Right now I am engaged and I am living with my fiance. He is 25 and I am almost 21. We have been together for almost three years. We have been engaged for about nine months now. We have a townhome, a couple of cars, and a dog and a cat. We function well and living together works great for us. My parents don't know my fiance really well and are not in support of us getting married. There are even more against us living together right now because they say that by "shacking up" I am living in sin and that they want me to stay away from my little brothers because I am immoral. What am I supposed to do? Do I move out just to make my parents happy but in doing so make my fiance and I unhappy? Also, my parents say that they are going to disown me if I continue to live with him.
2006-12-01 05:01:45 · 8 answers · asked by Grace86 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
WOW - a great question
Been there Done that - here's my advice (same for my kids).
1) you are an adult now and you are entitled to a life.
2) I would never consider marrying without living with them first..
- All the little quirks come out at home.. that's exactly why you should be living together.. Trust me, you have yours too.
It's the only way you will know if you can live with them or not... Why would you marry someone you couldn't live with??? - Marrying is a life-long commitment and not to be taken lightly.
3) As for the "purists" in your life.. Your parents are adults and they are entitled to make their own decisions also... If "disowning" you is their choice, they didn't think much of you do hey??? - That's certainly not a considerate choice for them, maybe they need to grow up a little.. We are in 2006 soon to be 2007... We're not in the 50' anymore Dorothy and this certainly isn't the land of OZ!
4) They need to understand that their time of raising, guiding by control, and teaching you lessons for life are over... All they are entitled to today is advice, not direction.
- Hope this helps and good luck... Also have a most wonderful wedding and life together..
2006-12-01 05:15:47 · answer #1 · answered by gjm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have any children by this man? If not, why would you need to live with him?
Have you ever lived on your own? It sounds like you left for college, and instead moved in with him. If that's true, your maturity, and decision making ability are in question - especially if your parents are still supporting you.
Your parents are concerned because you've probably thrown away everything they taught you as a child to go live with some guy they don't even know. You've been together 3 years, and they don't really know him? Why not? Then on top of that, you want to marry him. What kind of man is he that he never wanted to meet your father? Why should they be supportive of someone they don't know, and something they don't understand?
Decide now whether you are going to give up the family you have - that's a sure thing, or go with the guy and start a family - possibly, maybe, someday.
2006-12-01 05:22:47 · answer #2 · answered by peter n 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I was 21 when I was engaged to my fiance and he was 24. My parents are very religious and do not believe in living together before marriage. However we love eachother so much, that we realized my parents morals dont have to match mine. If your happy with your fiance and living arrangements than stay with him. I doubt your parents will disown you, they're probably just saying that to get you to go back home. I was in the same boat hunny, my dad didnt want me around my sister (sad i was a bad example). I'm 22 now my husband is 25, we have a dog, car, place and all that good stuff. We just got married over the summer and my parents happily attended the wedding. We wouldnt go back and change things for a second. Trust me they'll get over it, especially if you decide to have kids one day. Dont change your lifestyle just because your parents dont agree with it! Good luck!
2006-12-01 05:20:41 · answer #3 · answered by ELW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about close you are to your parents outside of this relationship. Also, why not get your parents and your boyfriend together more so that they can learn about each other. I'm not Christian so I really cannot comment on the whole "living in sin" opinion that your parents have; however, most couples that do live together before their wedding end up getting a divorce. I don't say that to be mean because my boyfriend and I are living together as well. We just know we are soulmates so it's a bit hard to even imagine us getting a divorce. My parents like him too (not that they know we are living together, yet).
2006-12-01 05:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by ambr95012 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grace, I just read that you are not alone when it comes to living together before marriage. There are millions like you who are as your mom says "living in sin." I hate to say this but those ideas are so out of place in 2006. If you love the guy and want to build a future with him, it will be idiotic to get out at this point. Do you know the consequences of moving out right now? Who knows what your fiance might do? Remember your parents are from a different generation and they just don't get it. It is 2006. Hello!
And if they want you to stay away from your brothers so be it. Your brothers wouldn't be with you for life. When they grow up they will move on with their lives. You are the only one to watch out for yourself.
2006-12-01 05:08:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Read Genesis 2:18-24
2006-12-01 05:07:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your parents sound nuts!! they took this whole religion thing a bit too far, it sounds like your well to do on your own, i say screw the parents... stay with HIM!!!
2006-12-01 05:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jesus Built My Hotrod 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do wht makes you happy not others!!! its ur life
2006-12-01 05:05:30 · answer #8 · answered by ANNABETH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋