How To Support Girlfriend With Controlling Mother (we are both 23)?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been seriously dating now for several years. I love her very much. She comes from a very difficult childhood situation, and while I don't know every detail, I know her mother was controlling and what I would consider emotionally abusive. I suspect her mother may suffer from some sort of emotional problem that caused her controlling behavior.
Occasionally we are over at her parents house for functions and her mother orders her around (i.e. ordering her to "Come!" when her presence is needed), tells her she eats "much", and every visit has a moment where the mother starts screaming about some trivial thing (i.e. a napkin not folded right)
My girlfriend won't stop going over as its rare and she does need time with her mother, but when I'm there my skin burns and I want to slap the mother for her cutting words and actions against my grilfriend. When we leave my girlfriend always cries.
What action do I have the right to take if any? How to support my girl?

Answer 1

Your girlfriend needs to work on her self esteem. Altertnatively, if she is aware of what is happening but can cope with it, and the crying doesn't mean she's not coping, just that she doesn't like it, then don't worry. All parents use emotional black mail; we don't always know we are doing it; but if your girlfriend recognises that, all is well.
You could also try to make it into a joke...bet how long it will be beofre the mother issues an order. Then when it happens you give each other a quick glance and grin to yourselves. Makes things much more bearable.
But just keep loving your girl and telling her she is wonderful.

Answer 2

Get a tape recorder to play back to the mother. Preferably in the presence of other family members. You might also try moving to another city. Good luck.

Answer 3

Respect her choice to maintain a relationship with her mother, be a good listener and suggest she get some counseling.