I live near NYC and my cousin lives in california. his fiance and him have been together for 8 years already. I got engaged this past February and soon after I heard they were planning on getting married as well...come to find out she picked the same day I did. I really want my family on the west coast to be at my wedding since we are having a big traditional wedding and they are not.
any advice?
2006-11-30 16:10:44 · 17 answers · asked by Lainey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I had chosen my date first I have my reception site picked out and have the deposit and all. i cannot change my date.
its not a competition at all. Plus they have the California weather on their side and are just planning a small thing perhaps at a restaurant or even outdoors. Nothing like mine at all.
2006-11-30 16:21:57 · update #1
i have my deposits on my reception, my photographer, video, dj, and the church is booked...
minor detail...they have been engaged for FOUR years and once I got engaged she (the fiance) decided she wanted to get married and then took my date....
2006-11-30 16:50:43 · update #2
wedding date is 9/8/07
2006-12-01 04:56:58 · update #3
Premptive strike! Send your invitations out months early and ask for an RSVP by a certain date...about the time her invitations would probably go out so you will have the guests locked in before she knows what happened. She can move her date back a lot easier than you can so be a little devious....its not mean...its survival of the smartest!!
2006-12-01 09:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by jidwg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that the one with the most "practical" reason for picking that date wins. Which would be you. However, that doesn't count if all the people aren't playing by the same rules. And it sounds like your cousin may choose that day too, regardless of what you do. If you feel that your cousin will likely not compromise on his date and keep it even if you put a deposit down a a place first - then you have to decide whether you want to be "right" (sticking to your guns and not moving your date either since you did get it first) - which would essentially turn into a game of wedding chicken - or if you want to be "happy" and have your own unique day - despite the more inconvenience to your travelers and the fact that technically, it's not fair. A sit down heart - to - heart with your cousin and fiance is in order. But keep the bigger picture of what is more important to you - the date itself or not sharing a wedding date. And don't let the comparisons be a factor. He's the ONLY one that will compare - everyone else will recognize that weddings are not a place to play "mine is bigger than yours." She'll only ending up looking like a insecure child to everyone else.
2016-05-23 06:57:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you cannot change your date your answer is already made. Now the only thing you have to do is: 1st set-up a webpage with wedding info. and the ability to confirm on your website.Next send out save the date cards with your website address on it. Even though everyone will not go to the site and confirm enough of your family will in order for you to start making plans for your out of town relatives who will attend.
Furthermore, unless there is bad blood between you and the cousin and battle sides have been chosen by other relatives you should have a fairly large amount of family in attendance, since they have been living together for 4 years they are already married--common law
2006-11-30 17:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by missnuarlens 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would like to think the first engaged should be the one who gets the date. But you have to remember that it is only a date, a symbol, the actual events is what matters. Therefore if you want your family there you may need to be the one to switch dates. If you have started to order items or book vendors I would call your cousin and talk to them about switching their date. Simply explain that you were engaged first, but you have to remember they have been together longer and may have already begun the planning before their engagement. I went through a similar situation with my fiancee's sister. Good luck, but be strong if you really want that date!
2006-11-30 16:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by Blondie98_01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not talk to them and their parents since they are family. Tell them you picked the date first and have deposits on all major vendors and venues already and cannot get those deposits back. Tell them you would really be honored if they could attend and see if they can move their wedding date.
2006-12-01 03:19:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the other bride and explain that you have both picked the same date... Offer a fair method of choosing which of you will change your date such as having a neutral party (grandmother or such) pick a number between 1-10 or decide who is farther along on planning or such....
If the two of you are old enough to be getting married you are old enough to come to an amicable agreeement on whose date will be moved...
You had best get moving though as planning a wedding takes alot of time and if you need to plan for a different date you need to get it straight now...
2006-11-30 16:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If they haven't booked anything for their wedding yet I would kindly mention to the right members of the family, maybe even your cousin directly, that it would be greatly appreciated if they didn't have their wedding on the same day as yours.
If they have already booked the location then just go ahead with your wedding plans and make it spectacular and don't worry about it. Don't let someone's diva-ish behaviour dampen your spirits and ruin your wedding day!
Best of luck!
2006-12-01 07:32:04 · answer #7 · answered by christine_gray6632 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it is only YOUR date if you informed everyone about it. If you kept it to yourself and no one knew that was your date, then you can't fault her for picking the same one. If she advertised it first, then it is her date.
Second, you could try calling your cousin and explaining that you are also getting married on that date and have already started planning and have things booked. Tell him that you both want families to attend; to make things easier for your families, could he please rethink his date.
Third, you CAN change your date. You will not lose your deposit if you move the date; you will lose it if you cancel their services all together.
2006-12-01 03:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue planning your wedding and let your family decide what wedding they would like to attend.
Personally if I was related to you, I would probably pick your wedding because 1.) it is more traditional and they had more than enough time. and 2.) you are family by blood not an in-law like she will be......just my thoughts......but do let people know ahead of time so that they can save money, buy plane tickets if needed, and plan their days off.
When is your date?
2006-11-30 20:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by Veronica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go ahead and have your wedding and don't worry about your cousin's plans. Contact your family if you already haven't and let them know you were in it first and all your preparation shouldn't go to waste. Send the cousin an invitation, too - he'll see the big picture!
2006-11-30 16:49:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋