Should I continue speaking to my family?

Question

Today is Thanksgiving and I just told my family, I didn't want to speak to them again.
I am 26 years old and I haven't been able to forget the pain of the emotional abuse I endured from my mother. I have a sister, 8 years younger, that she treats very differently.
It's like my mother is a completely different woman than she used to be. She is now a doting, kind and considerate mother.
The mother I knew called my older sister and I fat, ugly and stupid.
This should not bother me as an adult, but it does.
I am not jealous of my younger sister, just jealous that my mother did not treat my sister and I the same, and in some ways, still does not.
I have deep-rooted self esteem issues that she caused, and as an educated, professional woman, I still haven't overcome them.
When I spend time with my family, I feel worse about myself. Time with them inevitably leads to an argument which I come away from feeling horrible and guilty.
What should I do?

Answer 1

Well, it sounds as if your mother has changed for the better. It can be very difficult to put the past behind you, but that is what you need to do.

You probably should seek counseling, so that you can get the help to overcome those feelings, in fact you should also encourage your mother to attend some of that counseling with you. That way the two of you can work out those issues together.

Should you continue speaking to your family? Yes, take it from someone who spends most holiday's alone. If there is a chance that you can heal the situation, take it.

Answer 2

I can understand why you are angry. Have you told your mother what she did that hurt your feelings? Has she apologized?

Unfortunately she cannot turn back the hands of time and she can only apologize and keep moving forward.

Does she treat you and your younger sister the same now? What did she say when you told her you didn't want to speak to her again?

And if you are angry at your mom, why aren't you speaking to anyone else?

Big question, what made her turn around and become a different person.

I think that if you choose to limit your time with them then just do it. Make excuses and other plans. Don't expect to make every holiday miserable because you cannot forgive and forget. You missed out on a lot of positive time with your mom while you were younger and now you may miss even more. Is it worth it?

This all is dependent on whether or not she is sorry for her earlier actions.

In 8 plus years you can do a lot of maturing, learning, and growing as a person. You learn from mistakes.

Try talking to a psychiatrist. It may help.

Answer 3

In all families the parents cannot equally treat there children all alike . Just look at your fingers they are not all the same lenght. So is the love of a mother. It is distributed accordingly. Being a mom myself I love all my daughters but in proportion and unconditionally . I cannot be sincere to myself if I tell you I love them all equally.. We just read about that statement but it is not true. I am closest to my youngest girl because she is the apple of our eye being conceived 14 years after my last kid.. She is now 20 years old. My other daughters are all professionals and very independent and does not mind the special attention we give her. I have one super thoughtful daughter and I appreciate her but she is not demanding that I love her more than her other sisters. Likewise with another daughter. I am happy to say that all my children love each other and have no rivalry. You are now 26 years old and grow up be more mature. What happen to you happens in other families too. i t is time to Forget it and reconcile with your mother before she passes away. So as not to regret in the future for not doig so. You will one day be a parent too then you will understand your situation. Happy Thanksgiving Day ! Surprise your mom today ! .

Answer 4

I am very sorry you are going through this with your mom, I thought my mom was the only one who could do this to a child.
I grew up thinking I was fat, ugly and stupid. It took my husband, and 5 years of marriage to convince me I wasn't fat or ugly, and it took my 4.0 gpa to convince me I wasn't stupid.
I am 42 years old now, and I still resent my mother for the things she has said and done. She treated my younger brothers like they were princes to a kingdom.
I have been through some therapy sessions, and they seem to help at the moment, but the next time she says something, it all comes back.
I can sympathize with you. I don't argue anymore, because it seems to hurt my feelings worse than anyone elses. What I do is live my life the way I want to, and I do my best to remember that my mom only wishes she was like me. I learned a lot from her, what not to do.
Stay strong, be tough. Remember that your life is what you make of it, and it sounds like you went against what you were taught to believe and conquered your demons. I am proud of you. You have proved to yourself that you are better than that. You do not need to prove anything to your mother. When you are with your family, don't worry about what may or may not be said. Hold your tongue, and if you get upset enough to argue, then tell them you need to leave. It will show a maturity and an intelligence that apparently she does not have.
I wish you the best of luck, and again, I am sorry you would have to go through this. I can almost promise, you will be a great mom if and when you have children. You have learned what not to do, you will know how to love your children and how to encourage them. That is a great reward.

Answer 5

I would tell your mother you don't want anything more to do with her. It's not your sisters fault that she treated you that way, so try to find a way to spend time with them. I am sure your sisters love you very much, so all of you need to be there for each other. As far as your mom. stay away. You will never feel better about yourself. Also find a counselor to go to. They can help you get through and over the self-esteem issues you have.

Answer 6

I've been down this road. This will trouble you the rest of your life (it did with me until my mother died). I recommend you find a good therapist to talk this out with, this is too difficult to answer quickly.

My mother never truly changed and as I got older I actually had more problems with her. I handled that by standing up for myself and telling my mother when she bothered me. That made for some arguments but I felt better about myself.

Good luck, it's a difficult situation.

Answer 7

i became into raised in a non-believing family members. and that i think myself. mutually as family members can in many circumstances ensure no count number if a man or woman has a raffle to be uncovered to show ideals, that's no longer so hassle-free as asserting that a man or woman born in a X family members would be an X for the reason that they are.

Answer 8

i have the same problem except she treats my sister thats 8 years older better. i truly believe my mom thinks i ruined her life. its hard to not want to talk to your family i just told my mom the same. noone will understand you unless they are in your situation. my husband doesnt understand after she has treated me so badly why i still try to get her to like me. just start by taking a break from her. i know how emotionally draining it is to feel like an outsider in your own family so why keep putting yourself through it? i suggest taking a good long break from them and realize you are better then how she is making you feel...good luck i know how miserable it is!

Answer 9

My heart tells me that you should stay away from them if they make you feel so bad, I would, but my head tells me that you need to forgive and try to forget, and maybe try to get some counseling to help you overcome this. Your mother needs help to but I'm sure she doesn't realize it.

Answer 10

you need to do what feels right but family sometimes is all you may have. you never know when something could happen to you or them so try to make peace would be my answer
you dont have to forgive but move on and make a neew start