Why is my 4 year old son so rude to me?

Question

Honestly...he is so rude. And I don't know how to stop this behaviour. He seriously makes me want to cry. Not cause my feelings are hurt but because I'm SO frustrated with him.

But sometimes he is the sweetest boy. It's like hot and cold. If he gets pissed....watch out!

Does anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this? Any books/literature?

I CANNOT be the only parent with a child like this.

Answer 1

You have to be consistient and let him know you're the mommy, and that makes you boss. Make sure there are repercussions to his bad behavior and stick to it! Good luck...

Answer 2

I have an almost 3 year old son who is the same way. He can go from the sweetest most caring and loving boy to a naughty rude monster that makes me feel like I can't even deal with him sometimes and that's where my husband comes into play. He never would act like that in front of my husband. He is so good for his father because he means business. Plus, when I was a child I was more scared of my dad than my mom cause she gave in so many times and my dad meant it when he said no. I know why my son acts that way, it is because he is seeking attention from me, even negative attention, that's why he acts out. He used to be worse when I worked and when I was in school. Now that I postponed school so that I could have a better relationship with him, he is much better, but it becomes worse when I go to work. He listens more when I am home for a few days. Kids need to be into something, like watercolor painting, coloring, board games (my son likes "don't spill the beans"), and doing the dishes with me. Have him help you pick-up the house and help you do the things that you would normally do without him. The other day, he "helped" clean the bath tub with me, I just didn't give him any cleaner in the spray bottle, buy a small spray bottle and fill it with water, my son loves it as long as he is involved. compliment him by telling him what a good job he is doing and say thank you for helping! It will boost his self-esteem as well, and also make him feel like he is being a good boy. Plus, a childs attention span is short so he can't help it alot of the time. my mom claims that ignoring the bad behavior and praising the good behavior will get him to stop acting out after time, but I disagree, but you could try it? Maybe if you try what I do it will help. :)

Answer 3

Try 1-2-3 Magic. You can order on AMAZON. Search it and then buy it. It's amazing.
But I must say, kids learn things by watching. I've noticed with my 4 year old. When I yell at him, he tries it out on the dog. If I spank him, he spanks the dog. He tests everything out to see whether he can get away with it. So like Dr. Phil says, You teach people how to treat you. And unfortunately, you've let your son treat you this way, so you need to change it before it's set in stone and he's 15. Remember, you are the parent, he is the child. Set the record straight now.

Answer 4

Mmm you can try the time out method but you can call it whatever you want. Like the "thinking pod" or the "naughty chair" (yeah I watched Nanny 911!). Whenever he is rude to you take him to that little corner, sit him in a chair (for ten minutes) and tell him that it's not right to treat you that way. To think about what he's done. If he gets up, the 10 minutes start over. Get him to sit without talking to him. You might have to try this a million times if necessary, but at the end he'll get tired and stay there. When the 10 minutes are up, talk to him and ask him to apologize. I practiced this with my nephew and it worked. Search on yahoo or google for the Nanny 911 show. I'm sure the book they give to all parents (plenty of helpful tips) is advertised there.

Answer 5

No your not the only one! Mine is the same a loving sweet boy one minute and a two headed monster the next.
I have a 31/2 year old.
I have tried Time out in his room but he Kicks the crap out of the door .
Tried naughty chair and that was an even bigger fight to get him to stay.
Tried taking toys and he thought it was a game.
Tried smacking but he has started to hit back and for his age he hurts.
Tried reasoning with him but may as well beat my head against the wall.
Tried a reward chart. no luck
At my wits end too
I am finding that a box full of inexpensive books and toys called the good boys box sometimes get results
so I sympathise with you fully!

Answer 6

I can't believe how many people have advocated corporal punishment. I believe corporal punishment role models violence to get your way.

Do you get the tv shows: Supernanny, or Nanny 911? If so, watch them. They deal very successfully with this all the time.

If a child misbehaves, they give him one warning: "Jason that is inappropriate behaviour. If I have to speak to you again, you will go into "Time Out".

If he misbehaves again, they physically come down to his level and tell him: "Jason, you had your warning. Now you are going into Time Out."

They will physically place him on a specific chair, or stair, or place that has been designated as the "Time Out" spot. And he must stay there for four minutes. (Four years old = four minutes. Of course the amount of time changes for the age of the child.

Probably the child will NOT stay in time out at the beginning. But you put him back each time he tries to get away from it. You do NOT talk to him after the first time you put him into the time out. Just keep putting him back.

Then once he does stay in that spot for the full four minutes, again, get down to his level physically, and say to him: "Jason, do you know why you were put into Time out?" And he will probably respond with the answer. If he doesn't respond, you tell him: "It was because you were rude to Mom. Are you sorry you were rude?"
The child will probably say "I'm sorry".

Then you kiss him and hug him & tell him you forgive him.

Each and every time he is rude, you must do the same thing. You MUST maintain the 'power'. He is only four. And must learn this lesson now. Or what will you do when he is fourteen.

Also, listen to your child. He may be having problems within your family that he needs to be able to be heard about.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I do have the same problem with my daughter. When she gets upset, she takes it out on me and her brother. I don't know what your son's actual problem is or if he has one, but my daughter has seviere anxiety disorders. She has had problems since birth. I won't give you the long version because it would take forever. I had always just dealt with what she dished out. We had tried time out, taking things from her and even popping her on her bottom. All of these things just made it worse. She isn't only this way when she doesn't get her way, she is like this even when she makes the simplest of mistakes or can't figure something out on her own. When she was in first grade, she had a little break down at school when I dropped her off one day. It was bad, my tiny little angel said she just wanted to die. For that we decided to seek medical help. After a few different opinions, the way one doctor put it to us was that she feels trapped. He told me to imagine being stuck in a small room with a bunch of something that was my worst fear and that is how she feels when she gets upset. It is hard to know that your baby has such aweful feelings and you are helpless. We tried everything with medication being the last resort. She is now eight years old and we are still trying to overcome her disorders. One of the main things that helps us, is when she gets rude with me or her brother, we tell her we know she is upset at something and we don't know how to fix it, but no matter what she is upset about, we can't help it and still love her. The worst part was knowing we had punished her at times when it was something she couldn't control. I don't know exactly why your son does this, I just thought I would share with you our problem so you don't feel alone in the world of moody children. I hope you can figure it out, because I know he is misurable and you are too. My best wishes and prayers are with you.

Answer 8

If he does something you dont like tell him and look at him in the eye "If you do that again i will put you in your room" You have to say it with a voice as if you mean it.The same way you would say to someone who you don't know that has just grabbed your bum.Don't shout...but let him know you are angry.
If he does it again you put him in his room and say to him "mum is putting you in here because i told you not to """"""""""" and you didn't listen so you will stay hear until i say to come out.This part is so hard.You hold his door for each year of his life take a min.So 4 mins.No matter how much he shouts and swears you do not answer him AT ALL!!After the 4 mins go in to the room and get him on eye level (if he will not listen tell him you will leave him until he is ready to look and listen to mum.....holding door for 1 min)when he is ready to listen get down to eye leveland tell him the reason you put him in there and tell him to say sorry.If he will not say sorry keep going in at 1 min breaks and ask him.When he says sorry you ask if he wants a kiss and cuddle (my wee girl says no) and then it is all forgotten.Don't bring it up again as he has been punnished go on as normal and praise him for saying sorry.Tell him thats a good boy.
This took a week to kick in for my 4 year old.When i held her room door she trashed the place and swore at me.If he trashes the room you have to wait in the room until he (and you at first )have tidied it.If there is another incedent and he is going in his room remind him that if he trashes he will stay there until it is tidied.
Always give a proper warning.Alway always follow through.Always tell him why he is going into his room.Always make sure it is 4 min no more or less.Always go down to eye level to explain why mum put thim there.Always have a strong low voice to let him know you mean buisness.
This is so hard but i don't believe in hitting.If your angry and hit they think that when they are angry they can hit.If you are outside and you have warned him take him somewhere and make him stand for 4 min.Do not have eye contact during the punnishment only before and when the punnishments over.If he runs put him right back.Hold his arm firmly if you have to.Good luck this works!!!!Lou

Answer 9

it's probably just a stage, he will eventually grow out of it. when he get rilled up tell him to stop and if that doesn't work try again, stay calm. the third time say i warned you and send him to his room, or some kind of FAIR punishment.if you send him to his room or someother time-out make sure he thinks about it and watch him so he doesn't escape. keep him in there for 4 minutes (one minute per age) and then ask him why he was so rude and to apologize. if he doesn't say sorry in a nice voice keep him there for 4 more minutes. when he is ready to say sorry in a nice way you can let him free. you may want to also bond with him more often so he respects you more. he will soon be over this stage and will have manners for you. good luck!!!!

Answer 10

When the terrible twos turned into the monstrous threes and impossible fours the docs told us it was called transitional behavior disorder. Our children are all wonderful young adults, this behavior manifests in my opinion as a clearly defined sense of self at eighteen months and just gets harder from there if these intelligent children aren't given what they need, help with how they can process their feelings better and reassurance that your love is unconditional. If you can get them to understand how to separate their identity from their behavior then they can get it when you tell them you don't like the things they are doing but you love them. Behavior role playing is great for that. There were books and sites then and there are now, our docs were great help too. A parent needs to understand what constitutes misbehavior on their part too?

Answer 11

No you're not the only parent. I have one like that too and I will tell you that spanking will do you absolutely no good. All it does is make them angrier and reinforces the bad behavior. It basically teaches them that it's ok to hit. There is a book called SOS for parents. It works really good. Many times children will also have these behaviors because they don't have very good coping skills. breathing exercises really worked for my daughter. You should definately try th book though.