Serious "parents" issue concerning ... just about everything!?

Question

I'm turning 19 tomorrow (the 13th). I have a 3.8 GPA in college and I even work full-time. The apartment we're living in is under my name and I let her have more than half of my paycheck for utilities, rent, and whatever else needs to be paid, I only take out money to pay for school. The thing is, my mother is extremely controlling. She doesn't want friends calling my cell, or my even hanging out with them. Those are friends that she doesn't even know personally. Sometimes she makes suggestions and expects me to accept them or she'll get super pissed and then start yelling and/or never ends the lecture.

please read "details" below ....

The other day, we were discussing careers and she said if I didn't take this and that career, she'd be super disappointed in me.

I have a boyfriend now, and if she finds out she'd start another 3-day argument until I leave him. She hasn't met him yet because she never gave him the chance to stop by our place. Now there's another issue... I found out I'm pregnant, I know she's gonna go crazy for sure. My BF and I both wanted a child since we met and are both responsible enough to support and raise a child on our own. How can I tell her I'm pregnant before I start showing!?

Answer 1

Look into some books on codependency. This will help you to take control of your life and understand what is happening to you. At your age, your mom needs to understand that you need to become your *own* person. She needs to learn to support you, not control you. You may not be able to change her, but you can change yourself by setting boundaries and deciding that you make your own decisions. Your mom has no right to berate your activities and actions.

I was in a similar situation in life and what I regret is not taking control sooner. Parents, especially controlling parents, have a tendency to not know when they are overdoing it. If you want friends calling your cell phone, that is perfectly normal. Just remember, you don't have to take any crap. If your mom wants to get upset, you don't have to tolerate it. One last thing, don't react to your mom's panic and anger. Even if it is tearing you up inside, if she sees that her tantrums are no longer affecting you, then she may try new tactics. Don't give her the upper hand in the argument by reacting fearfully or compromising.

Answer 2

Unfortunately when you live in someones house parent or not you have to follow their rules. It sounds to me (as far as school and dating) that you have given your Mom to much control. It's not her future and the classes you take and the career you decide on is not hers to make. You'll be the one working the job everyday. And at 19 you should be able to make decisions for yourself, except where her home is concerned, her house her rules. But everything else should be yours to decide. You will reap the rewards and suffer the consequences not her. Your best bet would be to get your own place, that way she can't say anything about who you see, what you do or anything else.
As far as your pregnancy, I'd put off telling her as long as you can. She'll probably cause you stress that you nor your unborn child needs. Because whether you know it or not your baby feels every emotion that you feel. (watch the show "In the womb" on the National Geographic channel, it's on every few weeks) When you do decide to tell your Mom about the pregnancy just set her down and tell her you love her, respect her opinions and appreciate everything she has ever done for you but you are pregnant and like it or not you intend to have and keep this baby. She might show you a little more respect if she sees that you have a "backbone" and aren't going to let anyone else run your life.

Answer 3

Honey this is YOUR Home she is lucky ur letting her live there your an adlut and can do what You want you need to lay down the law tell her your an adlut she may be your mother but she can't run your life and she needs to stop telling you what to do in your own home and if I was you if she keeps it up I'd give her so so many days to find a job and an apartment and get out ( unlis she you know can't work or something )

Answer 4

tell her it's your life. simple.
and tell her that the best gift anyone has ever given you is a child of your own...be overly excited, don't allow her one word in (ignore your mother if she starts with the negative stuff) keep talking like you dont hear her, be PROUD.
if she can't accept the baby, then she never has really accepted you-you are still the same person now than prior to pregnancy right? (she hasn't accepted anything else thus far, sounds like your mom needs to grow up.) Tell her your a grown up now and you deserve to be treated with respect. Tell her that just because she must of really screwed up herself growing up, doesn't make you a screwup.
then hang up and don't answer your cell.
she will get the point.

Answer 5

wow...this is complicated with the fact that you are pregnant...seems like your mom is going to flip! So let me get it straight, your mom is your roommate? that was your first mistake. (sorry) how are you going to get out of a lease with her? Does she need your income to get by? she will have to deal with you being pregnant, that is nothing that will change since you and your boyfriend are so happy about it, you have the option to tell your mom that she can either be a) happy about the baby because its not going anywhere and if she wants to be the baby's grandma and in your baby's life she will not give you any negative feedback about the difficulties that lie ahead you. You should also suggest that she will need to be supportive. b) if she is totally negative and flies off the hook then she wont be in your baby's life.
you ought to give her the ultimatum before you give her a chance to speak. pregnancy is hard enough, you need to take it easy by the way...this is the last time you will have the opportunity to take a break before your baby is born and then turns 18 (lol) and by the way, you dont need to have her yelling and putting you in a stressful environment...thats not good for your baby or you. (your baby feeds off of your environment too)

Answer 6

hiya from what you've said , sounds like ya mum is just scared of her little girl growing up and flying away from the nest, and wants what she thinks is the best for you, be gentle with her, saying it's your life your prime time now, and if she still thinks your making a mistake kindly tell her well mum these are the mistakes i have to make myself so that i can learn from them, invite your friends and your bf over anyways, let her get to know them, i bet she likes them, give it time and be patient, and if it turns out she's just a totoal control freak just be respectful but also do your own thing, she will learn to adjust.Always let her know you love her, show her the way.. if things turn sour , im sure a little baby will helop you guys mend things , then you might understand some of what she is feeling lol goodluck!

Answer 7

You are an adult tell your mother the facts of your life, as well as how you feel about her control issues, explain that if she can not see and respect your needs that she is free to leave at any time. The apron strings need to be cut, it would be wonderful if you mom supported you , but I would not count on it,In time she may understand that you are a real good person, and you are

Answer 8

well hon you do have a problem, but your mom can either deal with it or she can move. you need to concentrate on you and your bf. can you support this child?
maybe he's the one you need to live with you?
this is your life, not hers. it sounds like she may be trying to live again through you.
providing that she can and is able to work and support herself, she need to begin doing so.
is there another sibling she can go live with?
you need to move on with your life,or she will control it forever. do you want her yelling or controlling your child?
telling you how to raise it? or that you're doing it wrong? it also sounds like she's trying to make you live the life she didn't. your career is your choice not hers.
parents and siblings will always give their opinion and expect you to follow it. they just do, you can let it go in one ear and out again, or you can fret about it.
all the yelling and constant stress can possibly make you miscarry as well. you now have another life to think of and you need to take charge of your own life before you can care for your child.
maybe find her another apt?
what about dad?

Answer 9

to be totally honest...you need to move out. it's not right for her to control you like that. you are in school and paying the bills. find an inexpensive place near where you attend school and live there. that kind of controling environment is not positive for anyone. you just need to tell your mom how you feel. there's only so much you can do or say to her. just get out of there. you do not want to raise a little one around such a controling person.

Answer 10

Just tell her, your an adult, I'd also ask her to find her own place and give her 60 days to do so, or she can put the apt in her name and you will move. You will get along a lot better, you both need your own space.