Is it proper or even healthy for a two year old to be sleeping in his crib in his PARENTS bedroom?

Question

My son and daughter-in-law have a three bedroom home .....my grandson has no health problems and he is very bright. I think it is unhealthy for him to be still sleeping with his mom and dad. NOR could it be healthy for my son and his wife. I am not at all saying it is anything wierd...but I am worried that they are instilling dependance and he is already a mommas boy ....except when im around and that instead of them taking joy in the fact we have a strong bond they seem jealous ...oh BTW this is the first child and was inseminated after they tried for years. Is this OK and I'm being over concerned ...or shouldnt he be sleeping in his own room in his own bed?

I just wanted to let the people that think im interfering or trying to raise their child, Im not ....Ive never mentioned this to them , I never critisize them ....in fact ..i bend over backwards because i love my son and grandson and his mom and i dont want to do ANYTHING to make then get upset and take my grandson away.

Answer 1

Hi, First of all Id like to say something in your defense. Some of these women are attacking you with malice ..for interfereing , one even to the point of saying it is not your family, don't let them bother you ...they obviously are extreamly unhappy parents or do not like there husbands parents and are cowards but taking it out on you...you state in plain english that you have not even metioned this to them ..so how could THAT BE INTERFEREING?..You sound like a wonderful new grandmother who is simply showing love and concern not the coniving **tch some of these people are trying to make you look...and as the childs grand mother you have the right to be concerned....of course your smart not to critisixe them ..they are already very insecure and ..having a experienced mom telling them what to do ..would make them even more insecure.
OK...this is what I would do...the next time the child has a doctors appointment ....call the doc explain the situation...and ask his advice ...if he says not to worry ...dont worry ...if he thinks there is a problem then he will find a way to bring it up and advise them on what to do without ever mentioning speaking with you. AND ..you helped without the kids ever knowing ...I have a feeling the Doctor will be giving them some more healthy alternatives than raising a child to sleep with them ...its unhealthy for the child AND the relationship of the mom and dad ...as a dad I gaurantee ...i may go along to keep my wife happy ..but I would be building up a lot of resentment ...about not having a romamtic relationship with my wife....in fact i think thats the real reason...I think the wife is using the child to get out of having romance....if she was feeling as she should ...you can bet shed be putting that child in his own room..and fast!.**LOL**....good luck and please dont stop caring ...and when necessary ...HELP your children raise there children thats what a damn family is about!!!!

Answer 2

Here's what I think about the subject. Having been there and done that myself.. My husband and I have been overly protective of our oldest daughter. When we moved into a new home she of course had a hard time sleeping in her new room.. she was 2 yrs old. We let her sleep with us nightly.. it for me, that was a mistake.

I didn't get decent sleep, she wasn't learning to fall asleep on her own and she ended up feeling insecure (and still does and want lights on and she is now 8 yrs old) Not to mention my husband and I never having any alone time.

With our second child, I have never started this. She sleeps great in her room, going to sleep is a non issue.. she doesn't require all the lights on that my oldest does.

I guess I would say I have lived and learned. I think also that with first children especially when the couple tries so hard - they tend to be overprotective. I tried for a year to have our first and really thought I would never have her.. i know there are other people that try alot longer than I ever did and needed assistance in getting pregnant.

So my first daughter was my treasure.. and I was going to be with her every minute and protect her from anything - but the thing is.. we raised an insecure child.

I know not everyone would agree.. but for me, this is how I feel.

Answer 3

This is a personal choice for them. My son is 16 months and he sleeps IN our bed. It's called co-sleeping, and it is becoming more and more normal in Western society-been normal around the rest of the world since the beginning of time. Many doctors and even more psychologist support it. Humans are not meant, after 9 months INSIDE their mother, to be thrust into the world, alone, at night, in the dark, in a cold, humanless, room, behind expensive bars.

This is an unnecessary invention of "modern" society, which thinks that machines and things can replace authentic humans. Toy companies make tons of money selling parents the lie that teddy bears who "imitate their mother's heartbeat" and lights and noise will somehow replace their loving arms and true heartbeat. Parents buy these things out of guilt, because deep inside they know something is wrong with their child being alone. There is no bear in the world that can replace a human child's parents. Infancy is NOT the time to teach independence! In fact, there is no need to teach independence at all. There are two main human life stages in which autonomy is clearly a natural driving force-toddlerhood and the teen years-the senior years!LOL. Humans naturally seek independence, why do you think there are so many books out there trying to figure out how to break a child's will?

It's crazy, our culture wants infants to be independent, and toddlers to be dependent, preteens to be independent, but teens to be dependent! None of this is normal. The human being already has a built in biology that works. What doesn't work is our too busy for children adult lives. Your grandson is not a "mamas boy" which implies that he loves or is TOO attached to his mom.There is no such thing as too much love from a parent. Parents are the center of child's world, and are the springboard from which children base their reality.

It has been proven time and time again, that children who don't give the MAXIMUM amount of love and affection in infancy(the only time it is really needed at a max from parents) either grow up defensively independent(I don't need anyone) or extremely needy(married young to ATTACH themselves, never been single, people pleasers at their own expense just to be accepted). The healthiest thing for an infant is to have his parents at his disposal when he needs them, so he can grow up secure in their foundational love and security. In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends babies sleep in their parent's rooms now, if not in their beds-not only for emotional reasons, but also because it substantially reduces infant death.

Answer 4

To be honest, because of financial issues, my daughter didn't stop sleeping in our room until she was nearly 5. Now she sleeps in her own room, and now we have a son who just turned two, same situation, he sleeps in our room. I really don't think you should be concerned with the issue. He's not going to be sleeping in their room when he's 16.

And honestly with all the things I hear on the news about people breaking into childrens bedrooms at night, I feel safer knowing that if a prowler comes in, momma and poppa are able to act on it, not asleep on the other side of the house.

Answer 5

I think that the parents are the ones with dependency issues. They tried for children for a while and finally got this one through insemination. They probably think he's too good to be true and something will happen to him, but not if he sleeps in their room. I don't think it's ok for the child's personality development, but he is THEIR son. They can raise him however they like as long as they're not abusive.

Answer 6

I could so relate to this. My son slept with us until he was two. Trust me I did not like it at all not only were me and my husband not able to be romantic in our own bedroom but he sometimes would sleep on our bed and I could not get close to my husband. It's nothing to be concerned about my son did ok going to his own bedroom. But now me and my hubby are much more closer, I love it now that he sleeps on his own. Also I also lived with my mother in law. And she was always telling us to put him in his bedroom. I did feel like she was trying to be intrusive. I know she was just concerned but I didn't like it when she kept bringing it up.

Answer 7

Leave them alone! It's not unhealthy for anyone and it's their child, NOT yours. If they feel more comfortable having their child sleep in their room, then they do. It's not you who will have to deal with putting the child in his own room if there is a problem with it. Plus, it's not uncommon. My friends still have their son sleep in a crib in their room and he is three. His room is across the hall, and no one feels comfortable with him in there. I have a cousin who has twins who are both still in their room and they are nearly 4. Even my sister still has her son in her room and he is almost 3. My other friends (who also tried for years and their daughter was concieved through invetro) had their daughter sleep in their room until she started school, but she was in a toddler bed next to their bed. She moved into her own room fine too and never had a problem. You are being overly concerned and overly nosey! It's not your child and your are (I am sure) a loving grandparent, but that's it...a grandparent. It's your son's family, if he has a problem, it's his job to fix it and not yours. I

Answer 8

Kids are all different and change at different paces. He may be very bright, but might like to sleep where he feels safe. Or maybe your son and daughter-in-law want to hang onto him that bit longer, as they longed for him for so long. Either way, we all have different views and ways of bringing up a child. I dont think it will affect him in later life.

Answer 9

Dont be concerned. She is probably over catious, being that it is her first, and it was a difficult road for them to have him in the first place.

A word of encouragment, I was a single Mom with my first child, she slept in my room till I she was a little over 3. She is now 10, and is bright, and well adjusted, and most certainly independent.

Answer 10

He's getting too big for a crib no matter where the crib is-

My 3 yr old sleeps in our bed- yes- we have zero sex ever- but we don't care. We'd rather have our daughter with us.

You are over concerning yourself with things that uh- don't concern you. If he is abused or neglected or starving then step in but why should you care where he sleeps???