My husband is lazy! Help!?

Question

Yes he works 40+ a week, but so do I...plus I do everything in the house..all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. I'm so sick of bitching about it, and even more sick about all the half *** projects that he starts and never finishes! We have talked about it, and I hear the samething over and over.."tomorrow I will work on that!" I think that I'm going to scream! I have even tried to motavate him with rewards (I know it soulds like I'm treating him like a kid)...what can I do?? Is this just part of being married?

I don't think that my husband is a dog...it just got put in the wrong section.

Answer 1

well it is part of my marriage. society has it implanted in many peoples heads that men are the bread winners and women are the homemakers...even though our societal rolls have changed. and most houses are multi- income..the woman still tends to take that home maker role and play it to the fullest. in my home we both have the same job but i make more money. we work the same hours and he still does nothing at home. nothing at all. i have tried talking and screaming and everything just as you have....but nothing has broken through. i have just come to terms with this as one thing i can not change. but in order to live in the kind of home i want...(being clean and attractive) i must take the initiative to do it myself. or it will look like bums live here. i hope you can find something that works to change your man. but it you can't , just know that you are not alone. that Becky in Arkansas is right there with you sister.

Answer 2

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RE:
My husband is lazy! Help!?
Yes he works 40+ a week, but so do I...plus I do everything in the house..all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. I'm so sick of bitching about it, and even more sick about all the half *** projects that he starts and never finishes! We have talked about it, and I hear the...

Answer 3

I also learned the hard way...stop doing it all for him. Tell him HE is responsible for doing some of the household chores. Give him a list of things that are HIS to do and dont you do them. Tell him each day he is to do something on that list. If HE makes a mess, HE is responsible to clean it up. So, no matter how much it bugs you or bothers you, DONT DO IT. Leave it sit there for him to do even if it has to sit there for days or weeks. I have done that myself and yes it bugs me to no end and I know I could have done it days ago but it's HIS RESPONSIBILITY. He's an adult and he lives in that house too. He makes the messes, he wears clothes that get dirty, he eats the food you buy, and he uses the dishes in the house to eat the food. So, I know this may sound a bit harsh but give it a try, stop washing his clothes and only his clothes for awhile. Eventually he will run out of clean clothes to wear that he'll end up having to do laundry. Just stop washing the dishes for awhile. Yep you guessed it, eventually there will be no more clean dishes and he will be the one to wash them. Take time for yourself each day and hopefully he will understand that HE has to take part in helping you out.

Answer 4

I've found if I bribe my husband with sex or something he'll do anything for me. Make sure you follow through with whatever you promise him though, they wise up fast. Men are built differently than us, they see a mess and it doesn't phase them, whereas women see a mess and it bothers them until it is cleaned up. It's not that men don't care, they just don't see it as something that "has" to be done. I was pregnant, working two jobs, and going to nursing school while my idiot husband (boyfriend at the time) was unemployed sitting on his *** at home not doing a damn thing. Finally I laid down the law and told him if he doesn't change I was leaving him and he'd never see his baby again. It worked, and now I can actually get him to help out when before he wouldn't think of it.

Answer 5

I had the same problem as you do my husband works 40 + hours a week and so do i and still had to come and take care of the kids and we talked about it and talked about it and then finally i just told him untill you start helping me out around here then im doing anything either except take of the kids cause obivisiuly they needed taken care of but for doing anything for him Nope i stopped that then he finally asked if we wanted to do a chore list and then we finally are doing a chore list together by taking care of the kids together and everything so i guess what i can tell you is go on strike like i did and he will finally get the hint,,, I hope this works and good luck

Answer 6

Yes, my dad does the same thing to my mom.lol. They have been married for 27 years and my dad comes home and sits on his butt while my mom cooks in the kitchen. Never lifts a finger to help ever. However when he does the dishes one load or washes clothes one load, it is like he should get an Oscar or something. Accolades. Bull crap. We also in the backyard have a fence that has been sitting there for 5 years and it not even half finished!! As well as many other things. My suggestion to you is to get away on vacation for a week or a weekend if you can afford to with your girlfriends. Leave him to fend for himself and he will appreciate you more!! He won't take you for granted anymore, hopefully. Good luck!

Answer 7

Christ this isn't the 50's- sounds like he's copying his father maybe? Way back when, people could afford to live comfortably on a single income-not today. I'd stop doing everything. You work just as hard as he does. How about if he doesn't help out, then he can fork over money for a housekeeper/cook or whatever! You don't deserve to do it all. Marriage is about compromise and he's not living up to his end of the deal it sounds like.

Answer 8

I just read a great book about understanding my husband. It is by Dr. Laura and it is called, "The Care and Feeding of Husbands." I tested out a few of the suggestions and I can see the difference in chores getting done and helping out with the kids. Give it a read and I know you will see the light too. Enjoy!

Answer 9

You could try not doing some things, cleaning for instance. See if he notices. Don't do his laundry. I do my own laundry, do at least half the grocery shopping, and probably clean and tidy up as much as my wife. I also work a part time job besides my full-time job. In the line of full disclosure, I am not handy and rarely do repairs around the house. If something needs to be done, we hire someone. We also have a gardener to cut the grass. What do your friends and relatives do?

Answer 10

Well obviously you've tried talking, but your description of these discussions include the term "bitching" which leads me to believe that he's just tuning you out. Frankly, I would too. On the other hand, there seem to be underlying issues -- not the least of which is that you consider your husband a dog. Therefore, I strongly suggest marital counseling -- even if he doesn't go, you should. And if you don't want to do that, well, it's divorce court, isn't it? I would seriously suggest personal counseling for you as well -- living with that must frustration is not healthy, mentally or physically.

Answer 11

No, this is not part of being married. Before you were married, you should have worked out a schedule of chores and who was going to do what chore. Now it will be much harder to do because he is used to you doing everything. I would suggest that you tell him that if he doesn't help, you will have to start working part-time. If he wants you to continue working full-time for the money, then you have to give him certain chores to do and be sure that you do not do them no matter what, even if it means that he has no shirts or socks to wear. Sit down and ask him what chores he would be willing to do -- the shopping or the cooking? The cleaning or the laundry? Then stick to it. If he doesn't do it, then it doesn't get done. As for his starting projects and not finishing them, that is a psychological problem that some people have. Counseling might be a good idea for both of you.