Am I wrong for not letting my babysitter sleep with my husband?? Advice please!!?

Question

My babysitter is very good with all of my kids. She loves them and takes very good care of them. She says that she really wants to do a good job of filling in for me when I am not around. Just the other day she asked if it would be ok if she slept with my husband while I am not at home so that the kids would feel like mommy is around. I was shocked! How could she ask me a question like this?? I told her no but my aunt told me that I am being selfish and am not looking out for the kids best intrest. She says that letting the babysitter sleep with my husband is a good way for them to bond and it will make the kids feel more at ease and be under less stress when I am not around. Should I let the babysitter sleep with my husband or should I explain to her that I am not comfortable with this suggestion?? Help please

Answer 1

Uhh no, how would that be in the kids best interest?

Or anyones for that matter...

Quite simply the babysitter is not you, just the babysitter. And you said you already told her no, so I don't think you need to explain anything to her.

Answer 2

Your aunt is nuts for saying that, no matter how much you love her. Good god I would never let such a thing happen!!! I more than likely would just let the babysitter go becuase of such an innapropriate question. If she asked for this kind of thing (w/o laughing) her prescence and influence around my family would make me very uneasy. What I'm really curious about is: How does your husband feel about this? Is she a "hot nanny"? I guess (or hope) you can see what I'm getting at.

I definately wouldn't be in need of her services any longer. She's crazy. I'd rather scurry to find a last minute and/or temporary babysitter so she could be on her way... Wow... I'm still baffled...

Answer 3

My personnel opinion, you are crazy for keeping her around. If she had the nerve to come out and ask you if that was ok, then she is either already doing or she is going to whether you approve or not. I know that you really like her, but she needs to go. Or you are going to have problems in the long run, with her and your relationship with your husband. Your aunt should of told you to get rid of her,not let her sleep with him!!! Also, if she wants to comfort the kids, she should be sleeping in their rooms, on the floor. That will make her close enough.. Please don't let this happen, you will ruin your relationship with your family, let alone your husband. You will no longer have a special bond. Sounds like you have a babysitter that wants your already made family. Please don't let this happen. Hope this Helps!!!

Answer 4

Time to get rid of the BABYSITTER! It sounds like she is getting to comfortable with her job! This WILL ruin your marriage if you let them sleep together! The most important thing are your kids this is not a good way for them to bond with her! This Will only confuse them and Add more stress to their lives! What does your husband think about this, if he already is not sleeping with her! The whole idea of this babysitter coming up with this idea is PSYCHO! Tell her to move on.

Answer 5

Letting your babysitter sleep with your husband when you're not around is not a good suggestion because it gives the impression that you are being permissive in the manner that your babysitter does not want to be considered the other woman,but the woman in your husband's life.You need to explain to her that this is not a idea and that your children do not need to be calling another woman mommy.

Answer 6

NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG! That would be putting her & your husband in a compromising situation. Your kids only have 1 mommy - 1 babysitter, they don't need to get the 2 confused. Sounds like the babysitter needs her own family- her own husband.

Answer 7

First, is your babysiter under 18? If so, and she has sex with your husband, your husband will be guilty of statutory rape (or worse--child molestation). If she is over 18, send her my way....just kidding. One thing that is unclear is whether you mean sleep as in "real sleep" or you mean sleep as in "wink wink...sex". Either way, they mean the same thing. She is unlikely to "real sleep" with your husband without "wink wink sleeping" with him. You are your husband's wife. You are the mother of your kids. Not her. It sounds like you spend a considerable amount of time away from your husband and children. If this is the case, then maybe you need to re-prioritize your life. If your husband and children are less important than whatever is keeping you away all the time, then maybe you need to consider whether married/family life is for you. And how does your husband feel about the issue? If he is excited about it, you most likely have trouble on your hands, and he may (I stress MAY) have already had sex with her, and her request is simply an attempt to legitimize the situation. Of course, if you really want to give your husband a treat, both you and the babysitter can have a threesome with him. Don't believe me? Ask him if he would like it....i bet he blushes, smirks, and/or smiles.

Answer 8

That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of! The kids are not going to suffer because Daddy sleeps alone when you are not there. Plus do you really want your sitter to think she can just replace you like that? Yes, you want your children to feel safe and secure when you can't be there, BUT it sounds to me like your sitter is not trying to be another person in your childrens lives that they are able to count on and love, but more like tryin to be your replacement! I would definatley tell her that it is NOT alright. If your circumstances make it neccassary for her to be there overnight when you are not there, the guest bedroom or couch is just fine! Oh, plus don't you think that in the long run it would confuse the kids as to what a comitted relationship is. I don't think some other women sleeping with Daddy would be setting a good example of a comitted mariage.

Answer 9

I strongly disagree with your Aunt. Allowing you sitter to sleep with your husband will only confuse the children. It not only confuses them it will undoubtedly influence them to take the same recourse in their lives. Address the underlying issues that have driven your children to be insecure about the sitter. I would say that the children are feeling very real insecurities. And no wonder, they are sensing that this person is possibly trying to manuever their mother right out of her role. You are the wife, not her, she is trying to take on all your roles. Her role is to be the caretaker of the children while you are gone. She is NOT the wife, nor was she hired to be. I would begin immediatetly to find someone else whom you can trust. Just the fact that she would even consider that role is a very loud warning sign that she is trying to manuever her way into your bedroom. Please dont make the mistake of allowing that woman to sleep with your significant other. Not only your happiness, but your children's happiness as well will depend on your decision to replace this women. Her intentions are not ethical at all.. take care and good luck....

Answer 10

I cant' believe you haven't already given her the heave-ho! She is way out of line and if she had the nerve to ask you that then dont' for a minute think if you tell her no, she cant' sleep with your husband she is gonna respect that decision. By asking you she showed no respect for you. Have you told you husband of her request? How does he feel being a piece of meat? Are you sure this is a woman you want helping you raise your kids? Sounds to me like she is trying to move in and replace you. You get yourself a support system and you stand up and tell this woman she cant' sleep with your husband and her other services are no longer required.