I am divorced and live with my parents. I find it hard to open up with my parents though.
My mom is busy with her own life and she favors my brother and his family whom she is going to visit next week. My dad is busy with his work and other hobbies.
I sometimes feel left out and alone even though I am living with them. I can not share my problems and issues with them.
I am worried about my child. She lives with her Dad in another state. She is 14 and needs help with projects and tests in school. I wish that I could be there for her, but I have to keep reminding myself that my ex-husband has custody and I do not.
I have a job that I do not like. I am trying to look around for another job, but it is taking time.
I am confused about my Christmas plans. My child wants me to visit her and help her with a project. I was thinking of going to Las Vegas.
I am so confused but don't know who to turn to.
2006-12-01 02:12:04 · 2 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You "turn to " ...YOUR SELF!!! You listen with your heart AND with your brain!!! Your daughter NEEDS you!!! You need YOUR daughter!!! Think about YOUR child hood...Do you remember how many times you needed YOUR mother (and patterns don't change...if she is NOT there for you now...your mother was't "there for you" then!) and you felt the same "isolation" and difficulty in sharing your thoughts and feelings then AND NOW... so now...what do YOU think you should do??? Go to Vegas and have a "good time"??? for Christmas??? (Do you really think you could enjoy YOUR self knowing that Christmas is a season of loving and giving...and that YOUR daughter is LONGING TO BE WITH HER MOTHER?)
I doubt it!! There would be times when the guilt would hit you...and you would probably drink enough to "erase" the guilt...or maybe turn to drugs??? to dull YOUR PAIN!!!!
May I please be (tenderly!) brutal with you???
There is a reason WHY your husband got custody of your daughter... It may NOT have been YOUR FAULT that you have the feelings that you have concerning YOUR child hood...maybe YOU didn't have the ROLE MODEL mother that you wanted AND NEEDED then...but NOW>>>> YOU MUST GROW UP AND BE A PARENT TO YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!
Take YOUR responsibility as HER mother...and BREAK the
cycle YOU are in!!! Do NOT let NEGLECT be the legacy that YOU pass on to YOUR daughter!!! YOU are a parent FIRST...not a child first....You shouldn't be worrying about what YOUR parents do or think, or even how they treat you.... Your FIRST concern is to the beautiful young life YOU brought into this world...and how YOU can help mold HER life into the confident,
loving, RESPONSIBLE young woman SHE is trying to become!!!!
Now....hopefully...you will take all this in...and let it make you stronger...and open your eyes... Here's what I would do IF I was in YOUR situation:
GO SPEND THE TIME (that you were talking about spending in Vegas!) WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!!
You hate your current job???? GREAT!!!! it will make it easier!!! WHILE you are in the same state and town with your daughter...GET A NEWSPAPER and look through the want ads there...find a NEW JOB closer to your daughter...MOVE OUT OF YOUR parents house!!! There are assistance programs for single parents every where... find a agency to help you establish new residency in the SAME town your daughter and your ex live... Even though your ex has custody...that does't relieve you from YOUR responsibility... your daughter needs her MOTHER's influence!!! Be that role model for her... EVERY DAY of your life!!! You will feel SO MUCH better about yourself if you make the RIGHT decisions...sure...it will be hard...you will STILL make mistakes...but at least you will be DOING something...(besides feeling sorry for yourself!) And THAT my dear girl...will EMPOWER you!!! You will begin to feel your OWN self worth...(your own strenghth will surprise you!) and you will find things will be better for you AND your daughter...Your ex (not that HE matters! LOL!) will gain a new RESPECT for you...so will your parents!!! BUT most IMPORTANTLY>>> YOU will gain RESPECT for your self!!!! Good luck to you...I hope this has given you things to think about!!! Please...just DO something ...don't let your daughter grow up feeling inadaquate and insignificant like you have... YOU AND SHE both deserve better!!!
2006-12-01 02:26:56 · answer #1 · answered by photogram1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go and visit your daughter, she'll be hurt if you dont. keep in regular contact with her too. you should build up the courage to speak to your parents about how you feel, tell them you feel down and confused, surely they will listen to you and care. put more effort into your job hunting, i know its hard but maybe you'll gain some new friends with a new job, people you can open up to and feel comfortable around, good luck xxx
2006-12-01 10:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋