Me and my boyfriend have been together for for almost 4 years. My family loves him and accepts him as part of our family. My boyfriends mom doesn't consider me part of her and leaves me out of things that my family includes my boyfriend in. I feel very connected to his family when my boyfriends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer i cut off all my hair to donate to locks of love. Anyway my point is should i be offended that she never includes me in things or get over it because i'm not technically part of the family?
2006-11-23 13:34:37 · 10 answers · asked by jrtootsiepop 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i did think that she considered me part of the family but the other night i was upset about something she had done and my boyfriend said well i know that it might upset you to hear this but its not like she considers you part of the family. :(
2006-11-23 13:47:40 · update #1
o by the way i just want to say the reason we haven't gotten married is just that we want to graduate from college first and hes in school for pharmacy so that takes a while.
2006-11-23 14:22:54 · update #2
Choose carefully the things that you choose to be upset about. You cannot change other people. The only person you have control over is yourself.
What I have discovered in 50 years of living is that if I want a person or situation to change, the first thing to evaluate is myself - my thoughts, my words, my actions, my choices and the outcomes of those choices.
You sound sweet, thoughtful, kind and loving. Continue being yourself. Your boyfriends mom may be hung up on technicalities such as girlfriend vs wife. And sometimes us parents have a hard time letting our children become adults with adult relationships. It could be she feels threatened in some way if she acknowledges you as a legitimate friend. Could be she is hanging on to the way her family used to be? I am only surmising at possibilities.
Surround yourself with the people who see the best in you and want you to succeed.
This woman is shortchanging herself. That is her choice.
Now you have a choice. Good luck.
2006-11-23 14:13:08 · answer #1 · answered by doxxylove 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's really hard after dating for 4 years to feel like she doesn't consider you a part of the family. How is the rest of his family? Do they consider you "one of them"? I would say that you need to talk to her about your feelings. Tell her you love your b/f and his family and just wanted her to know that you love her also. Maybe this will make her realize how shes been treating you....
Some moms just really want their boys married though so it could be a no win situation until you are actually married! Good Luck....mom-in-laws can be tough nuts to crack!
2006-11-23 13:44:20 · answer #2 · answered by MrsA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose he will marry you when he graduates. Right? Then you will be part of the family. Until then, his mom needs not include you in family things. You are just a girlfriend, not a fiance, and certainly not a wife.
I didn't date in Pharmacy school, because I lacked the time, money, and energy for a relationship. But I made time for the occasional 'booty-call'. So are you a 'relationship'....or a piece of ***.
I know, you're mad at me right now. That's OK. Just think it over.
2006-11-24 17:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by jloertscher 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you and your bf are in love, don't let any of your family come between you. Sometimes family members mean well, but often they are really judgemental without ever really getting to know the "in-law". Just don't let her comments bother you, she will have to come to the point of accepting you in her time, there is not much you can do. And if she doesn't, don't let that bother you, not everyone in this world will like you, but that is there problem not yours. Just be yourself, and be happy.
2006-11-23 14:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are living with her son (you are the girlfriend, not her daughter inlaw and you have no legal authority should anything happen to her son) --- some people go to lawyers and have all types of papers(like power of attorney) drawn up to give their live in partners authority to do things... and if you have kids and still aren't married make sure you have some kind of agreement(s) made up that protect you and the baby. Get life insuriance too (my dad died when I was 4 and mom didn't have any idea he didn't have life insuriance and this was a huge hardship on us for many years.)
2006-11-23 14:52:34 · answer #5 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
FOUR YEARS BEING WITH THE SAME MAN.THAT'S LONG.HEY GIRL, KEEP THIS IN MIND .AS LONG AS YOUR BOYFRIEND KNOW THAT HIS MOM DON'T CONSIDER YOU AS PART OF THE FAMILY THEN IT'S OKAY.THINGS WON'T GET BETTER EVEN YOU GET MARRIED TO YOUR MAN. JUST BE GOOD TO YOUR MAN AND HANDLE HIM GOOD AND HE WILL STICK TO YOU. I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 28 YEARS AND MY IN LAWS THAT'S INCLUDE ALL HIS BROTHER AND SISTERS DOESN'T LIKE ME FOR WHAT REASON I DON'T KNOW ,BUT ONE THING IS SURE THEY ARE ALL JEALOUS BECAUSE WE ARE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. WE SIT AND TALK AND SOMETIMES WE ARGUE BUT THAT'S PART OF IT BEING A FAMILY.SO DON'T BOTHER ANYMORE.
2006-11-23 14:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by jocelyn o 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it was the same way with my family. i wasn't included in my husband's family until our wedding. it pissed me off, but there was nothing i could do. you aren't technically a family member, until u marry him. keep being nice and sweet, and things will turn around.
2006-11-23 13:38:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just trying to force a union on you two by not accepting you fully.
2006-11-23 13:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by inquisitive 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marry him and then you will be.Or be the bigger of the two and go(on your own) talk with her and settle your differences.
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2016-10-04 07:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋