What can you say to a 17yr old girl who wants to quit school with only 6months to?

Question

She will be 18 in 40 days and says she will be dropping out than no matter what.I've said everything I can think of and nothing works.Do I keep fighting for 40 more days or just give in?My heart is breaking and I'm not sure I take many more fights.I've told her if she quits her car and cell phone are mine and not even that works.

Answer 1

Tell her you can only accept her decision and quit fighting her on it if she immediately makes arrangements to take the GED test so she will at least have a high school eqivalency degree. Otherwise, I don't think I'd wait to take the cell phone and car. I would make a pre-emptive strike. Take them now, based on her illogical thought process and let her see what life without them will be like. I would also insist that she has secured a job (full time) to replace going to school before the 40 days is up, because the very first school day that she does not attend school she must be headed to work instead. In spite of all of this, you need to take some time to look at her motivation for wanting to do something so irrational. Unless her school counselors are horrible, they may be able to provide some insight. You might also approach her about "finishing up" school that last semester with some type of home schooling or cyber schooling option -- if it's just attending school that she has the problem with. Good luck.

Answer 2

If you live in the US maybe you missed the little blurb on CNN several months back about education and the average salary. The average High School graduate will earn twice that of a drop-out in their life time, and has a job with an annual salary between 20-30k a year. People with at least a basic college degree will make 4 times more than a drop-out in their life time. Those with higher degrees could earn up to 10 times more than a drop out in their life time.

You should cut of anything your paying for (the car, phone, etc.) and do it now before her birthday. Tell her about what I've mentioned, that she will be much better off if she at least has a high school diploma or GED. Also tell her that if she doesn't graduate she can't live with you. You may need to double check, but I'm sure you can have the police remove her from your home if she thinks you can't make her leave. The day she turns 18 she is legally an adult and you are no longer required by law to feed, cloth, or shelter her, like you have to do for minors. By law parents are supposed to be responsible for the care and well being of their children, but once they become an adult they're supposed to be able to take care of themselves or at least be responsible and contribute to their portion of utilities/insurance, and buy their own clothes, gas, and food.

Answer 3

Well, my suggestion is that you arrange with one of your friends to have her work for a few days for minimum wage. Or have her find a job that pays minimum wage. Give her the cell phone bill and the car note - believe me having to pay bills will wake her up. You can also take her to the unemployment office (arrange for a counselor to talk to both of you) to get a glimpse of the job market and the expectations and demands of employers presently and in the future. I would also suggest you make her pay rent for her room and pay for her meals. It seems a little bit harsh but believe me it works. Having a $7.50 an hour wage while working 40 hrs a week will wake her up. Having rent +bills every month will make her understand the importance of graduating high school and moving on to college. Don't yell, and don't argue with her anymore - it's time she felt what it feels like to be a minimum wage worker in the USA, cause without a high school diploma or GED - there sky is limited. Take her to a college campus that is near your town, and arrange with the professors and some students to speak with her and discuss with her the importance and the necessity of a high school and college education. It seems hard to do, but honestly it isn't. When I was 17 my father did all these things to show my brother and I the importance of an education. The sad thing was, in my case - I couldn't afford college and tried to work while in school - I became very ill because of stress etc. and was forced to stop school. Presently, I am 25 yrs. old living at home, married (no children) trying to overcome my diagnosis with dreams of becoming a Psychiatrist. School and life is what you make it. You must sit down with her and explain to her the damages she will suffer if she doesn't get a good education. You know, it's funny - I came to this country from a "3rd world country" seeking an education. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford it (even with grants and financial aid). What's amazing to me is that so many children in the USA can afford college - but won't put effort or dedication into it. It's heartbreaking, in my country my grandparents bought books for my brother and I with their pension funds - and then we came to America - The books were free! If you want to make it here - you can! The opportunities are endless - if you just want it.

Answer 4

OK.. my opinion... your waiting to long.

If your daughter is telling you TODAY that she is going to throw her life away by quiting school and there's nothing you can do about it, then I suggest that TODAY you start forcing her to 'live on her own'.

Sit her down and simply ask: Are you still planning on dropping out of school when you turn 18? If the answer is yes: Take away the car, take away the phone, revoke all priviledges.

You need to make her aware that with out an education she can't afford to support herself much less have the luxuries of a car, phone, etc. Tell her that you will not return any of the priviledges she has today until you see a change in attitude and direction in her life. If she wants a car and a phone then she can go buy it herself but you will refuse to support her decisions.

As long as you are providing her with these luxuries then you are enabling her to continue own this destructive path. As for the the 'keep fighting' well.. don't fight... state your case and end the conversation. Right now, she is in control and you are not. You must take control today. Start by refusing to fight. You say you've told her that you will take the car and phone but that didn't work.. well that's because you haven't taken them away you've just made and idle threat. Trust me, you remove their freedom and force them to re-evaluate life with out Mom enabling their destructive behaviour and you'll see a difference.

It will not be easy and you will be called every name in the book. But, stand your ground, lock her down and DON'T ARGUE! That's probably my biggest piece of advice. Parents that ARGUE with their kids are in situations where the kids are in control.

Good luck and I hope this helps

Answer 5

Does she believe you when you say cell phone and car is yours? It may be that she don't think you mean that. I say take that stuff now. Tell her if she is old enough to not go to school that she is old enough to provide these things for herself. Let her see what it will be like when and if she does decide to quit school. I know this may be a hard thing for you to do but if it works then it was worth it. Tough love is always tough for everyone involved, but you can make it through it. Even if she threatens to leave, she will be back! Kids need their parents. Good luck with this one. I just wish she could see her future, without even a high school education, jobs are harder and harder to come by. fast food world will soon open up for her if she makes the wrong decision. You can't even move up in management without high school diploma.

Answer 6

This girl needs to realize now days you dont have a choice you can't find a good job with only a GED. I am sorry but i was only a junior when i found out i was preg. i worked my butt off and i graduated a yera early. So dont let her drop out try and get it through her head she will be NOTHING with out school. That doesnt mean she has to go to college but she has been going to school for 12years what is 6months gonna hurt! It is totally worth it! IF she is failing then you need to look in to it and see what you can do to help her get caught up with out over working her. Maybe look into onling classes or if you have a 2nd chance school there she can get packets or if she has a job she can get a work credit. She doesnt have to GO to school to get a Diploma there is ways around it! Just dont let her do it that will ruin things for her and she needs to realize that! Good Luck

Answer 7

I would personally skip foundation because you're 13 and dont need it everyday :) - If you have dry skin, put your moisturizer on before putting on makeup (make sure it is oil free or it wont mix well with your makeup) - Apply a BB cream or tinted moisturizer, the drug stores have came out with many of these that are affordable. A good one from the drug store is Maybelline dream fresh BB cream ( it doesnt give great coverage but it does what a BB cream needs to do) BB creams correct the skin and helps even out skin tones to make them looking fresh - If you would like you can apply a powder with a coverage, which means not getting a translucent one but one with a colour in it - Apply your mascara to your upper lashes only, you can curl them if you want - Lightly apply some blush on your cheeks - put your favourite lip balm on and you're ready to go!

Answer 8

I hope that you stick to your guns, and take the car and cell, why don't you take them now, put the car in someones garage, where she does not know where it is, and cancel the cell phone, tell her first, say, I am going to give you one more chance, and you can make the decision right now, either you go to school, or car and cell will be gone. and no allowance. And she is making a decision, that is going to effect her, for the rest of her life, and the one who it is going to hurt the most, is her. Because she is not going to make it in the outside world, it is a dog, eat dog world out their, and it welcomes you with open arms, and then it spits you out, then where will she go, because you will not be staying here. Be tough, and mean it! Tell her you love her, and that you only want the best for her.

Answer 9

Have you tried asking her why she wants to quit and really get into what is the core reason?

Being a hardass wont work, but being understanding and really trying to find out what the underlying problem is might.

I don't know the nature of your relationship, but even if it's kind of authoritarian, maybe now is a good time to forge some more eye-to-eye like bonds. Make her understand that you are both just people, and that whatever it is that is troubling her you really want to help (even if it turns out to be something you disagree with on some mild level).

Answer 10

Just let her know it is the worst decision she will make ever. Tell her she is not in the right state of mind to drop out!. JUst because she is 18 does not make her more of an adult and does not make her a tad smarter or mature! when i was in h.s i wanted to drop out i thought school wasn't for me for many reasons, one i partied too much for my age during h.s. 2nd of all i was a straight F student (no joke) and i didnt believe i could make it to college. I am about to be 21 and I am a college student right now with the best grades i have ever had. It took ME to wanna make it, no one else pushed me to go. I think she has alot of things going for her meaning financial stability, why else would she feel comfortable to drop out? Take everything from her, no allowances! no car, no phone, make her work. she wants to be a drop out, make her work at mcdonalds!! This girl needs a miracle I'm sorry she does. this is heartbreaking! I think you have 40 days to scream in her ear the mistake she is about to make! maybe she is rebelling against something, compromise compromise compromise!!!!! please do anything to save this girls future. you know maybe if push comes to shove tell her she can go to a community college and finish there. If she wants a flexible schedule she will have it there, plus the teachers treat you very different from h.s it will be a comfortable drastic change though. she will like that I bet!