i am a single parent with a 5 year old. He doesn't listen to a word i say?

Question

i was married but left my husband as he was physically abusive. our son was 2 months when i left. i have been finding things very hard now as he has become very disrespectful and doesn't listen to a word i say. i have not been in anothe relationship an dhave no support from family. i do not believe in hitting children so could someone please give me some advice on how to disipline him. i am 26 years old but find each day seems to be getting harder. please help

Answer 1

Welcome to the world of having a five year old.

This is pretty age normal behavior. They're conflicted between wanting parental approval, to realizing they are a separate entity and trying to assert some independance.

Let him make non safety choices for himself so he can learn via trial and error. Like orange juice on cornflakes...don't assert yourself on every little issue.

However, of greater issues that require more structure, safety awareness, then yes, non physical intervention is required. Time outs are good....if done consistently and properly.

Which means when he starts screaming and throwing tantrums, ignore him and keep him in time out. When time out is over, debrief and discuss what happened with him and your expectations for behaviour, and the consequences for not following those expectations. Follow thru every time on the consequences no matter the tears, the pouts, the I'm sorry's.

Kids need consistency and boundaries.

If he strikes out at you, physically restrain him if necessary by sitting down and hugging him whilst restraining his arms.

If he refuses to go to his time out place, physically bring him there. Only use as much force as necessary as physical disciplne has more negative effects.

If you're still having problems coping, contact a children service resource in your area and ask for help or resources.

Lots of Luck.....and remember, this too shall pass

Answer 2

As much as many parents might disagree with using spanking as an appropriate punishment, it actually does work. Time outs and all that modern disciplinary actions are alright and do work, but they only give you a temporary solution to your problem.

(For this to work the most effectively, go about this as close to the suggestion i give you as you can.)

When he doesn't listen or mouths off, spank him. You can give him a warning, but just one. Tell him that if he doesn't behave and stop disrespecting you, that you will give him a spanking he won't forget. Show him what you're going to use on him, too.

Once he misbehaves again, then follow through (this is the toughest part). You don't have to go all out if you don't want, but get your point across. Make sure he knows that what you say is final and that you are the boss. From then on, you shouldn't have to spank him, at least not as hard as the first time; just do it hard enough to get his attention.

Even though spanking is the most effective remedy to the situation, you may also want to take objects away instead. Depending on the severity of the infraction, take away objects that means something to him. Heck if you want, take away everything but the bed and dresser from his room. Over time he can earn items back, whether it be with doing chores around the house or being good for a certain amount of time.

Oh and don't call supernanny, that just makes you look like a bad mother. It's almost as if you went on to the Jerry Springer show and well that's as far as I will go with that. However, contrary to what I said above, you can take a supernanny approach to the whole situation.

I hope I could be of some help to you.

Answer 3

How ironic that I was online searching for encouraging words from a mother to her son when I stumbled across your question. (i'm missing my son) I don't' know how encouraging my words will be. I am also a single mother and have been raising my child on my own, I left my husband when my child was one week old. I moved in with my parents for a month and found a place to rent and quickly move in. I know what your going through and how hard it is on your own and how hard your future will be. Many years before I could even furnish my apartment or even buy a car. I can go on and tell you about my life struggles but that won't help. You need to believe in yourself and know that the day your son was born was the day you gave up your priorities for his. Your son is the most important thing, but you must believe in yourself and the choices you make will always be in his best interest, even when your in doubt or people make you feel that what your doing is wrong. I don't know what to say about your mother, I guess she is entitled to her own privacy. I believe that not everyone women that gives birth is meant to be a mother. Your sons education is very important and what school you place him in I don't think is all that important. Their will trials and tribulations for each student. You need to be their for him. I've had my son in Catholic and now Public schooling. Public offers more financial funding (my son has a disability) so I go where the money is. Straight Up! I work and pay taxes and my son deserves the best and same education as any other child. Stay strong and remember to tell him you love him every day, trust me that's what he will always remember. "LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF BREATHS WE TAKE, BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY" Good Luck and God Bless You Both Not Just A Mom

Answer 4

I have the same problem with my 5 year old son. He's even misbehaving at school now and I have been told to be consistant when punishing them. Take things that they like away. I do too much yelling and not enough "doing" and that is the problem I beleive so I would say when you say no thats just that-no and give no exceptions and if he doesnt like put him in his room for awhile. MOst important stick to your word. DOnt give in. I know its hard because I worry about hurting his feelings, but do you want a 16 year old walking all over you becasue thats what it will turn into for both of us. good luck.

Answer 5

Try something called an "If....Then Chart" (you can google this to find an example). Make a numbered list of offenses, paired with appropriate punishments and/or extra chores. For example, for the first offense, he must have a 5 minute time out. Second offense, he must clean the toilet (or another age appropriate yet unpleasant task). Third offense, he gets a priveledge taken away (TV, Video Game, Favorite toy, etc.). Fourth offense (and last resort) - a swat on the behind or a longer period of time in his room. Make sure that his room is boring (no TV, etc.). STICK WITH THIS CHART and be consistent. He will absolutely test you at first, but when he finds out that you mean business, I think you'll find that things will get better.

Children need rules and consistency to feel comfortable with their environment. If you provide them for him, it will have a positive impact...maybe not at first, since he'll resist change, but if you stay strong then it will work out.

Answer 6

Probably there are parent organizations you can tap into.

I'm not a parent but what my parents friends have recommended:
1) WATCH supernanny, I've never seen it but it works. Watch it with the kid so he knows the rules
2) TIME OUTS. You can physically put him some where and ignore him. Kids need attention. This actually works, I've heard but you are better to get perspective from other parents.
3) If he enjoys priveledges such as watching TV, you have the power to deprive him

I expect it will take him time to adjust to whatever you change and that he will 'resist' by the time honoured methods: screaming, whining etc.

Anyway, hang in there. You are not alone.

Answer 7

It's time to have that Big Talk with him. All about what it is to grow up, and how he has to learn some things really early, so the rest of the things he needs to learn will be all that much easier to learn.

You should be getting some support from the school on this, if he's going to school. He needs to learn how to pay attention to what he is doing and not say more than is called for. He cannot go on expecting to be the center of attention whenever he wants to be, but the rewards for learning how to be a nice little gentleman are great. He can learn how to do things that are not only interesting and fun, but also can earn him money when he grows up, so that he can earn his money doing things he likes to do, instead of things that feel like a burden just for the money.

He's old enough to understand the basic realities of good manners, and if he hasn't gotten them by now, the penalties for neglecting this area of his education go up. So he's just got to pay attention to Mommy when she is explaining how to be a gentleman. If you hook all good manners on that word, and make it your obvious recommendation, it will work. It will not always be easy, but keep your eye AND his eye focused on the goal: he's to grow up to be a gentleman who has respect and makes his own way with pride and honor.

You give a kid the vocabulary to be good, that's what they prefer to be: the rewards really are there. When he reaches puberty, he'll start reaping those rewards. Then there's a whole lot more to teach him, but one thing at a time.

Answer 8

Don't stress your self this is a 5 year old and this is he's mission to see if he can get his way. be contestant if you are the type to slowly give in he well do his best to fight you every time, when you say no the first time it must be no all the time. and I always found time out to work for me, if you but him in his room and get a timer set it at a min. for each year he is, so 5 Min's and If he miss behaves and tries to come out before the time is up you add a min.5 to 6 to 7 until he knows, Hey I better just stay here or mom will make me stay longer.
Remember who's in charge. good luck.

Answer 9

Good for you leaving an abusive relationship! What you need to do is set punishment down and stick to them. He will push your buttons to see how much he can get away with however you need to stick to your guns.
If you tell him to put his toys away and he says no then he can go into time out until he is ready to pick up his toys.
When he figures out you mean business and are not going to be giving in then he will start. At first it will be difficult. He will sit there for a while eventually he will learn it's got to be your way or no way at all.
You have mustard the strenght to leave an abusive relationship with a 2 month old. You can do this too.
Best of luck.

Answer 10

First let me say kudos to you for protecting yourself and your child from your abusive husband. Since you left that type of environment, it would be hard for you to lay hands on your child. I agree with Mohommed that some form of Martial arts training would be very helpful. I am a single mother of twin boys. When they reached about 5 or 6, we started having behavior issues. One of their teachers suggested Tae Kwon Do. It has been amazing to see the changes in them. It taught them self discipline, self respect, and respect towards others. It also gave them an outlet for all of the pent of energy little boys seem to be blessed with an abundance of. I also agree with some of the other answers that you have to set your boundaries and stick to them. I had a family meeting with my sons and we established what our house rules would be and what the consequences of breaking the rules would be. There was never room for argument when I had to enforce discipline, because they already knew what would happen. I won't say that I've never popped them on the behind because I have, but beating my children has never been an option. They are now teenagers who are respectful and fairly well behaved considering that they are teenagers LOL. Good luck to you sweetie and stand your ground. You are the parent and he will just have get used to it.