It is December and time is winding down to shop. My stepdaughter is 18 and does not live with us because she moved out after we refused to accept her dropping out of high school. She will call or come around when she needs something, but other than that, she is jumping from relative to older friends. What should we get her for Christmas? My friend suggested a certificate for the cost of her taking her GED, but I want other responses. Let me say that she left her/our home because of our #1 rule (stay in school). We are good parents and we all have a good relationship, she just doesn’t want to go to school or work. We constantly tell her that she always has an open door for her return. We've offered to pay for the GED before, and college, if she wants. We also pay for other necessary items, even though she’s gone. The GED certificate is a friend's suggestion. I need more opinions on what and how much to spend at Christmas for her.
2006-12-01 05:24:55 · 15 answers · asked by downinmn 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Christmas (from a material standpoint) is about fun and getting stuff you don't really "need" - so as much as you want to push the GED, I'd suggest something lighthearted that you know she'd enjoy. Just don't go overboard. If you've offered to pay for the GED "just because" before, then making it the Christmas present will probably sour the relationship. Just get her something fun, but in the card reiterate that when she's ready to take her GED's, you are too (with the $). Of course, socks and underwear have their place too.
2006-12-01 05:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be feeling confused about what she wants out of life. I think that the GED idea is a good one, but wouldn't it mean more if she was making the decision herself rather than feeling forced to do it? I understand how important education is, and you can continue to let her know that it is a priority in your family. Maybe self-help/inspirational books can help her to look more deeply into her situation and even prompt her to take control of her life. Maybe do some research and show her statistical results of a person with a high school diploma/college degree over a drop-out in regards to earning potential. Maybe she'll decide on her own that she really needs to get her GED, and when she goes back to school, she'll have found the motivation within herself.
Good Luck!
2006-12-01 05:38:22 · answer #2 · answered by eskimobaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her the book Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul - maybe she can get some inspiration from that. I would spend about $40 to $50 and just get her some little fun things. Bath lotions, earrings, etc. During the holidays I wouldn't pressure school. Tell her instead that your New Years Resolution is to help her with school and her resolution should be to get her butt up off the couch and go.
2006-12-01 06:58:19 · answer #3 · answered by party_pam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't buy her anything, that's a way of teaching her what she'll have if she doesn't get her act together. She's 18 with no real education, and therefore, no future. Being lenient and understanding left out the door when she decided that she was grown enough to live on her own, and dropped out of school....she has the rest of her life to be an adult, but since she has decided to become a woman sooner than she has to be...treat her like one.
2006-12-01 05:31:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend has hit the nail on the head. But, it might cause some soarness in the family. I would suggest maybe some simple items...Or maybe a savings bond that she can't get to till she is maybe 25 or so. That way at least when she is a little older and maybe wiser she will realize what she should have done in the first place.
2006-12-01 05:29:31 · answer #5 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first off, i think you have something against this girl. No wonder why she moved out. Its christmas and i think you need to act like a loving mom. You married her father and that means you married her as well. Spend as much on her in a LOVING way as you would your own children no matter what choices she has made. its not about punishing her or worrying about the choices she has made in the past. Shes your husbands blood and your step daughter and no matter what she needs you to accept her.
2006-12-01 05:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by jess_n_flip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her nothing. One thing I can't stand is an ungrateful child, especially, when they have reached the age of adulthood. And, as long as you play into her deceptions, she will continue to do what she wants. You got to let her know that she's still learning of becoming an adult. And, what the responsibility is of being an "adult". I have an 17 years old son, and I don't play with him.
The old saying goes, "you have to learn it', "before you can earn it!" And, if that doesn't change anything, pray about it!
2006-12-01 06:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by sylvia f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you give her a certificate to go get her GED she will probably not do it..... give her a gift card (VISA) and tell her that you would really like it if she get her GED with some of the money off of it....
she is your husbands kid don't spend less on her than you would on his other children..... you need to make it even.
2006-12-01 05:32:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should buy her some stocks in a joint account with both of your social security numbers. Tell her about it but don't let her have access to it. That way it will be hers but she cannot access it until she is older or you let her, but it is still hers if anything were to happen to you. You can look at some options at www.sharebuilder.com
2006-12-01 05:38:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something she likes and can use and is cheap.
like a CD of her favorite artist. don't use the occasion to
push your agenda (school). just be cool. maybe a gasoline
prepaid card...for $30 or something. keep it small and
non-political. non-judgmental. just something small that might be nice for her current life (maybe a nice suitcase since she's moving so much) or perfume or something she can appreciate in her immaturity.
2006-12-01 05:34:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋