Guy and girl hit it off huge. Things go great for a few months. Romance wear off, feelings fill in. As feelings grow, girl becomes distant. After some time, they talk, girl says she has always been like this but doesn't say why. Upon asking further, girl locks up. She is visibly shaken. Something very bad in her past. Things continue, hot and cold for a couple more months, but girl gets close, girl backs away. Guy pushes the issue, asks more Q's, gets no real answer. After much speculation, guy has a theory (and a scary one) about what happened to girl, why she is so scared to get close. Can he ask her, suggest he knows why to see if that will ease/erase the tension? It would be pretty serious, but certainly nothing she did. Just a TERRIBLE situation/experience.
2006-11-23 17:09:13 · 9 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Apparently, you think she's been raped. So I would say, instead of broaching that word, ask her who's hurt her in her past. Let her know that you're aware that she's afraid to get close, that you understand, but need to know if there's something you can do to get past her walls. Let her know that you want to love her, that you care for her, that you won't judge her but that you feel whatever it is, it's coming between you both now and stopping your progress.
Maybe that will help. The other thing is, there may be things you say or do that trigger the incident for her, if there is one. Be cognizant of that, but don't ask. At times when she's close, she could be fighting with the memories and trying to overcome them. She's still processing. Give her time and when needed, space.
2006-11-23 17:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by Infamous B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Ask her but only when she is in the close stage. It could bring you closer and it might help her lose the tension and be able to get closer to you. I wish you would have been more clear about what you think it is. I'm guessing rape or molestation. Only ask her if you are positive that you will NEVER use it against her. That would be horrible. I don't think you would. You seem very loving. It's just a friendly reminder to avoid hurting her with it when you become angry with her. Good luck and God bless!
2006-11-23 17:16:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that, she keeps getting close because she wants to trust the guy, but probably doesn't want to be hurt again. So she's debating her own self. I think the "guy" should SHOW her that she can trust him, he should be there for her. Don't push Q's at her, she'll run faster, when she wants to open up, she will. Until then, the "guy" should start showing trust worthy actions, and stop continuing to need answers. If he liked her enough, he would let her come to him.
It will happen eventually. Trust comes in time
2006-11-23 17:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can ask but you know she might not tell you. Some things are better left in the past. Talking everything out doesnt always help as was previously believed.
2006-11-23 17:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"fairly some Professors and experts were no longer waiting to respond to my questions" what number did he ask? a million. No 2. the will or concept or determining reason by which issues often are believed to finally end up as they are or activities to take position as they do : destiny 3. See #a million
2016-11-29 10:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK I think I follow what your are saying...All the guy can do is ask str8 out..If she is really feeling him she will be honest and tell him exactly what is going on with her or she may hold bck for fear that he may not want to deal with her bc she is so bruised..But he definitely shld ask and he may or may not be right but worth a shot....
2006-11-23 17:13:47 · answer #6 · answered by Teapot23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to let her know that you care about her and are there to protect her and then ask if this is true and if yes be as supportive as possible and possibly get her some help.
2006-11-23 17:12:43 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok please the first thing you have to remember is to be careful, and gentle. always let her know that you will be there and intime she will open up to you, as long as you show her you are there for her!!! don't push her, just let her trust you on her own. ican't tell you how important it is just to listen, listen, listen listen to her, be there for her, show her you care enough to see her through this. don't just provide another bad experience for her ok? not sayin you will, but jsut be careful. you can do it, best of luck!!!
2006-11-23 17:19:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bring it up....just let her know that you're there for her. The best you can do is be her shoulder to lean on.
2006-11-23 17:12:52 · answer #9 · answered by Kbailey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋