What do I owe the father?

Question

I am 19 years old and recently found out I am pregnant. I am single at the time, but I know the father is my ex-boyfriend. He is 21, and we only dated a few weeks and broke up because I could not trust him. When I told him about our baby he claimed to be supportive and "wants to be there, but not have to pay child support". I dont feel like I can take his word for it, but because I dont know him that well cant be for sure. I just want to know how much of a part of my childs life do I have to allow him to be? I dont trust him at all, and he is currently dating my now ex-best-friend, so I obviously dont want anything to do with him. i know its not going to be easy for me to do this alone, but I dont want him to influence my child with his loose morals and lies.

Answer 1

If you don't want him in the childs life tell him it isn't his child. If you can get a friend or so to agree with you good. Unless he really wants a child h wont argue. If he does then you don't have to let him see ur baby until he takes it to court. Then they may let him have some kind of visitation, but he will have to pay you child support if he takes it to court. So if he doesn't want to pay he will leave it alone.

Good Luck!!

Answer 2

It has nothing to do with that he is dating your ex bestfreind, or that he doesnt want to pay child support, or whatever. All that matters is that you child has there father in there life. Just because you have your problems with him and you couldnt trust him in a relationship doesnt mean he will be a bad dad to this child. Unless something makes you think that he will hurt the child in some way then I see nothing wrong. Also you need to be an adult and sit down and talk with him, even though you may not want to the older the child gets the better your communication with each other needs to become, tell him how you want to raise your child and listen to his thoughts and ideas tell him the morals you feel are important you have to work together. I really incourage you too do the best you can to get along with him and let him be a part of your childs life.....especailly if your having a boy...every boy needs his daddy. Anyway good luck

Answer 3

This really is more of a legal question.

From a legal standpoint, if you are going to be the primary caretaker than he owes you child support. However, in most cases that will mean he will have some access to the child as well (assuming he cares to).

You will pretty much have to wait it out at this point. Once the baby is born, it will depend on who instigates legal action (if anyone) on whether or not you even have a choice as to how much he is going to be allowed in the babies life.

I realize you don't care for him much, but at this juncture it's impossible to tell the type of father he will be. I've known some guys that made terrible boyfriends/husbands but were excellent fathers. However, if he does want to play a role in the babies life, he needs to fork out some money. Children, are by no means, cheap.

Answer 4

You can choose to get him to sign over parental rights, and then not get child support. Then there is no legal relationship.

Or you can enter into an agreement for child support and visitation. I recommend this because it's better for a child to have a parent, even an imperfect one.

When the child is young (under 13) you can pretty much control how much contact there is. But all children eventually come to want to know who their "real" dad is. So you can't stop it forever. Your child's father will be a person with loose morals and lies. That is what you chose when you allowed him to get you pregnant. There is nothing you can do to fix that. He is the child's father.

Answer 5

because you and the child's father are no longer together, doesn't have to mean that the child and his father can't be together..if the guy says he wants to be there and support his child, without the law on his back forcing him to pay, and if he's sincere about it, then see how it goes..hopefully he'll be there when you're in labor, that alone will tell alot..make sure he buys the pampers, wipes, and other things required by you, and if he sticks to his word, then you should have no problem allowing your child around him..plus this will benefit you for those nights when you want to go out with friends, he'll be there to take care of your child.....hopefully....:)..he's accepted the fact that you're pregnant..with his child, he's admitted to it, instead of most young guys i know denying it's even his and not wanting to take any responsibility. Do you know his family? try communicating with his parents, so you'd get a better view of how this guy will really be there..if he wants to be there, then there's no reason to keep your child from knowing his daddy..if not, and he begins to act like a jerk, then justify it by making him pay via child support (something he don't want)..hope all works out in your favor, sincerely :)

Answer 6

wait it out. You've done what you owe to him. You told him. You owe him nothing during your pregnancy.

After the baby is born, if he wants access, make him go through the court process to get it. At the same time, get an order for child support. He can't have it all his way.

Obviously there was a serious breakdown in your relationship that broke the trust. Maybe after your child is born though, try and compromise. Desipite what a jerk he was to you, maybe he could be a good dad.

And doesn't your child deserve to know it's dad?

Up to you. Just remember, right now it's all fresh. Wait it out, let feelings and tempers cool. That's the best advice I can give you. Take care, and good luck.

Answer 7

If ur 100% positive that He is the father of this baby, then ur going to have to work some things out, if he's serious in being a part of the kids life. If he is not willing to be financially responsible then take him to court with papers prooving hes the biological father... it took 2 of u to get pregnant. Too many of u young adults are having kids with no thoughts of the child and no thoughts of how much money it's going to be,... quick to have sex, but not quick enuff to make the right decision and only knowing each other for a few weeks..what's wrong with u NO PROTECTION!! sex is for one night, a baby is for the rest of ur life... good luck with the pregnancy girl take care.

Answer 8

You owe him nothing, and if he doesn't want to pay child support... too bad; you didn't sleep with yourself. Why should he have all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he turns out to be loving and supportive, great give him a chance with the baby. He can't be doing that though and not providing financial support. That shows selfishness and lack of caring.

Answer 9

Child support and child custody are two separate issues.
You will have to take him to court to get a child support order.
Most men get on with their lives and have families and loose interest with the first child or wife.
My ex-husband and i had three kids and he sued me for custody but never has seen the kids or wanted any contact with them.
We divorced when i was 5 months pregnant with my youngest child and now she is 15 years old.

Answer 10

You only knew him a few weeks yet you slept with him? o_0 No comment about that stupidity.

Anyway, take his rear end to court. Make him pay for his child. He will probably fight tooth and nail about it but it's his child too and he needs to take responsiblility. He can't be in the childs' life without supporting her. (Aka, he can't "have is cake and eat it too".)

It doesn't matter if you trust him or not. (LoL, should have thought about that before you had sex huh?) Again, he's the father and the child deserves to know her father.