My boyfriend's sister just left her husband now she thinks that we should be helping her with everything?

Question

I don't mind helping family but is there aline that should be drawn at a point???? I have taken her and her two kids to the doctor paid for food and bills....i have two kids of my own and have to take care of them but she wants to go back to work and me watch the kids.I plan to go back to work and she offered to keep the kids if I paid her. Daycare or her???? I am getting stressed with everything going on forty dollars has come up missing so far since she left her husband should I think it was her, she said it wasn't....I am not sure what to do help her with everything and not get paided back....I think that she should think about a job for her and put her kids in daycare but she doesn't want that should I just go get a job and put my kids in daycare...

Answer 1

Well first of all, Its not your responsibility to be taking care of her. Yes helping out Every once in a while is a good thing, because we need to bless others. But she shouldnt take advantage of you, which it seems like she is.
You need to talk to your husband about this, and discuss where the limits are. DONT let her take over your money issues, because I can tell you one thing. If you and your husband will continue to pay for her stuff, then you and your man will be broke , and it could cause marriage problems.

Answer 2

You have to take care of you first. Go back to work and put your kids in daycare. You will have much more peace of mind knowing they are there than with someone so irresponsible. As far as her wanting you to watch her kids while she worked, well, we don't always get what we want in life and she should be old enough to know that. She can put her kids in daycare the same as you. I wouldn't loan her another dime until she pays the rest back (should be easy once she gets that job, right?) You might even want to draw up a written agreement on when she needs to pay you and how much. It sounds like she is stressing you out. Don't let her. She made this bed, she can lie in it. If you want to be nice you can always point her towards public assistance programs (like WIC) if you feel she needs it.

Good luck to you and your little ones.

Answer 3

~It sounds as if you've helped her out quite a bit and she has no plans to take care of her and her own children. You and yours come first! How does your boyfriend feel about this? You may never know what happened to that 40 bucks.
When you help someone, you don't expect to be paid back. Why isn't her husband paying Child Support? I think you should go back to work and put your kids in daycare and advise her to do the same before they are homeless!~
Good Luck.

Answer 4

I dont know about in your area, but in mine, daycare is $25-$35 per child, per day. If you make minimum wage, your working to pay some stranger to watch your kids. Anything over that amount paid to daycare, doesnt even cover food, rent, electric for the month.

she needs your help right now, and maybe she can watch your kids while you work to help pay back the money you have helped her with.

call local churches (all of them) and find out where the food banks are, this will help her a lot. some let you come once a week, and some only once every other week.

most states offer medical coverage for children, for free. contact your state (**.gov [the abrevation then dot gov]) and search health and human services dept. call and ask for an application to be mailed.

right now, she is probably in a fog and stressed more then you could possible imagine, so she may need help finding help for herself. she needs your to help to guide her.

in my family, its every man for himself. there is no support system, nor supportive anything. gifts and help comes with strings.

she is lucky to have you, doing so much for her.

Answer 5

You seem like a very good hearted woman, and that's why I just ask you to think if you were in her shoes what would you think would be fair?? I know someone in my job that she and her friend take care of each other children, she works in the morning from 7 am to 1 so her friend takes care of her 1 year old son, and her friend works from 3 to 9 and the other babysitts her son too, so they both save a lot of money in daycare and they know their sons are being well taken care off. So just forget about her being your boyfriend's sister and think of her as a friend, forget about her not being with her husband, and just do what is best for both of you. But if you are a stay at home mom, well just baby sit her kids but charge her something (small of course!). You guys should talk how you two can help each other, and not her trying to take advantage of your good heart. (Like there are a lot of people that like to take advantage of good people just trying to help)

Answer 6

You can only help so much, let her know how you feel about all this. Then if you perfer to go back to work and put your kids in Daycare then do that. She should not expect you to put your life on hold. Tell her sometimes we have to do things we dont want to do, and if she needs a job and has to her kids in daycare then she has to do it.

Answer 7

She needs to get back on her feet now,esp when you are so willing to help her out. You need to tell her you plan on putting the kids in daycare and she should start looking for a job while you're not working and can watch the kids when she goes out to look for a job.

Answer 8

First and foremost, put your children in daycare!! She is going through too much stress to properly care for your children all day----as you pointed out, she is not really able to care for her own kids! Gosh, why would you consider putting your kids with her?

Next, you say she is your boyfriend's sister. I don't know how close you are, but technically, she is not your "family," in the literal sense of the word. You do not owe her anything, it is not your responsibility to buy her groceries or pay for the kids doctor bills. It is her and her husbands responsibility to take care of these expenses. If you and/or your boyfriend pick up the tab, it is just more reason for her not to take responsibility for her decisions.

In a nutshell, find a good daycare for you kids and she should do the same as she is going to need to work to help support her own family! Stop all financial aid to this person immediately! What you are willing to offer emotionally, is up to you, though, I would not be come too deeply involved in her personal life.

The missing 40-bucks....if you have no concrete proof say nothing. Just ALWAYS keep your purse or valuables hidden or out of reach when she is around.

Answer 9

I am inclined to agree with you. You have done what you can for her and you have to drawn the line somewhere. You have to explain this to her. Is there other family she can go to for more help? It doesn't sound to me like she left an abusive marriage and needs safe haven. Of course, if that is the case you should refer her battered womens' programs in your area. Other than that, she needs to find work and support her own children...you are already doing the best you can with your own, and with the holidays coming up nobody can afford to support an additional family. Maybe you can pick up some job applications for her or go with her to the local employment office for emotional support. Good luck!

Answer 10

You should help her , she is a part of you family after all, but I think you should be care full in two things. First help her by giving her the chance to stand on her own feet again.Just like the fisherman to his child,he won't be giving his child a fish everyday... he will TEACH his child a good way TO CATCH fish everyday. Second you should make her understand that you have a life as well with your needs and your problems , talk with her about it , show her that you want to help but ask her to respect your life,your privacy, your family. I think that a good conversation will help you both to achieve the best you can.
Hope for the best.