Last year my MIL did not save enough to pay her taxes, so she asked her children for the money. In a private meeting (because MIL was embarrassed), her 2 kids gave her the $4,000 for taxes. This year she is having trouble paying her utility bill, so my wife wants to pay it. MIL's live in boy freind of 10 years makes a good income and is currently paying $500 a month to dock his 30 foot boat.
My wife thinks that since they are not married the boyfreind's expenses are of no concern. I claim its common law marriage and he needs to get rid of the boat before we start paying their utility bill. How do I get my wife to see my point and MIL to stop asking us for money?
2006-12-01 04:36:15 · 11 answers · asked by jwmarshall49 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
THis will only get worse unless you stop it now. There is no way to convince your wife to turn her back on her mother ( even if it is the right thing to do in this situation) MILS live-in's expenses ARE of concern. If he lives in the home with her, he is responsible for half of the expenses. This is easily solved. Make sure your wife is with you. Travel a part of town known to have lots of homeless people. Stop the car. Hand over to someone the same amount she just gave her mother. There will be NOTHING she can say. Granted, this may cause your own financial problems, but long-term you WILL come out WAY ahead. Maybe she will get the hint that she needs to examine her charitable contributions more closely. ( and you will make some poor souls day ). blessings.
2006-12-01 04:53:33 · answer #1 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never mix money with family, unless it is a straight forward business deal. Have a family meeting with all parties involved, including the boyfriend. Sounds like mom had a reason to be embarrassed. She is either being taken advantage of or just a fool. If they are living together the utility bill should be 1/2 his responsibility. Check out what constitutes common law marriage in your State. If she is just a poor manager suggest she talk to a financial manager. If she can't pay the bills now what will happen when she has to go on SS. Without some type of retirement plan the kids will be footing an even bigger burden.
2006-12-01 04:54:47 · answer #2 · answered by j.m.glass 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. We've had this same situation year after year and have had a few arguments over it. My MIL is healthy, smart and has a decent job-so there's no excuse. No husband or boyfriend at this time-been divorced a few times. Her kids continually bail her out. Time and time again she'll spend a fortune on stupid useless crap, Christmas gifts or an expensive trip, but will run around with an old car (the kids are expected pay for the repairs)or have utilities on the verge of being turned off or bills past due. She takes it to another level and wants to move in with one of us so she can stop working and mooch her remaining 40 years. She thinks her kids owe it to her.
Anyway, I'll tell you what I've told my husband and sister-in-laws. By constantly bailing her out they are enabling her to continue this irresponsible behavior. When she actually has to pay the consequences for her actions she'll (hopefully) think twice next time. It's not unlike the bratty kids that run around the store screaming and being rude and obnoxious, what is the punishment? None...so why not do whatever they want?
However, the bottom line is that they have an unconditional love for their mom and don't want to see her suffer - even if it is just a little and has an end motive of trying to get her to change behavior. To get her to behave like a responsible adult and to stop tapping her kids for money. For your wife to actually tell her "no" would be kind of like the "this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you" you'd hear in the days when kids were still spanked. Funny thing is, as an adult you realize that it's a true statement. Not to mention the horrendous guilt trip that would likely follow.
Speak your mind diplomatically to your wife and when you're not boiling inside about MIL. Decide how important this is to you. If she's financially hurting your household that is a big problem, so in that case stand firm. Keep in mind that her love for mom is unconditional. If you push too hard she may view it as choosing between you or her mom. Whether we like it or not, our love for our spouse has conditions.
Obviously the boyfriend should pay and sounds like a loser, but that's irrelevant.
2006-12-01 05:48:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband's sister will never stop asking you for money as long as you and your husband continues to give in to her. There is an old saying, 'Never lend money to family members.' Obviously that woman thinks she holds entitlement to the money of everyone in the family, and doesn't feel obligated to pay it back. You and your husband should make a pact NEVER to give her another penny. It's not a loan unless she pays you back promptly. If she wants the computer, tell her to go to a store that has in-house financing. That way she will be forced to make the payments every month. You can also recommend that she get a bank loan when she needs money. Neither you nor your husband should feel guilty by telling that weasel, "No, no, and hell no; we are not your banker." She can get a job or another job if she is wanting money all the time.
2016-05-23 07:59:36 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother-in-law to grow up. Is there a reason why she doesn't earn money enough to pay her own bills? Why isn't the live in helping take care of her??? I agree that family should help in extenuating circumstances but if there are no good reasons for the lack of funds maybe someone should teach her how to manage money better. It is not the kids responsibility to pay mom and boyfriends way. Maybe they should ask his kids this time(ha ha ). Maybe they should get more or better jobs!!
2006-12-01 04:52:09 · answer #5 · answered by SHERRI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you , in most areas in Canada, and I think the states common in law is accepted by the government as married, As for your mother in law she needs to get her act together, and learn how to budget her, or their expenses. To have to continually bail her out has sent a message that the bank is open(family), so you and hopefully your wife will have to put up a" next teller" sign in your window, I also would not be adverse to having a family meeting to tell you mil what you feel and that the only help she is going to get is the help she provides her self, Not your problem, not yours to fix
2006-12-01 05:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow my husbands mom does the same thing.. she gives her moner out to her other kids but then she cant pay her own bills so she hits us up for money! How i told him is We have our own family to pay for of course she is family but she is also a grown woman and should know how to handle her own finances. Plus i think that is BS that her LIVE IN boy cant lift a finger and pay some money. He should definately be paying alot more than that it should be 50/50 not her kids saving her butt. Just tell her straight up that you just cant do it anymore. That she will have to ask some one else or have her boy do it.
2006-12-01 06:03:57 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way she will stop asking is if you stop giving. Why in the world should you pay her bills when her bf has a boat ?? Its insane and if your wife doesn't get that she is insane too.
2006-12-01 04:44:39 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where in the marital contract does it say "P.S. SUPPORT WIFE'S MOTHER..." you were joined to the wife bro, get a grip. I know u mean well, but forget that!!! That's fragonacle bull, son. As far as the boyfriend goes, I say your answer is good, considering that you seem to be the helping kind.
2006-12-01 05:01:27 · answer #9 · answered by dad of dallas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hhmmm....lets see... you could...
tell her :
no, get a job, manage your money better, ask someone else, you don't have it, you have your own bills, if her bf is living there, have him help out, ...I'm sure you can think of some too.
2006-12-01 04:44:00 · answer #10 · answered by Fuzzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋