Are you strong enough in your faith to make a joke about it?

Question

If you are secure enough in your faith to make a joke about it could you post one? Try to keep it clean and relatively short.

Ok, some of you got the point, some of you ......... well, lets just say you didn't.

I didn't say make a joke of your religion, I said make a joke about it, there is a difference.

McWicca

::crackle:: "Welcome to McWicca, may I help you?" ::crackle::

"Yeah, hi, my name is Raven Ravensong and I would like to be a Witch, please?"

::crackle:: "Would you like to try the Coven Combo?" ::cracle::

"Sure, and can I get a First Degree initiation on that?"

::crackle:: "Yes, and for two dollars more, you can Buckland-size it." ::crackle::

"Okay, let's do that."

::crackle:: "Thanks for ordering, please drive through." ::crackle::

Answer 1

An Atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring nature, when he noticed that a rather large bear coming up to him. Fearing the worst, our Atheist friend started to run and the bear gave chase. The Atheist ran as fast as he could, but little by little the bear was closing in.

The Atheist tried to run faster, but only succeeded in tripping on a rock that sent him sprawling onto his back. Before he could get up, the bear was straddling him. The bear was growling and salivating in the Atheist's face when the bear drew his paw back in a death blow. The Atheist, upon seeing this, covered his face and cried out in a loud voice, "Dear God, please save me!"

As he spoke these words, time froze: the bear froze in place like a statue, the birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped blowing, and a very powerful voice permeated from the clouds saying, "Am I to believe that in this moment of peril, after all these years of denying my very existence, you now wish to repent and accept me as your Lord and Savior?"

The Atheist thought for a minute and said, "You're right, it would be hypocritical of me to accept you now because of this crisis after denying you all these years. So I will request that if you find it acceptable, then instead of me, could you make the bear a Christian?"

The wind blew, the birds chirped and the bear was reanimated. The bear, however, instead of striking a death blow with his paw, sat up straight as though confused and shook his head. He very gently placed both of his paws together as though he was praying.

The bear then spoke very clearly and said, "Gracious Father in Heaven, I praise you and thank you for forgiving my sins, I now ask that you bless this food that I am about to receive."

Answer 2

Absolutely. I believe the Gods have a sense of humor, so should I.

Circle Etiquette (from varied sources)

* Never summon Anything you can't banish.

* Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

* Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

* When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, "Hey, your trad or mine?"

* Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

* Never, *ever* set the Witch on fire.

* Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.

* A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons really love those those.

* Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.

* Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

* Carry an all-purpose translator's dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.

* Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

* If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbor's name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.

* Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

* While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.

* If the ritual leader should ask for a volunteer, resist the urge to raise your hand! While it is true that volunteering will most likely gain you stature and prestige amongst the group, thereby allowing you to advance quickly through the ranks, it is equally likely to get you strapped to a table and eaten alive by a drooling demonic horde.

Answer 3

There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!".

The atheist yells back, "There is no God".

She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord".

The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts "Praise the Lord!!!".

The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God".

The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!!"

Answer 4

Ten Ways To Piss Off A Pagan


1.Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.
2.Be considerate, rearrange their altar so it will look neat.
3.Blow out their altar candle if it is still day light. (No need to waste a good candle!)
4.Pick up their gems for a closer look.
5.Sharpen their dull black-handled knife.
6.Witness to them about the "true religion".
7.Untie the knots in their cord.
8.Take hold of their jewelry for a closer look.
9.Play card games with their Tarot cards.
10.Ask them again if they are Satan worshippers.

Answer 5

A priest is walking down the street one day and comes upon a little boy who has a basket full of brand new kittens. Thinking to be kind, the priest asks the boy " what kind of kittens are they?" to which the little boy replied " they're Catholic cats, sir". Two weeks later the same priest comes upon the boy again with the kittens, and remembering the answer last time, he asks again " son, what kind of kittens do you have again?" The boy says " well, sir, they are Jehovah's Witnesses !" "I thought you said they were Catholic!" exclaims the priest. "Well, NOW their eyes are open! " expained the boy.

Answer 6

Absolutely. I don't know any Wiccan or pagan jokes, but here's a cute story from a pagan website.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,

I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the room with her pencil in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I told her art class is in an hour and to please refrain until then to do any drawing.

And speaking of art class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists on drawing little circles around all the stars and people dancing on the ground. And that brings up dancing, I had to stop her twice for taking off her clothes during a game of Ring Around the Roses! By the way, what does "sky clad" mean?

Aradia has no problem with making friends. I always find her sitting outside during recess with her friends sitting around her in a circle. She likes to share her juice and cookies. It is nice how she wants no one to ever thirst or hunger. However, when I walked over to see what they were doing, she jumped up and told me to stop, pulled out a little plastic knife and started waiving it in front of me. I thought this a bit dangerous, so I took her to the Principal's Office. She explained to the Principal that she was "opening the circle" to let me in. She also said that her Mommy and Daddy always told her not to play or run with an "athame" in her hand, that she could put someone's eye out. I don't know what an "athame" is, but I'm glad she keeps it at home.

As for stories, your daughter tends to make up some whoppers. Just yesterday while I was talking sternly to Tommy Johnson and shaking my finger at him, he started screaming and ran from the room. When I finally caught him, he told me Aradia told him and the rest of the class that the last time I shook my finger at someone, they caught the chicken pox. I explained to him that the Sally Jones incident was just a coincidence, and that things like that don't really happen.

One of the strangest things that happened was when I asked the children to bring in Halloween decorations for the classroom. Aradia brought in salt, incense, and her family album. I see she has quite a sense of humor.

One of Aradia's worst habits is that she is very argumentative. We were discussing what the Golden Rule was (Do Unto Others as you would have them Do Unto You), she firmly disagreed with me and stated that it was "Do As you Will, but Harm None" and she will not stop saying "So Mote It Be" after she reads aloud in class. I try to correct her on these matters and she got very angry. She pointed her finger at me and mumbled something under her breath.

In closing, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, I would like to set up a parent/teacher conference with you sometime next week to discuss these matters. I would like to see you sooner, but I have developed an irritating rash that I am quite worried about.

With deep concerns,
Mrs. Livingston

P.S. Blessed Be. I understand this is a greeting or closing from your country that your daughter informs me is polite and correct.

Answer 7

I used to joke a lot about the different denominations within the Christian faith; but the longer I continued in the faith, the more the Holy Spirit convicted me that it was not a spiritually beneficial exercise. And a lot is at stake in the way that we think and speak. The Bible says that we will one day give account for every idle word we have spoken. I suppose that I just don't want any more on my record.

Answer 8

Seeing as how I don't have a labeled belief system I will have to settle for making fun of one of my beliefs I share with another religion.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None.....they are the light bulb.

Answer 9

A man purchased a dog from the local petshop and took him home. He was a special dog as he could quote scriptures chapter and verse. One night he had guests for dinner and one said, "wow, that is one amazing dog...can he do any normal dog tricks?" The man paused and said, " I do not know." He turned to the dog and said,"Heal!" The dog immediately placed his front paw on the man's forehead and bowed his head to pray......

Answer 10

Have you heard about the poor dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?


Lies awake all night wondering if there's really a Dog!