I recently found out that my bf of 7 months is doing coke. When we started dating he was always ok but then there where times when he would just act different around me and as the time was going by he kept getting weirder and weirder, he gets so paranoid and goes from one place to the other without stopping, he drinks water like crazy and the worst part is that he doesnt notice if im there but if im about to leave he stops me. Now that he knows that i know he swears he is not going to do it again, i found out 2 weeks ago and he has done it once, should i stay and see if he changes or should i do something to help him. I love him so much i don't want to abandon him just like that. and he refuses to go to a rehab center, he keeps saying he doesnt need it. we are both 23. Please advise.
2006-12-01 03:41:52 · 30 answers · asked by lluvia2wcc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would try to help him as much as I could. Love and friendship helped me get off. I was on drugs for 4 years and with help from friends and family I was able to give it up. The key is to never give up trying. No matter if you think he is off or not, don't give up. Prayer is also a good thing to keep in mind in this situation. Coke is a very hard drug to quit. It will take alot of time and patience and hard work on both parts.
2006-12-01 03:47:38 · answer #1 · answered by smokeyprine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and feel your relationship is worth working on then stay. It will not be easy and you need to understand that he may do it because he has a problem. He may or may not lapse just be understanding. If you are willing to work it out set some ground rules. Let him know how you feel. If he truly wants to get off the coke then he will. This is a hard one for the both of you. He has to understand how important he is to you and how important you are to him. Give him a chance he may be able to kick the habit. If you see no progress within a certain amount of time tell him until he make a commitment to being clean you can't be together. You might need counseling to help you get through this time try Narcotics Anonymous. They are in your local phone book. Good Luck and God Bless
2006-12-01 11:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by daisygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say it, but if he's not going to rehab, your only real option is to leave him. He is the only person that's going to stop himself. You can't make him stop, and although he says he's going to stop, he probably won't. His unwillingness to go into rehab shows he's not viewing this as a serious problem.
Unfortunately, coke is not only going to screw up his mind, but his body, his finances..etc. It's going to take a serious toll on him if he keeps doing it...and eventually, he'll be a completely different person.. not the boyfriend you love.
You could try an intervention with friends and family, to get him into rehab... but I'm not sure if that will work. It's worth a try though. At a minimum, trying intervention with family and friends will allow you to feel like you didn't abandon him.
My question to you is though... if he's doing coke, not paying attn to you, doesn't know when you're there, is acting weird.... hasn't he in fact, abandoned you and your relationship?
Good luck
mj
2006-12-01 11:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. He is not going to get better until he admits himself into drug rehab. If he has been on coke for seven months he is not going to quit. If you love him and want to stay with him give him the choice. He goes into rehab, or you hit the door and never to return. More than likely he'll choose to seek help if not then you know drugs are more important to him than your relationship and you should be able to understand the love of coke is more than the love of a woman. I hope you make the right choice.
2006-12-01 11:47:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's unwilling to go to a rehab center, he's unwilling to get the help he needs in order to change. A drug addiction isn't something you can just break on your own, once you're in, you're in and you need professional help to get out of it. It's not something you're qualified to deal with, and it's not something you need in your life. I understand your feelings for the guy, and consider that they might be intensified by this new urge to help him with his problem, to nurture him through it, but it's not likely to help either of you in the long run. For both your sakes, and especially for your own sanity, leave him with a parting word of advice to get real help! Also keep in mind that 7 months is not really that long in a relationship... it's maybe past the "honeymoon" phase, and into the comfort stage, but you can still extricate yourself from it. It'll hurt, but I think it'll be best in the long run. Perhaps you could give him an ultimatum... you leave, or he goes to a rehab center. Tell him you'll stick by him and help him through it, but ONLY if he is willing to get the necessary help. Otherwise, it's good bye.
Good luck! I know this is tough.
2006-12-01 11:55:24 · answer #5 · answered by Viki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really do anyting except get out of there. Dating a hard drug addict is a good way to become a widow. He will lie to you until he decides to stop. This could be years from now, and he could do some pretty awful things in the meantime.
Even if nobody gets hurt, the one thing you can be sure of with a coke addict is if you stay with them you will end up poor. If being poor and struggling just to pay your bills appeals to you, by all means stay with him. If not, then leave, NOW.
2006-12-01 11:46:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you can to tell him how much he is hurting you and himself, it's sad to say but some people you can't change. You may love him dearly and want to help him but if he can't stop, then you need to move on. My theory is that you never fall out of love with somone. But this is something you don't need to be involved in. Tell him that he has to make a decision, you or drugs, and if he chooses to keep doing drugs, then you know that you are fully capable of moving on, and falling in love again with someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2006-12-01 11:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by Fallon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone in his position can't be helped until he wants it. There is nothing you can do for him. He needs rehab but he is obviously not admitting that he has a problem. You can stay and put up with all the quirks and dangers that may arise with someone who has a drug problem or leave and find someone more like yourself (drug free) and enjoy your life. For him drugs are his number one priority and nothing and no one will ever come before cociane. You can go to an Al-anon meeting and see for yourself what destruction can happen to families with drug users, or you can pick up your life and start anew! My advice run, run as fast as you can!!!
2006-12-01 11:46:28 · answer #8 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would leave him girl! If he is not ready to go to rehab, then there is no way you will get him to go. The more you tell him, the more he will get angry. He does not think he has a problem. If you truelly love him and still insist on helping him, maybe you can host an intervention with his friends and family who are also concerned.
2006-12-01 11:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was hooked on it, like doing it every day... then went from that to doing it once in two weeks, he might be getting better. But watch out, if he does it more often again, like, twice a week, or once a week every week... then he needs to know he has to stop all together.
He needs to know he's screwing himself. Occasional drug use is one thing... but daily or weekly is getting bad. That's just my opinion though.
I wouldn't just break up with him though... unless you don't love him at all. If you love him... like TRULY love him, then you should stick with him and try to help him, and if he DOESN'T help himself or WANT TO be helped, then leave him.
2006-12-01 11:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by yeah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋