she lives between mine and his house,he doesnt work, lazy only young, she thought she was pregnant,(luckily not), she doesnt like her step dad, but he is ok giving her things, i have four kids, and she is the eldest, her boyfriend made her lose her job, i have all the pressures of the house,bills etc.No time out, or escaping.My mother spoils her,she is so easy to judge people.now she has just told me as soon as she can she is moving backin with him,what can i do,someone help?
2006-11-23 23:30:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Offer her your concerns in an adult way, if you talk to her like an adult then she won't be tempted to do anything just to annoy you. Don't make any decisions for her though or force her into them eg: "If you don't split up with him...." as she has to make her own mistakes and who knows, he may be making her happy. If you ask her openly about how she feels eg "Did you have a good time? Why are you upset?" Etc then she will know she can confide in you and you are on her side even if you don't agree wth her. When she does realise he is lazy etc and not for her she won't hold anything against you and will respect you for respecting her.
There's nothing better than knowin your Mum is there for you and on your side. I wish mine was.
Good luck with things
2006-11-23 23:33:46 · answer #1 · answered by Christian S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely nothing she has a mind of her own and seems she's already made it up all u can do is pray and sit by the side lines hoping she grows out of the selfish lifestyle she has chosen. U seems do have done the best u can with her and our children don't often make the choice's we prefer for them but as LOVING parents we r suppose to be there for them not matter what their life choices leads them to and that includes the partners they choose. U will definitely lose any attempts to get between her BF and her.
Ur business is to assure that he doesn't hurt her. As a parent I would speak to him. Invite him for dinner. Try to show ur daughter how much u love her and support her no matter how much she messes up her life. Take time out to give him a chance she definitely sees something in him u don't. During dinner take time to talk to him individually. Tell him exactly what u expected ur little girl to have for a MAN, a good husband, a good provider, and a wonderful father for their kids.
It will also help to let him know that there is no jail on Earth that would hold u if anyone dared to hurt ur children and mean it with all the maternal instinct of ur heart. Make sure he gets the message that if she is ever physically hurt there is no where he can hide from ur wrath and make sure he knows this.
This should solve ur problem either he straightens up or ships out cuz he knows that u'll be a strong force in their lives to come no matter what he tries to pull. We can't protect them forever but we don't have to stop being their loving parent.
I'd go to jail physically if any man ever hurt one of my daughters. By the way where is her biological father why isn't he doing his manly and fatherly job? Why isn't ur husband saying anything doesn't he have a say so as a loving step-father should? If he is good enough for gifts he is certainly good enough for advice. Ask him to talk to ur daughter as a loving step-dad, he might have that certain magic it takes to win her confidence without actually acting as her blood parent. It can't hurt and either way U win.
2006-11-24 00:12:31 · answer #2 · answered by papabeartex 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's an adult, there really isn't much you CAN do, except be there for her when this loser dumps her. However, if she's underage, you could go to the police (depending on the age of consent where you live) and have the boyfriend charged with statutory rape. This will not bring you closer to your daughter, but it will get her away from him temporarily. Remember: The fastest way to drive your daughter into this guy's arms is to oppose him at every turn. Good luck! You're doing the best you can!
2006-11-23 23:34:33 · answer #3 · answered by Rebecca 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello i have been on the other side of this situation. My parents divorced when i was 9. I was constantly wanting my dads attention so i would treat my dads fiancé poorly as a result. It caused similar problems. Then one day, i grew up and realized that my dad was happy with someone who was not my mom and i was going to have to accept it. It took a lot of time as it does to mend a broken heart. Do not ignore her. I do not know you or her personally but i do know that the feeling of being ignored is terrible for anyone. If this is causing problems between her and her dad then they will eventually work them out. I think he should try and talk to her about it because it think there may be something deeper going on here. Keep doing those girly things with her but don't try and win her over by buying her things as my step mom did to me, because it makes the time and relationship feel very fake. Try and hang out with her. Have sleep overs if your relationship is close enough and just hang out and talk with her and give her that motherly figure she can look up to without parenting her if that makes since. I have mother figures in my life that aren't my actual mothers. i can go to them for advice, and talk to them about anything. Try and be that for her. I truly think this is just a phase and i think she will grow out of it, even though it may take some time.
2016-05-22 22:00:56 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughter is a Graphic Desinger and is studying for a degree in animation illustration and works very hard but her boyfriend is a jobless,lazy,drinking idiot and no matter what i say it does not matter so i dont say anymore all i can do is wait for the outcome then be there for her and then and only then can i deal with him in the way i would like too and i think you will have to do the same i know its hard but its the only way good luck
2006-11-23 23:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by oG33MANo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let on you love him and he is great say if you were 20 years younger you would love him to give you 1.
your daughter will be appalled that her mother thinks her boyfriend is so great and that you have the hots for him she is bound to leave him.
if that fails get him drunk put him in a compromising situation with a male or female Friend from out of town and show your daughter the picture.
2006-11-23 23:36:17 · answer #6 · answered by armaghmadman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let go. Advise her by all means, she may even be doing this to get a re-action from you (which is working ) . She has the right to choose her own life but dont make a position for yourself where she cannot turn to you.
2006-11-23 23:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by Daddybear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't.
Let her go, you have three other kids to look after. She has to learn things herself, you won't talk her out of getting together with him, you know how young girls are.
As long as there is no physical or mental abuse going on then she's just growing up, the same as everyone does.
2006-11-23 23:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by PvteFrazer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do, but let your daughter know that you love her. It will only create problems, between the two of you, if you try to talk her out of it. She's an adult, and needs to make her own mistakes. I know it's hard, but you must allow her to learn life's lessons by herself!
2006-11-24 00:27:14 · answer #9 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let her go, let her make her own mistakes and make it clear to her that there'll always be a place for her at home when things go wrong. She'll do what she wants, but this way you two won't be on bad terms with each other.
2006-11-23 23:34:01 · answer #10 · answered by Ally 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋