Have you ever heard of being invited to a wedding and told you can bring a date if you're in a relationship.

Question

I don't know if this is a modern trend or just poor taste. I thought invitations usually said you could bring a guest ( of your choice). not a date.The groom's mother said that you could bring someone if you were in a longterm relationship but not just a friend.Let me just clarify that the groom's mother said that it was to keep costs down but how does it cost less to have a male and female come versus two females who are just friends (and currently not dating anyone).

I think in this case I think the groom's family is homophobic and afraid someone will think the two girls are lesbians and not just friends.To them it is all based on appearances wihch I feel is wrong.

Let me add that only 2 people were told they couldn't bring anyone if they weren't in a relationship.This is a first cousin, not a stranger, who we are talking about.Prior to invitations going out the cousin was TOLD by her aunt she could bring a friend. By the way the uncle is homophobic.

Answer 1

That's a new one. What difference does it make? I agree with you.

Answer 2

This has nothing to do with being homophobic...it really is a way to keep costs down. If you are with someone, anyone, and have been for a long time then it is a significant relationship and neglecting the other person would be rude. Those are the couples who can come together.

However, there are a lot of single people who choose to bring a friend with them to weddings, so that they aren't "alone" for everything...those are the ones that the family is trying to avoid.

When you think that a decent reception is going to cost $50+ a person, 10 single people bringing a random friend is going to cost an extra $500 or more. That $500 could easily go to tips for the vendors, etc. It gets pricey!!

Answer 3

As far as I am concerned, if they are going to show off with a fancy wedding then they should be prepared to foot the bill for all the guests and a companion....if a single guy or a single girl want to bring a friend so they don't have to worry about having someone to talk to then this should be budgeted into the overall cost. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? To expect someone to sit alone and eat alone just because they happen to be single at that time is just cruel! The amount of money people throw away on weddings is ridiculous anyway so they deserve what ever added expenses come their way. Years ago, people had weddings and receptions in their homes and the backyard and didn't spend the amount of money on a fancy reception that some people spend to buy a house.

Answer 4

I think if it is a straight across no one brings dates that's ok. I am having a small wedding and we did this so that family could be there because honestly I would rather have my small cousins at my wedding instead of my someones last minute wrangled up date. We were willing to make special arrangements for long term relationships (We wouldn't have cared what the sexes of the people in the relationship were) We did not have room for everyone to invite anyone and a bigger hall was not available. No one over 18 could bring a guest and no unexpected friends for the young ones either (yes people will bring other kids for there kids to play with)So for us it was more of a close family and friends occasion. If you think about it do you really think its fair to the couple to be expected to host complete stranger. Also when everyone invites people you are more likely to have things go missing . Not that your friend would but, not everyone has good taste and knowing the people at your wedding prevents crashers.

Answer 5

more and more people are doing that to cut down on the cost. if they just limit the guest to people who are in relationships then the theory is that people who are not in a relationship won't bring a friend. so if they invited 100 people and told everyone that and only 1/2 of the people were in a long term relationship then there would only be 150 total guests instead of 200 the other way. since may people think there is an increase in the number of people wanting to go to weddings of people they don't know just for the free alcohol etc. hosts are starting to do this. i personally don't agree with this but some people are doing it. if it really offends you don't go, if enough people do that then maybe your host will get the message.

Answer 6

That is a very odd request, especially coming from the groom's mother. But if the groom's parents are paying for the wedding they do have a say in how the wedding goes. If the groom is a really good friend than I suggest to just comply with the mother. But if the groom is just any old friend that I wouldn't bother going and just send a gift. I think it is just poor taste though. Good luck on deciding!

Answer 7

Actually, this is the etiquette as far as inviting someone with a date (from Miss Manners and Peggy Post):

You specifically invite someone with a named (specific date) if:
1) They're married
2) They're engaged
3) They're living together
4) Any form of life-partner.. commited homosexual partner etc.
5) Obviously if you are friends with both members of the couple

You invited someone and include "and guest" or "and date" if:
1) They won't know anyone else at the wedding
2) if budget is not a question


If you are trying to keep down the guest list, inviting dates is not required for casually dating couples or people who will know others at the event.

Hope this helps !

Answer 8

I think assuming the family is homophobic is reading into the situation way too much. It is tacky that they are inviting guest in such a manner, but there's not much you can do. As far as etiquette goes any unmarried guest (not family) should be invited as Ms. Jane Doe & Guest. If they want to cut costs then they should not put & Guest. But they shouldn't make exceptions for long term relationships then. You should be fair to all guests.

But as I said, it's their wedding and there's not much you can do. :(

Answer 9

It's not an uncommon thing. It just sound like this person didn't word it properly or tell you with any kind of tack.
Most likely they are trying to prevent younger folks to not bring their boyfriend/girlfriend from like three months and etc scenerios. I mean most likely you can bring whoever you want. How are they to know your not dating that person seriously?
So all they are doing is trying to cut down the quest list. I mean why would they want to feed someone they hardly know?

Answer 10

That's weird. Usually, it's so and so and guest or so and so and so and so's partners name. If she doesn't want you bringing a guest, she could just invite so and so with no meantion of a guest. I'm guessing you don't know this couple who is getting married very well. I'd bring a guest anyways just to p*ss 'em off and pretend you're in a long term relationship. It would be fun.

Answer 11

A guest is a guest. Or, if the bride knows a couple who are in a relationship, then they should each be invited by name (could be on the same invitation).