what is the best way to deal with a nitpicking in-laws?

Question

my husband and i always have to deal with my in-laws interventions, i dont want to hurt them but they are crossing our privacy..pls help.

Answer 1

who's parents on your side or his? talk to them tell them to butt out.

Answer 2

There is no reason you can't say, "I'm afraid I consider that rather a personal question." Is this primarily a question of them siding with your husband in matters which in conflict between you? Then you and your hubby need to make a deal not to tell them about such matters, and to present a united front when they are around.

If they are overly nosy, you two need easy ways to tell them to back off. "You'll be among the first to know," should be good enough as to when you expect to be expecting. Don't ever promise to make them literally the first, because circumstances could make that not happen, and it will be a promise broken. But "among the first" should be good enough for them.

Personally, I think in-laws become very different people when they turn into grandparents. Not necessarily easier to deal with, perhaps, but you are then in possession of a great bargaining chip. Not to UNfair advantage, but to full fair advantage for the child.

So it is your husband's parents that are the problem? Can he maybe talk to them and tell them something about why he is able to get along with your parents, and how he wishes they would give you the benefit of the doubt and not let you be your own boss in your own kitchen, etc. There are so many, many ways in-laws can be a nuisance, but there are also many ways they can be a great asset if peace can be negotiated.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

Sit down with them and watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Then comment, "Hey, that's kind of like us..." They'll get the idea. j/k don't do that, but the situation does make the show 10 times funnier!

Sit down with your husband and his parents and talk about their involvement in your lives. Tell them that you really appreciate them being a part of your and your children's (if you have them) lives, but you'd like to establish a stronger bond within the immediate family right now. Make sure that they know you want them in your lives, just not on a daily basis, because the time with them is not so special when it's all the time. You want to miss them once in a while, and they need to let you. Good luck!

Answer 4

This is a common problem, but you can't let it interrupt your life or make you miserable. Either your husband should tell them politely, but firmly, that they will stop meddling or they're not welcome, or YOU need to do it. Maybe you could remind them if what they felt like when THEIR in-laws kept butting in!

If your husband appeals to their love for him and desire to continue seeing him, they will cave in (if they really love him unselfishly...some people might be so self-centered that being "right" is more important than anyone else's happiness, including their own kids'). So, do what you need to do, but there are no guarantees on the results.

Good luck and stick to your guns!

Answer 5

some things are worth setting boundaries and some aren't....
my mom used to come over and say "you can't leave a candle burning in a room that's unattended!!"...so i'd say "thanks" and blow out the candles, then when she left i'd light em up again-cuz it wasn't worth debating the issue
however if it were a bigger or more important issue, i'd have to set some boundaries....
if they bring up a topic which is none of their business just say "that's personal" or "(husband) and i will deal with that on our own"
....if they're offering advice that you aren't asking for say "i can see why you'd do it that way, but i prefer to do it this way" (you're acknowledging that they have a valid point of view, but at the same time stating that you won't be taking the advice)
....if they're overly critical you might say "well, i understand that you think i'm doing it wrong or making a mistake....but i'm the one that has to live with the consequences, not you...it's my mistake to make"
good luck!

Answer 6

sence they r your in-laws , your hubby should be dealing with them, and put an end to it right away , or else it will go on and on for the rest of your life,and when they keep intervining ,tell them u don't have the time , u have other plans , u need to speak up as well on certain things or they will keep running right over u ,show them u have a life too and that u r not a push over

Answer 7

Your husband should sit them down and explain that you need your privacy. They definitely need to be talked to. If it's done in a polite way, you and he will have done your best to spare their feelings. If their feelings are hurt anyway, and you were firm but very polite and understanding, then it's not your fault.

Answer 8

Polite but firm, tell them their input isn't required. Too many people dance around these issues.

Answer 9

You have to stand up and tell them butt out.

Answer 10

I don't know, but if you figure it out let me know... seriously my mother in law is driving me NUTS!!!