Worry or not?? Rape??

Question

My friend sleeps(not sex) with her b/f some nights. Should she be worried he's gonna feel her up while she sleeps?? Can She trust him?? I am worried. She was raped b4 and now, I will feel like it's my fault if it happens again. Will he abuse her trust??
Should I tell her I am worried??
Should I tell her not to. He's a great person everywhere he goes. Is it ok to worry??
Today is a bad day for her. Do you think he will understand or take advantage of the fact that she is distraught?? She loves him and he loves her, but he seems to like her more. Is that bad??
Would a b/f of 1.5 years rape his g/f?? I am a little worried about her judgment cuz she is very upset. 1 yr ago, 13 people she knew died. Do you think it will cloud her judgement??
I am having trouble typing 2day. Sorry for the errors

There was a bad car wreck after they left the hospital where her grandfather had just died. The others were killed by a gunman.

Answer 1

dont wory about it.
if you still do, then talk to her when it comes up.

Answer 2

I wonder about her judgement as well. I don't think that a girl should sleep with a guy unless she is ready for sex.
She also may be not telling you the whole truth about the sleeping arrangement either. I find it hard to believe that two young individuals who find each other attractive can sleep in the same bed, & nothing sexual happens. I know it's entirely possible, but not very likely. (Just me the skeptic).
Taking things at face value though, I would say that she has no reason to distrust him, unless & until he tries something to spoil that.

Now let's talk about you, the worrier.
The best thing you can do for your friend is to either keep your concerns to yourself, or let her know how you feel about the situation. If you share your fears with her, then all you can expect her to do is to take your thoughts into consideration, & make her own judgement call. Either way, if she does get raped again there is no way that it can be your fault.
You have absolutely no control over her, or the boyfriend.
Both of them are free thinking individuals who will have to live with the consequences of their choices just like the rest of us.
You will accomplish nothing by taking the blame on yourself for the bad choices of others.

So stop worrying, none of this is your problem, if it really is a problem in the 1st place.

Answer 3

Now.....let me see if I have this right. Your "friend" was raped. But she now has had a boyfriend for a year and a half who sleeps with her and has no sex. So now after a year and a half you feel you may need to warn her this guy may not be trusted.

Clearly I have something wrong. If your "friend" was raped there will never be a day that she will not think about that. The fact she has been with this guy for that long and still no sex tells you she has not yet began to trust.

I am puzzled as to why you feel you need to tell her anything about this. She is the expert on this.

Of course if you are this "friend" then I completely understand why you are concerned.

While there is no doubt her boyfriend would love to make love to her the chances of him changing now after one and a half years is remote. And you need to know this. Rape is not about sex. it is about control and domination. It sounds to me like this guy requires anything but that for a relationship with her. He sounds like he is far more patient than most guys would ever be.

Say nothing unless you see some clear signs there may be a problem. For you to bring this up would put doubt in her mind and may even end the one relationship she really needs and is very good for her.
Stay out of this for now.

Answer 4

You are a great friend to worry over your friend. If her bf has been this understanding for a 1 1/2 yrs then I think its safe to say that he realizes this is a bad day for her and will just be there for her. Why not give her a call and talk to her and see how she is. Maybe even the 3 of you get together for awhile to get her mind off this event that had happened in her life. Have you ever discussed your concerns w/the bf? Maybe talking to him will let him know how much you care for her and will let him understand alittle more and you will get answers that will ease your mind. You cant hold your girlfriends hand all through life. This is her experience and life and you just need to be there if she needs you. If you think something is up then in all means you need to speak up but to just worry is not enough to go jumping the gun here. That doesnt mean to keep your eyes closed...be observant and watchful but not over bearing. I really dont think he will take a disadvantage of her today. As far as it clouding her mind I dont think so...if anything else she would get pissed and outraged if he even thought of trying on a day like today unless she is ready for it. I hope all works out and your worries fade w/time.

Answer 5

For some reason, I am thinking that this girl is very emotionally damaged from all the trauma. I am not sure how old she is, but all of those things happening would be devastating.

After a person was raped, they become a "Victim" and they have a tendency to be raped again, since they leave themselves open in the eyes of the victimizers. I don't know about her boyfriend, but if you honestly care about her, send her to a therapist so that she can get past all of it.

Answer 6

This is your friend's issue, not yours.

However, I don't see any wisdom in her sleeping with him and even courting these problems when she's obviously not in an emotional place where she can deal with sex or the responsibilities of sex, much less rape, which is whole nuther ball of wax. Maybe something could "happen," maybe not. Yes, a boyfriend can rape a girlfriend. "Date rape" does happen.

I think your friend has a lot of healing to do before she should get involved or possibly involved in a sexual relationship that she is clearly not prepared or ready for.

Answer 7

she might be afraid to love him as much as he loves her because of the hurt she's had in the past...if he really loves he won't abuse her in any way...they have been together for 1.5 years and nothing bad has happened so he won't rape her if he truly cares....you are right to look out for your friend because she's been through some very hard times....so support her but it will definitely NOT be your fault if this guy does anything because you sound like a true friend

Answer 8

I dont think your friend should be sleeping with her boyfriend.
Even just to sleep, but not because he will take advantage of her.
More because it can lead to other things that she might regret.
One should not put themselves in a situation that they are not ready for.

If you are worried about your friend.......tell her you are worried.
Tell her you dont approve of what she is doing, but also tell her that she is your friend & you are there for her. Then leave it alone because you can not live her life for her. She has to make her own decisions.

I could go further, but I am unsure of your age and what I have to say may not be appropriate.

Answer 9

Clearly, if they love eachother there is going to be no rape involved. I dont think she would sleep with him if she did not feel comfortable. You just need to relax. There are no signs that make him out to look like a rapist so why stir up the pot when theres nothing to mix

Answer 10

Your friend seems to have some deep-seated issues following the rape. She has no need to fear her boyfriend. I would recommend that she talks to a therapist about this. Get her to read these answers.

Answer 11

You Right to worry tell her that they need some time alone to take it easy for their relationship. You are a good friend for questioning this, it won't be your fault if she doesn't choose to listen what you have to say