2006-12-01 03:51:17 · 15 answers · asked by chosen_isaiah61 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
This is my favorite joke...
A pregnant lady was in a car accident and was in a coma for 9 months, not knowing she gave birth when she woke up the doctor told her she gave birth to twince. The Lady then asked the doctor if he named her. The dictor said "not knowing if you were going to come out of the coma we asked your brother Kevin to name them" she said "oh great, Kevin is the idiot of the family, what did he name them".. the doc said "well he named the girl Denise"... not bad said the lady, and the boy.... the doctorr said....."Denephew".
i love this joke
snowboarder
2006-12-01 04:39:12 · answer #1 · answered by 1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The funniest joke ever
2006-12-01 11:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by sooraj k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man died and went to heaven. Saint Peter met him at the gate.The man seen a guy tied up and crying inside the gate,he ask Saint Peter why the man was crying.SAINT PETER replied that the crying dude was a hillbilly from Kentucky,and he wanted to go home ever time the weather changed.
2006-12-01 12:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by tresses 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15
years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he
finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed
and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed,
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his
clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a
woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't
resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no
matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks
you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the
bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you, too.
2006-12-01 12:05:31 · answer #4 · answered by Pinky 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
2006-12-01 12:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by shoosh_b 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A teacher asked her students to use the word
"definitely" properly in a sentence. Lil Susie goes first
and declares "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher
replies "It's cloudy, today Susie ... the sky is actually gray." Bobby goes next by saying
"The grass is definitely green", to which the teacher corrects him "No, Bobby .... it's late autumn and the grass is actually brown." ......
Then Lil Johnny asks a question "Teacher,
Do farts have lumps in them" ? ........
The teacher gives Johnny a very stern look,
and says in firm voice "No Johnny, they don't" ! ........
Lil Johnny replies back "Then I DEFINITELY shitt my pants" !
LOL
2006-12-01 13:07:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding on the prarie.
Tonto holds his hand up and says STOP!!!
Tonto gets off his horse and sticks his ear to the gound.
(after picking his head up) Tonto says Buffalo come..
The Lone Ranger says..How can you tell?
Tonto (pointing at his ear) says EAR STICKY
2006-12-01 12:13:29 · answer #7 · answered by Shawn P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BAD ROBBER? BAD HUSBAND! OR DEAD HUSBAND?
A masked man runs into the sperm bank with a gun,
and goes to one of the ladies working there and tells
everyone to freeze.
The lady tries to explain to the man,
"Look...there is no money here. We are a sperm bank
and only have sperm in our vaults."
The robber looks and sees a cart with containers filled
with sperm and says to the lady,
"I want you to grab one of the containers and drink the sperm
in it or I will shoot you."
The woman is scared and complies with his request.
The man screams to grab another and drink it down.
The lady is so frightened that she does so again. The man
insists that she do it one more time, and she does.
After this the man takes off his mask and the lady sees
that it is her husband.
Her husband then yells at her,"See, was that so hard to do!"
2006-12-01 11:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A witch goes to an anger managment group and says:
"Hi, my name is Hazel, and I have a tendency to fly off the handle"
2006-12-01 11:53:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok so here goes....
Did you hear about the baby in the hospital that was born without eyelids... it's awful I KNOW!!
well it was a boy so when they surcumsized him they took that skin from there and made eyelids....
he's ok and everything but he's a little C0CK-EYED!!!!
lmao
2006-12-01 12:04:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋