My 15 year old daughter has suddenly started skipping class and failing subjects because she is not doing her work. I have grounded her and taken away all of her priveleges, but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?
2006-12-01 02:18:36 · 17 answers · asked by RayCATNG 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ouch! IF nothing is working, sit her down and explain to her that her WHOLE life will be ruined if she doesnt improve. Things like her future will be flushed away if she gets bad grades and fails classes. Noone wants to grow up and be a loser... she needs to understand what consequences she will be facing in her not so far off future by failing now.
2006-12-01 02:26:54 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Assuming that this has just started, something has changed.
At that age, and with all that that kids go through more than we had to there are lots of influences coming at her from all different directions. I would not take a wait and see approach but would seek counseling together (this I know is easier said than done).
Try to isolate what some of the influences are. What is her social life like? Has she lost friends or gained new ones. Has she changed her appearance (hygiene)? Boyfriends or crushes?
Take a mandatory road trip, go camping, or go on a several day adventure just for the family, no friends allowed (get her away from her current rut). Give her opportunities to talk and you listen (without judging). During this time don't tell anything, just ask questions, such as: "What do you imagine you would like to be if the sky was the limit, without any limitations?" "What can I do to help you achieve your goals?" By the way she might be interested to hear your current goals and goals you had at her age.
Be the best parent in the world (not the best friend in the world). Reward good behavior. You need to be consistent. Seek counseling together. Find an activity you both would enjoy doing everyday together.
2006-12-01 02:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by Jerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what I can suggest because I went through the same thing is that, is the father still involved? He might be molesting her, she might be ADD, she is trying to find herself at school and she doesn't know where she belongs. Let her call this number 757 640 5555 x 8336 or any teen hotline number and get her to express herself to someone other than family members to help her talk to you about her issues. Or take her to a psych and get her tested. She is not doing work because she can't. Help her through this. My husband has this and so do I. We weren't the best at school. I am very bright, but I never wanted to go to school because when I read the words started to mess up in my eyesight. I have ADD. Plus I have dyslexia. I'm not stupid, I just couldn't concentrate on my work. She has the same problem.
2006-12-01 04:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give her a drug test just becuase unless you've actually seen physical signs- that is the one most moronic things I've heard of parents doing thus far- and I've heard a lot. It's funny, because, actually, my parents had me do that when I was a kid... and it came up clean- big surprise! They weren't smart enough to have a real conversation with me or actually accept that my actions were result of family trauma. Honestly ask her why she's doing it and what she's unhappy with. Ask her why she thinks these decisions are good. In my experience, taking away her stuff only shows her that 1.) she is more bored and angry than before and more likely to get involved in mischief and 2.) that you are only there to reprimand her, not understand who she is becoming as a person and that you are there to help instill good attributes and enlighten her about the real world. The best thing you could ever do for a kid is enlighten them about reality- so many parents focus on what they think "parenting" is and ignore the key points like your own past experiences and lessons in real world terms rather than "what mommy/daddy is saying".
Somebody said "send her to a psychologist"- go ahead if you would like to give her the subliminal message (which is- "I'm not motivated enough to connect with you and understand you myself, that I'll just send you off to have someone else deal with you") Thus creating a larger rift in your relationship. If there are traumatic issues and you really do think she might like to go this route, confront them yourself and understand them first, and then secondly ask if a psychologist would be something she is interested in not a place you are going to tell her to go.
2006-12-01 02:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I would go to school and talk to the teachers, counselors and whoever else has knowledge of your daughthers academics.
It could be also you need to spend special time with her and she is trying to gain your attention this way.
Teenagers are difficult.. peer pressure is huge.
I guess if i were you, I'd try and dediciate more time to just being with my daughter whether it means playing a game, going to a movie together.. anything and then try and ask her how things are going at school.
Grounding is standard and needed but it doesn't address the anger or how she doesn't care.
2006-12-01 04:52:11 · answer #5 · answered by Momto2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a few days off from work (sick/vacation days) and follow her class to class. Make it known that you have full contact with all her teachers. Draw a baseline out of what you expect. Make sure she sits at the kitchen table and does her homework.Check if your school has an online bored that states homework assingments. Continue to take away priveleges. Also screen her friends and only allow her to be with them at your home.
2006-12-01 02:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just keep trying. Good luck. Hopefully its only a teenage phase. Also see who she is spending time with ,mixing with a bad crowd could ruin her life. Dont be afraid to be nosy and hurt her feelings. Its better to step in now before its too late.
2006-12-01 02:22:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah, look for drugs. it's good that your taking away her privelleges and stuff, what she's doing is ridiculous, don't let her do out with friends, go on ultimate lockdown, does your school have an online assignment calendar? check it and make sure she's doing her homework. it seems harsh but she might thank you someday.
PS drive her to school and pick her up from school. don't take any of her lip.
Also see if someone rapped her, sounds crazy but it sounds tipical of such happenings
2006-12-01 02:24:01 · answer #8 · answered by kitkatladee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Send her to a psychologist. Even if she doesn't have any emotional problems other than typical teenage rebellion, seeing a "shrink" is mortifying for many teenagers, and may scare her into behaving.
Also, make her get a job, to start learning responsibility.
2006-12-01 02:27:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try talking to her to see why she is doing these things. If it is sudden and not her usual personality, something may have happened - drugs, depression, assault.
Look past the symptoms and find the problem.
2006-12-01 02:21:41 · answer #10 · answered by teel2624 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋