for fathers and moms?

Question

I am only 10 weeks pregnant so hubby has a long time to think about this but as soon as i told him i was pregnant he stated that no matter what he is NOT going to be in the delivery room because he has a weak stomach and is scared he will pass out. So I will be in the room alone since all my family lives across the country and cant really afford to travel. Fathers, did you go in the delivery room when your child was born, why or why not? And Moms, did any of you have this conflict with your significant other or go through this alone? if so, how did you feel about it, or how would you have felt if you loved one didnt go in with you?

Answer 1

My husband was there when both our children were born. He has a very weak stomach so he stood by my side, facing me until after the baby was delivered and cleaned up a little. My doctor reassured us that very few men end up on the floor at deliveries, they even allow them to stay for c-sections! As your pregnancy progresses and you take some child birthing classes, your husband will get a better understanding about childbirth.

You can also investigate hiring a doula who can be there to support you and hubby during labor, delivery and postpartum if needed.

Answer 2

Of course, nowadays very few people actually chop up a cow or chicken for dinner either. (not trying to be crude). North Americans are very separated from the blood-and-guts realities of life. We don't want to see chickens in the supermarket with the claws still attached, or pig heads - like you see in Europe.

In a recent episode of the Amazing Race, some contestants were gagging on having to eat cow snout in Madagascar. For heaven's sake, it's just meat like the rest of the animal. Have you ever thought about where eggs come from?

The closest some of us come to that is gutting fish, which don't seem to bleed real blood that much.

Movies on the discovery channel showing real operations are clasified as "gross-out" even though they should be educational.

SO I agree with him. If he's not ready for that kind of show - especially if it's a cesarean - it's not disrespect. The last thing you need is to lose an attendant or two to have to revive and escort him out and clean up barf, instead of handling the business at hand - the birth.

(Assuming he's telling the truth about his stomach).

He can stay with you until the nurses say "it's time" and then make a bee-line for the exit. I wonder if by then you'll be busy enough that you won't notice the lack of company.

Answer 3

My husband insisted on being there when our son was born. He was so busy keeping a close eye on exactly how I was treated that he didn't even notice anything icky happening. He stayed up by my head holding my hand most of the time and didn't really see much-to be honest he wasn't interested in looking at what was going on down there and from what I hear that's what most men do. Any blood that comes out gets taken care of so quickly I didn't even know how much there was because I never saw it. There is so much commotion happening while giving birth that I think it's pretty hard to focus just on the blood-my guess is that neither one of you will pay any attention to it. BTW- You will have a phone by your bed - even with my husband in the room my sister was on the phone the whole time and she had my mom and dad linked in on her three way feature-so even though we're a military family they could still be there for me even if it wasn't in person.

Answer 4

Its a sad thing that your partner doesnt want to be there, but also if he doesnt feel right, you cant pressure him, the last thing you need in a delivery room is someone fainting. I went through it alone and it wasnt that big of a deal, as soon as you see your baby..nothing else will matter. Youl just be glad to have it in your arms and then your partner can come through. If anything, im glad I did it by myself...im not good with a crowd. Like you say, he has got alot of time and he might change his mind..but if not its no biggie, hes the one that will miss out...not you:) good luck and take care:)

Answer 5

I'm squeamish about this stuff too, and I was in the delivery room for both of my daughters, even though I swore up and down that I wouldn't be. I am SO GLAD I did! It was an amazing experience that really helps you gain perspective and appreciation of just what a miracle the birth of a child is, and how incredibly strong and wonderful my wife is. As strong as she was, she still needed me there for support. If your man leaves you alone in that delivery room, you have my permission to shove the pacenta down this throat afterward!!!

Answer 6

oh poor you.

when i had our first child, he was in the room, he was the first one to hold the baby after the umbilical cord was cut. he went out of the room, searched for my mother and gave the baby to her. after that, he sat on a couch and fell so fast asleep.

my mother said, my husband looked so tired, so wrapped up and so out of energy that it was like he could not hold the baby any longer after he went out of the delivery room. actually, my husband told me that he saw so much blood that seeing me giving birth makes him feel so tired and so worn out.

with our other kids, my husband was there all throughout the labor phase, and only went out during the actual delivery. it was the doctor who insisted that he went out. he said that he was just at the door. maybe the doctor was trying to avoid to have another patient in the room..hahaha

it somehow gave me enough courage to push knowing that my husband was there with our first baby, and his presence helped a lot in taking the scare away. all first time mothers get scared when giving birth. during the succeeding births, even if I wanted him to be there, it was more of a "want" than a "need", but somehow I managed to get through it alone in the room, knowing that he is just nearby. The trust in the doctor is a big factor too, because if you don't trust your doctors, the scare will never go away.

Answer 7

This is tough...you want his support, of course. Well, I can't speak from experience, but my friend's husband was pretty wimpy and she actually thought labor was better without him. He tried to be present for the first baby's birth, but nearly passed out; she said it was better the next two times (without him) because she could focus on labor and not her woozy husband. So you have a few options: one is that he tries to be there, but doesn't have to watch...just standing by your side looking into your eyes. Or...you can have a friend/coworker be by your side as a coach. In some countries, husbands are STILL discouraged from being in the labor room, but a female friend is OK. Maybe that route is best. Good luck!

Answer 8

Tell him that you can't opt out of this, so that means he shouldn't either. You're a team. Tell him you want and need his support.

Get him to take a child birth class with you so that he willl learn and be prepared to be with you. A class taught by an independent instructor is usually better than a hospital one. Hospital classes teach you to be a good patient. Independent classes teach you to be an informed consumer.

If he wants, he can stay up near your head while you are pushing so he doesn't have to see so much of what is going on, but can still be there to support you.

Consider hiring a doula to support both of you. She'll be a lot of help to you and she'll also help show him ways he can support you. Some hospitals even provide doulas for free if you ask ahead of time.

Answer 9

Im a father and i was in the delivery room with my daughter being boren yes i was scared of passing out but they had like a sheet standing from just below the brest down so we was not able to see but as soon as i heard the baby cry i was a looking and damn im glade i did not watch the baby come out i would have passed out but i was ok you will have to have him there for support so you can break his hand when you push like my wife did me he he not broke but felt like it...

GL
Ray

Answer 10

my husband was there for my first but not my 2nd. to tell you the truth the nurses were great and I didn't even notice he wasn't there. I know a couple that the hubby had a hard time having sex after he saw her deliver. How about getting a dula just in case he does not change his mind, I have heard they are very good and may even be able to talk to him into being there for you.