your teacher from time ago, what was his behaviour before with you?

Answer 4

Actually, touching on the arm is one type of touching that is generally considered okay between teachers and students. My guess is that he was trying to be friendly, although I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "moving his hand around my arm". But the main issue is whether you felt uncomfortable. Next time you talk to your professor, stand away from him a bit. If he touches your arm again, just say something like, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not used to people touching me." Or you could send him an e-mail and say something like, "I noticed that you touched my arm after class today. I just wanted to let you know that it made me feel uncomfortable." If you've asked him to stop and the behavior continues, report the professor to the administration.

Answer 5

I don't know if it's "harassment," but the fact that it made you uncomfortable shouldnt' be ignored. The next time you need to ask him a question, stay out of his personal space. If you can do so, put an object between you - a desk, podium, etc. Some people are just more touchy-feely than others, so try to avoid putting yourself in a situation where it's easy for him to do this. Should it ever become overtly sexual, talk to his superior IMMEDIATELY.

Answer 6

I would NOT call that harrassment.

A simple fix though is DO not let it happen again if it bothers you. If ANYONE reaches for you, even out of kindness, step back and let them know you do not like anyone touching you. You have the right to voice your opinion.

DO not make someones life miserable by reporting him, simply because YOU were uncomfortable. Hit it head on next time and you will never go wrong if you stand your ground.

Answer 7

While I am a firm believer in listening to yourself when your alarms are going off, this may just be about poor boundaries. Either way, I think you would do a service to him and future students if you could tell him how intrusive it felt. If you can't say so, try writing him an anonymous note and leaving it on his desk. This way if he meant nothing by it, his eyes will be open to how the recipient feels, and if he did mean something else, he would know he is in check. Then follow through.

Answer 8

I've been a teacher, and right now I teach college students with disabilities. I do that as a way to soothe and comfort students while I explain something to them. It's not meant in a sexual manner, but if it makes you uncomfortable tell him. We see many students who try very hard to learn what we are teaching them, and that's a way to connect with them, and to let them know that they are doing well, and not to worry about the problem they are discussing. We used to be able to give a student a hug when they needed it, but we can't do that anymore. So, the arm rub lets us connect with them on a personal level. Like I said above, if it bothers you, just tell him. Teachers do care about their students and it's natural to want to try to comfort them.

Answer 9

There are some people that have never been thought to respect other's spaces. Then there are cultures where this would not seem inappropriate. Naturally, if this makes you uncomfortable, arrange to have a friend with you, or stay beyond his reach. He should get the picture.

Answer 10

If he put his hand on your breast or butt then I think that would be sexual harassment. Putting his hand on your upper arm could be a way that he comforts people. Don't get hung up on accusing people of taking advantage of you. You could let him know not to do that if it happens again. He could be a real nice guy and accusing him of harassment could possibly ruin his career and everything he has worked for his whole life, not to mention supporting his family.