any good jokes?

Question

does anyone have some good jokes i would like to hear them because i need to laugh!!

Answer 1

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a
convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.

Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."

The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

After a few seconds of looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing!"

Answer 2

U2 was doing a concert in Dublin. During a break between songs, Bono asks the crowd to be quiet. He slowly begins to clap his hands 2 to 3 seconds apart and says to the crowd "Everytime I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies". A moment later a voice is heard shouting from the front of the audience "Well stop Fookin doin it". Gotta love the Irish.

Answer 3

A man says to a friend that he wants his porch painted. The next day, his friend offers to paint the porch for $150. An hour passes. The man comes back to the door and says, "I'm finished. And by the way, your car is a Ferrari, not a PORSCHE."

Answer 4

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree--look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.

Hope this makes u laugh :)

Answer 5

Two Newfies were in Toronto for the first time and they were on a bus. Two nuns got on the bus and one of them had her leg in a cast. One Newfie says to the other "Wa ya suppose appen t'er?". The other one says, " I don know, whyn't ya fine out." He responds, "I will" and goes over to the nun and asks, "Sista, wha appen ta yer laig?" She says, " I slipped, in the Baaath". He goes back to his buddy who asked "wha appened?" and he says, "She slipped in a Baaath", buddy inquires," Whats a Baaath? He says, "Ow da ell do I know, I ain't Cathlic,"

Answer 6

This is a "visual" joke...kinda sac-religious also

Q: Why did the blonde go into the church?

A: She heard someone was hung like this.
(Have arms outstretched like Jesus on a cross!!)

My all time favorite!!

Answer 7

A really bad one but never the less here it is:

What did the mexican fireman call his 2 children

Hose A and Hose B

LOL!

Answer 8

There were three tampons walking down a street one is named mini, one named maxi and one named super. Which one waves first?

Answer 9

A little girl ran crying to her mom asking for a glass of cider. "What do you want a glass of cider for ?" asks mom. "I've cut my finger on a thorn." ..... "So why the cider ?" asks mom. ..... "Well, I overheard my big sister saying whenever she gets a prick in her hand she cant wait to get it in cider."

LOL

HOPE THAT HELPED : )

Answer 10

Ques.: Why did the childrens ate their homework??
Ans.: Their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

"Piece of cake" is a saying used to say it's easy