My neice will be getting married in December 31. She called me on Thanksgiving morning to let me know that they had decided to cut down on their guest list, and that my family and I will not be invited to their wedding. My parents are both deceased, and I have 2 sisters with 6 neices...3 each...She went on to tell me that she is going to invite my other sister and her family. My feelings were very hurt, but I tried not to show this, as I don't want to cause drama with in the family. I was almost over this when I heard the next day that the oldest daughter of my other sister had her first baby (the first to give birth of any of our kids) a week earlier, and nobody informed me...ouch....hurt my feelings again...NOW...I got an e-mail from my sister (mother of the bride) last night...to keep December 10 open, as I will be recieving a wedding shower invitation sometime this or next week. I am numb, and I really do not know how to handle this?
2006-11-30 22:48:29 · 32 answers · asked by catywhumpass 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just a few details here, based on some of the responces....I haven't made a big deal of this...like I said, I don't want the drama...but that does not mean that my feelings are not extreamly hurt....as far as my neice who just had the baby...no I did not go help her out with housework, as she lives in California, and I live in Michigan...but does that eliminate me from the list of people to call after the big event? My other sister (mother of the bride ) recieved a phone call...why would my number not be the very next one dialed? The way I found out was my sister (mother of the bride) e mailed me thanksgiving evening to tell me that they had dinner with the ttable set with a tablecloth that I had given to her as a gift a few months ago...and she was mentioned how cute the baby is....that was the first I had heard of the birth....baby was born the Saturday before.
2006-12-01 00:12:43 · update #1
Wow they are hurtful. You are trying to stick together as family and they are casting you aside.
I would express my hurt to the grandmother of the newborn on that issue.
About the wedding shower, why should you go and give a gift if you aren't invited to the wedding? That would be my question to my sister.
I think it's rude to invite you to the shower (for gifts) but not the wedding.
Don't go. Don't let them outcast you as they want anymore and express your feelings to your sister about this.
Good luck!
2006-11-30 22:53:33 · answer #1 · answered by LC 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Relax, don't worry, be happy. As that guy said in a well known song.
Your family loves you very much, but there are other circumstances that are not being discussed. Such as: the expense of having a wedding, even a modest one these days.
And balancing the number of guests between HIS family and HERS.
You should go to the wedding shower and take a NICE gift. Not a cheap one to show sarcasm or disappointment. You will be remembered kindly for it. Remember, there are 5 more nieces in the future!!
If the wedding is in your town, GO ANYWAY. Not with your entire family, but just YOU. Stand in the back, smile, cry. And leave in your own car. DON'T go to the reception and drink, eat a meal and cake.
Take a few nice photos and make copies for the couple. Give them much later...after the honeymoon. I'll bet it's a modest honeymoon trip as well.
PS.. did you ever visit that pregnant niece and help her around the house in 9 months? Hmmmm? If so, I apologize... Trevor.
HOURS LATER... 2000 miles from the baby? OK, again, more info, I didn't know. Your family is indeed distant... and distant.
I'm surprised at how "revengeful" most of these 20 answerers are. I still say Relax, and think about the next wedding / baby / graduation. People are much more likely to invite an understanding relative than one who 'sends a cheap $10 toaster with a third party to save postage'. Are you going to teach anybody a lesson by drifting away? No. Drift closer. You phone them, tonight. Ask what the new baby needs to start conversation. Good luck........
2006-11-30 22:52:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Okay, here is your situation as I understand it. You have two sisters involved here. One of them has a daughter who is getting married, and they are inviting your other sister but not you. The sister who is getting invited just became a grandmother, and you weren't told about it. Now, the sister with the bride-to-be expects you to give a shower gift.
If this is the case, tell them to stick where the sun doesn't shine! It is so extremely rude of them to not invite you to the wedding if they are inviting your other sister and her family. But to be expected to go to a shower and bring a gift as well! Oh no, no, no!
Of course you should be hurt! Your sisters and their families have done a lot to exclude you (except when they want things from you, of course, like gifts).
If I were you, I would respond to the mother-of-the-bride's email. Say "I'm not sure if you are aware, but your daughter informed me last week that I will not be invited to the wedding. I was quite surprised to learn that me and my family seem to be the only ones who are no longer invited, since Other Sister will still be attending. So, needless to say, I will not be attending a wedding shower for a wedding I am not invited to."
2006-12-01 03:16:36 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I really dont know what to tell you. *HUGS* In my family you invite family and then if you have enough money you add others to the guest list. I also cant even imagine not being called after a baby is born. My aunt's husbands daughter from the first marriage just had twins and and I was called by my mom to notify me. Personally I would mention, at least to my sister, that my feelings were really hurt by not being included in so many important family events. I hope you feel better. I can't even imagine how much that must hurt. And helping out with cleaning isn't a prerequisite for being called about the baby in my opinion. I called my entire family even though none of them were close enough geographically to have helped out with things.
2006-12-01 06:28:24 · answer #4 · answered by evilangelfaery919 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very poor form to invite you to give a gift but not to be part of the big day, and that you have the right to feel hurt. As for how you respond, that depends a lot on you. You may want to talk to the family members, rather than to allow the misunderstandings to escalate. You are not obligated to give a gift, but you could send a card.
2006-12-01 07:56:31 · answer #5 · answered by Saph 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be PISSED and I am sorry but I don't think you should take this back seat, dont casue drama approch, you need to make a statement and let it be known that your PISSED.. .First of all DON'T go to the shower, don't get her a gift DON'T do any of that. That is totally tacky and wrong and your niece should be ashamed of herself. That is fine not to be upset and you can keep being nice and sweet when you see them, but just don't show up to the shower and if they ask where you were, say you had other plans and be nice about it. Treat them the same way they are treating you, nice but mean. You can be nice and mean too!!!! GL
2006-12-01 04:32:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is very rude of your sister (mother of the bride) not to invite both of her sisters (and their families) to her daughter's wedding. are they only having 15 or 20 people at the wedding? If they are having more, chances are the bride's friends came before your. Family should always come first. Friends may come and go, but family is always family no matter how much you dislike each other.
I say go to the bridal shower. Enjoy yourself! Eat cake! Visit with family and friends. --But I would not get the bride-to-be a present. A nice card perhaps, but why should you give money or a gift to show your appreciation for her when they don't seem to appreciate you enough to invite you to the wedding. You don't have to say anything, but a nice card should be sufficient to show how you feel about their indifference toward you.
2006-12-01 01:56:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
OUCH!!! I'm sorry, budget or not you are family, this is your sisters daughter tell her to cut one of her friends because it's family that gets you through the rought times when friends seem to forget you. I would let my sister(mother of the bride)know how you feel, as for the shower, give her a gift after all she is FAMILY!
2006-12-01 09:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by stanley h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I,personally,was appalled by your nieces thoughtless action. Aunts should always be front -of-the-line invitees,always. They are the closest in the bloodline to the bride's own mother or father! You have every reason to be hurt and the added insult of being asked to give them a present at a shower but not getting to share in the joy of the wedding has to hurt. What does her mother think of this? You should definitely tell her how hurt you are to be the only one left out and for what reason? Ask her if you did something to offend either of them or do they have any issues with you or any members of your family. This happened to me but to a lesser degree....I was the one and only cousin out of 20 not invited to my uncle's son's wedding. Even the adopted cousins were invited. I never asked why and it still hurts when I think about it. You need closure on this issue for 2 reasons....one to give yourself some peace and second,to let your niece know her thoughtlessness is injurious to others. You deserve better.
2006-12-01 09:22:04 · answer #9 · answered by jidwg 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would simply respond by saying you are busy that day and don't go. Being cut out of a wedding but included in the bridal shower is weird. It's like they just want your gift and that's it. I'm no longer friends with a gal who, when she got engaged, told me to save the date for her wedding and her showers - then the time came for the events and I never got invited. It was awful - and hard to forget. I feel for you!!
2006-12-01 03:07:17 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋