My dads always drunk every day. My families stuck with him because my mom needs him to survive. ( Like bringing home money to pay for the rent ) It's frustrating because my mom is always covering for what he does such when he trashes the house throwing things when he's mad. There were times when he beat my mom but that's very rare though... but it still happens at times. It's scary living with the guy and hard to ignore him because when he's mad he verbally attacks anyone in sight when your minding your own business.I tell my mom that they should split so many times but she just acts like nothing happens... People always tell me that he's still my dad and that i shouldn't stay stuff about him like that especially to my mom? I dunno... So whoes side am i supposed to be on?
2006-11-30 17:16:39 · 13 answers · asked by Aaron Y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Actually he's already beaten me... I hit him first though. My mom says that I am guilty of that because he's STILL my dad and what kind of a son would do that... well he was up on my face threw a fully loaded uopened beer can at me with full throttle... cussing at me, screaming at the top of his lungs where it felt like my ear was gonna pop, and saying cruel things to me like how I don't even compare with a dog or any kind of animal out there, as always. He asks me questions about why I did this and that, and when I do give an explanation to justify whatever it is that he thinks i did wrong he ends up getting more mad because he thinks im trying to get smart with him??? You know what we were once a very happy family until he started the habit of drinking at around when I was 6 years old... then all hell came loose. There were times when I was hiding inside the closet because my dad would go berserk at times. To be exposed to such insanity at such an age when i think about it...
2006-12-01 20:11:36 · update #1
I ignore him and we no longer talk... My mom haunts me with the fact that when he dies one day I'm gonna regret not talking to him... But on the day when I did chose to stop forgiving him and avoid all interaction with him as much as possible I started doing good in school, lay off the drug habits, and fully recover on my own without any kind of help from anyone or any therapy. I'm a current college student and I plan on transferring to a University. But tell me, am I a bad son for not being able to put up with him? But my mom and sister keep rubbing it on my face and gives me the guilt trip that I need to over look his behavior. So now I'm confused because my mom and my older sister gives me this delusional feeling that everything that my dad does is something that's ok and perfectly fine. It's frustrating because my own family members arnt even on my side and I'm being treated as the deviant because my mom and sister are always onto cover everything up.
2006-12-01 20:22:24 · update #2
Be on your side thats all that matters. I haven't had a father for 27 years and I am 27. My mom made the smart choice and got out. My sperm donor is a raging alcoholic and hasn't changed to this day. So I can say I am better off that might make me sound bad but I can honestly say my life has been better without him.
2006-11-30 17:35:09 · answer #1 · answered by Obsidian © 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The dynamic of an abusive relationship is hard to understand. My opinion is that I personally was much better off once my abusive father left our family. I was very lucky because my mother had the courage and family support to leave my natural father - not all women are able to break free.
If I was you, the side I'd be on was mom's - but you don't want to add to her trouble by bullying her into doing something she doesn't feel she can. The one thing that you can do, that costs nothing and can be very powerful is visualization and intention. Get the picture in your mind of your mother at peace, your father better or gone, and you happy and contented. If you can think it you can make it, they say. Thoughts become things - and if you can visualize and feel the way life should be, you can make some changes in your circumstances without saying a word.
Peace!
2006-12-01 01:25:27 · answer #2 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your Mother is codependent and she needs as much help as your Father does. I hope you don't fall into that trap with them. They have a group called alateen, you should check into it. Wouldn't hurt your Mom to check on alanon either. It's supports groups for children & spouses of alcoholics. Your Mom uses money as an excuse to stay. I know I've been where she is. But to answer your question, I'd rather have no Dad at all as to have a drunk. My Dad died when I was 11, he was a good man. But I was married to an alcoholic so I know what it's like. My kids begged me to leave because they couldn't stand the situation. It was hard financially but we made it and we were so much happier. I really hope you and your Mom get help.
Good Luck
2006-12-01 01:26:08 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aaron: It is important firstly, that you get yourself into a support group with people your age going through the same experiences as you are. Ala -teen is one such group which will help you deal with living with an alcoholic. Do it for yourself - you will get help with coping and able to understand the disease of alcoholism and the effect it has on your father, mother and you. This in turn, will help you to help yourself. You are to be on your own side for now. Take care of yourself, acquire understanding and coping skills. Your mom is an enabler and doesn't realize that she is by staying with your dad. Your dad is a sick man and only HE can decide to go for help and put the bottle away - no one else can make that choice for him. Please take my advice (you will be glad you did - I promise! ). You can find an Ala-Teen group in the listing in the yellow pages or contact Alcoholics Anonymous [A.A.] ... if you are a student, see your school guidance counsellor or even, your church pastor or family Doctor. Yes; it is just THAT IMPORTANT !!! I have seen friend's of mine, who had a parent, who is an alcoholic and the program [ Ala-Teen] worked for them ( brought sanity back into their life) . Good luck to you "Aaron" !!!
2006-12-01 01:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 35 yrs, I have cut my father out of my life. He abused me when I was growing up,my mother stayed right with him(until she died in 1994). He was and still is a drug addict. I go to counseling because of him, and to protect my kids he is not allowed in their lives. He also abused my mom mentally and emotionally all their 25 yrs together,so don't blame your mom,she's probably just living. I say tell someone and get OUT!!!
2006-12-01 03:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by Mother of 2 girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me I reckon both of your parents need help. But in some cases it would be best for your mom and for your dad to have a bit of a break from each other for a few weeks and get him away from those drinks.
As I experienced it with my mom's ex ex boyfriend. once a week he would go of the deep end so my mom would disappear with y sister and I, an then we would go back to her ex ex boyfriends place.
2006-12-01 01:33:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand by your mom. My ex step dad, who I looked at like my father, drank and beat me, and almost went after my mom. I lived with it for damn near 10 years with him hitting me, and finally I got even, and kicked him in the jaw one night. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but you have to do what you have to do. I would try to get it through your moms head, as mean as it sounds, that he is going to seriously hurt her one night. If not that when he starts hitting her secretly call the cops and have him arrested. Y'all are better off without him.
2006-12-01 05:37:09 · answer #7 · answered by ~Jen~I love my soldier~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a lose lose situation. Been there, lived it. I hated my father for physically abusing my mother. And couldnt respect my mother for putting up with it. He left when I was 10. It was the happiest day for me. But I'm sure she always foolishly waited for his return. There is no explanation. And you dont need to take sides. To answer your question. NO father at all is WAY better in my experienced opinion!
2006-12-01 01:24:41 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
dad is after all dad,this is ironical even though u cannot take him. but i suggest u instead of disregarding him avoid him. jus don face him or be in front of him.don make urself the same bieng like ur father,next time be a good dad for ur kids.
2006-12-01 05:08:27 · answer #9 · answered by paradise 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Tell someone. Raise holy hell if he hits you, you don't deserve this, your mom doesn't deserve this. Sometime when he's in one of his drunken moods and hitting your mom, call the cops. 911/999. Your father has to be stopped. My grandson was abused for five years by his father and it ruined his life. Hell, he almost took it. Listen to me. GET HELP.
2006-12-01 01:38:00 · answer #10 · answered by CandyCorn 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋