Are men just inherently more selfish than women when it comes to raising a family?

Question

I sometimes wonder if men are just, frankly, for the most part, more selfish when it comes to raising children than women. Even fathers that are considered good dads usually don't bear the brunt of the burden of raising kids...and most don't make a conscious effort to do so. I feel like most men let their wives do 90 percent of the work with kids while they go off to work in the office. etc. and then come home think it's okay to spend like 30 minutes with their children. Men may often be the monetary providers, but emotionally they are often lazy and don't proactively try to be an equal partner in raising the kids. Is this because men are just generally more selfish than women and only give as much as they need to? Does anyone else notice this?

Answer 1

You've described my family to a T.

Answer 2

I think you are right. Men are programmed to procreate - and once that occurs they move on to another woman. Whereas men are into it to make the child - women are interested in the relationships - and thus, the rearing of the children. Like my husband - once I got cancer and our child has disabilities he divorced and took off to be with other women.

It is a sad situation - but a true one. Why is it that in most divorces the mother gets custody of the children? Probably because the fathers don't want the children - caring for kids will lead them to cut back on jobs and earning power declines - children get in the way of dating. You said it when you stated that it is because they are selfish. Most men are self centered, women are other centered.

Answer 3

I grew up in a large family where my dad had to help out with the kids as much as my mom. He would be up nights walking a sick baby, changing sheets, doing laundry, moping floors, cooking meals. But his mom taught him well and he was also in the military before my folks got hitched. I married a man who wasn't allowed to help in the kitchen (women's work) or taught to clean a toilet, mop a floor or do a load of laundry, but that was many years ago. We have two sons and he learned how to help take care of them, take them to the dr.... do laundry, grocery shop, and cook a fantastic meal, including baking bread and pies from scratch. It's a learning process for them and in a good partnership, the wife, will encourage the man to take more responsibility in a loving way without nagging. Allow him to find his nich, if he doesn't fold clothes the same way you do, it isn't a big deal, if he doesn't buy the same brands at the store as you do, so what. Who knows, he may find a better way to do something..

Good luck and keep the channels of communication open, share your concerns about parenting with him in a loving way and it will get better.

I know we have been parents for 23+ years.