My mother hates me…?

Question

Well ok so I know most of u are gonna say im “over-reacting” but im not she said it with her own mouth. she said tht she hates me. I mean I kno im not perfect. im messy I procrastinate so on but.. still ya kno it hurts. im only 13 but still. the thing is. when im with my mom I can never see my good points because it seems to me shes always pointing out my bad ones. im startin to feel really down. how do I get myself to not care wut my mom thinks, WELL not “not care” exactly but to not care when she points out all my bad points and stuff. cuz its hard. please help me out. all advice appreciated.

Answer 1

You sound like my 13 and 20 year olds.

Moms are a wierd bunch, eh? I mean, we are always after you to clean up your room, wear longer skirts, less make up, talk less on the phone, do more around the house, yadda yadda yadda.

But as a mom, no one ever thanks me for making their lunch, cleaning out his rat cage, washing the underwear that you got your period in, driving you to whatever while I wonder if grandma's tumour is shrinking, and worrying if you'll be smart enough to not take a ride from that hot guy who's been drinking at the party that you snuck out to (and told me you were sleeping over at Jen's).

Each of us has our issues, mainly with each of us adapting to our respective roles.

Your mom loves you VERY much - don't you ever forget it. She is probably feeling like Sh** right now and each of you is as stubborn as the other.

Go to her, and tell her thank you for dinner tonight, smile, look at her for at least three seconds and then ... well see what happens!

Hugs,
"the worst mother in the world", but making progress!

Answer 2

Is there a possibility that your mother said that while she was under stress, not necessarily just from whatever you had just been doing or not doing? Anyway, you seem to be aware of the things that she picks on you about. Is it possible that you could make an effort to improve on some of them, maybe even just the messy thing like keeping not only your room clean but also doing your own dishes or putting them into the dish washer, doing your own laundry and cleaning up the mess laundry makes.

Once she sees you improving, maybe the two of you can have a talk about how you get along, probably in some neutral place that is also quiet so you will both feel less inclined to yell. I'm sure she sees your good points but the bad ones are the ones that jerk her chain.

The sad part is that in about 25 years you will be the mother picking on the 13 year old. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Sometimes moms aren't perfect. Sometimes we say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment. I'm sorry you are feeling so down, and feel like she doesn't care. I'm not in your shoes, so I can't say for sure if she does or not, but my guess is she does care. She may have a hard time showing you this. I would suggest asking her to talk (when you aren't fighting), and letting her know how you feel. I know this is a very adult thing to do, but you are becoming the age where this may be a good thing for you, and your relationship with your mom is changing, as you are growing into a young woman, and not a kid anymore. Talk to her, and let her know how you feel, and why. Try to be calm, and not argumentative, and you may find that you can get along better with her. I hope this works out for you, you sound like a nice girl. Good luck to you...

Answer 4

Parents are only human & make mistakes too.I dont think she should treat you that way but I think that she points out the things she doesnt like as a way to teach you,,like dont do this because,,whatever.Try not to take it to heart.You are better than that.Dont let it mess with your head,,tune it out.You sound like a nice kid to me.Time changes things too,,someday,,you'll be on your own doing your own thing.Maybe some of the stuff will come back to you and make some sense later in life.Try to talk to her in a different manner & see if you cant get her to understand how you feel.Ask her if she cant see your good qualities,,you have them Im sure.Remember that parents are just people & kids dont come with an instruction manual,,lol.Do your own thing & it'll pass.Good Luck,,dont be down,,think possitive.Being negative creates negativity.Maybe she feels worse than you do about something else that is bothering her.Be sweet & maybe you can teach her to do the same.Life will show us many challenges but that is how we learn & grow.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there an adult that you trust that you can talk to about this? You deserve help in dealing with this. You might want to talk to a guidance counselor at your school if you can't think of someone.

I'm sure you have tons of good points! Sometimes people who feel badly about themselves take it out on other people. It's wrong but it does happen. Make a list of your good points in a secure place and look at it when you feel down. Your mother should NOT be saying these things to you and I can hear how hurt you are about it. I know it's hard but you can have good self estem even if your mom is being tough you. It's harder, but it is possible. When you're not at home try to surround yourself with people who see the wonderful person that you are. Sometimes people start believing what someone says about them and they hang out with people who treat them badly. It's understandable but that would hurt you even more. Try to treat yourself as you would a treasured friend. Sweetie, I hope everything works out for you. Talk to someone, please.

Answer 6

Ask her what would make her see you in a better light.Tell her that the anger towards you hurts and tell her what would work for you. I feel her frustration, but realize being ugly hurts the both of you. Both of you need to do one thing to brighten the other ones day. Every day. Your mom may be so stressed out that she uses you for her rantings. Help each other for a change. Can you do something nice for her without being asked? People tend to change with the good behaviours of others.Doses of laughter help also. Don't give up on each other.

Answer 7

You are growing up. Give yourself a break. I was messy too, and sometimes my mom said mean things too. But look on the bright side- most of us had made it through the teen years. Maybe she's getting you ready for the real world, and if you can't stand your mother's "heat" then how will you act toward your boss! You need to develop your inner strength. The better you can deal with all types of people--the better! The world is full of mean, nasty people too! Good Luck!

Answer 8

She may have said it, and she may hate your ways, but I doubt she hates you. It's possible but really most times people just say things out of anger and hurt. Sometimes they lash out in the wrong way. She may feel that she doesn't know what else to do and so said that. I am not saying it was right for her to. Maybe one day when things are going well with you and her you can sit down with her and talk about how you feel. Remember don't say when you do this or when you say this...because she then will become defensive...Say I feel this way, I don't know what else to do Mom...if that doesn't work maybe counseling will help?

Answer 9

ok lets face it no ones perfect and even those people in hollywood. ok so ur not over reactining in my opinion i think its wrong that your mom does that to you. my advice would be 1) point out the fact to your mom that she always is dragging you down. she might not be aware she does it. 2) try to ignore it it may not be easy, but breath deeply and think is this really going to matter a year from now? 3) i dont really think this is a good idea so this is a last resort... start doing it back to her. dont do it over the top. just say o i really dont like that outfit on you or something like that then maybe she'll get the idea... i get that its hard when you fight with your mom, or people drag you down, but i promise it'll get better and one day you will forget about all those little things and they wont matter anymore.

Answer 10

Firstly you need to remember that people say means things when they are angry. If she says this when she isnt angry then she needs to have a hard look at you. She doesnt deserve a child like you. I know out of respect for your mum you may not want to and I didnt either but one time when my mum was picking on me - telling me all my bad points, I told her right back what her bad points were and explained to her that we all have bad points. I told her we need to focus on the good in people and think before we speak. Now I am 20 and my relationship with my mum is so very close and I only had to say it once!!! Good Luck and remember, she does love you!!