Do you think that it is unfair that I have to Babysit my 15-year old brother who has autism, ADHD and........?

Question

asbergers syndrome. Yes he has temper tantrums and i am in junior high and he is a sophomore in H.S. and when my mom and Dad are working i have to watch him...But here is the catch i am downstairs watching tv and we have a PS2 and he lives on the PS2 and the computer but when he dies on either one he throws a fit and starts pounding on the futon that is detroyed and pictures of my dads medals (he was in the army) start falling off and he does not care all he cares about is the playstation... Can You give me some advice please that would be greatly appreciated!!

Answer 1

It sounds unfair. But being part of a family is about coming together as unit and working towards all of your happiness and prosperity. If you parents have to work and can't be provided with a care worker to watch you brother then I guess they have no choice.
I must be very difficult to have a brother with these syndromes and I have alot of respect for you for looking after your brother...its not a task any of your family asked for and I'm sure you love him very much.
Its sounds like you should sit down and talk calmly to your parents about this when they are not busy themselves(ie not stressed). You need to be objective and explain that it is too much for you as a 15year to be looking after your brother all this time, you have your own life too. Would it be possible to get a care worker that could come and watch your brother when they work. Or could you come to a compromise where you look after him less and someone else watches him(care worker/sibling/family member) at other times.
I'm from the UK, so US may be different but in the UK your family would be entitled to a full-time care worker for free. Maybe your family are entitled to something similar.
ISSuE;HE BECOMES VIOLENT TO YOUR FURNISHINGS WHEN HE DIES ON PLAYSTATION
With this you need to make your parents clear on what he does and how it makes you feel(does it distress you?). Further I think that you a should keep in mind the Police have a duty to come round if you feel unsafe or he is going to far. Nothing bad will happen to your brother they will just calm him down and restrain him(reasonably). He won't go to jail as they will understand his symptoms. Its important to know that the Police are there to help citizens not just catch criminals.

Answer 2

I hope it isn't longer than 1/2 hour to an hour that they expect you to babysit!
You are a child and you do not have professional training in how to handle these meltdowns.
You probably realize he can not control his behavior or tolerate these kind of frustrations. Asperger's (which is a form of autism) is a developmental disorder. He is not as mature as he should be for his age. People with asperger's are not able to handle frustrations that are manageable for other people their age. ADHD also has low frustration tolerance as a symptom. so you will probably have to figure on at least one of these episodes each time you are babysitting.
I would not know what to do in the case of an asperger's person having a meltdown. I would try to keep them safe, keep them away from breakable things and let the tantrum run its course. I would not interfere too much as long as he was not getting hurt.
However, since this happens so often, there should be some plan in case of a computer crash or the PS2 not working. Some plan on how to deal with the temper tantrum. Your parents should be in charge of devising such a plan. He is their child, and therefore, their responsibility.

I would also let your parents know that you need some support in this. They should have someone else in the house with you so that you are not alone with your brother. This situation is too stressful for a person your age.
Any support group or therapy they go to for your brother should have resources that would help them find a caregiver for the short time between when you (and he) get home from school and when your parents get home.

Answer 3

Take all items that are breakable away from him and the room.

Remove all items from walls/tables/shelves that can fall when he decides to act the fool.

Put padding around the controllers and the console in case he has the bright idea of breaking them.

And get yourself an ipod so that way when he goes nuts from missing a jump or something equally meaningless, you aren't bothered by it.

He may be your brother, but he's not your child. If he's beyong your control then you shouldn't feel such pressure and should just do what you can to make sure he doesn't destroy you or your other family members possessions.

That's what the familes of my friends with siblings like that did. You can never reach them, so all you can do is basically put them in a safe spot and leave them alone. Any kind of intervention is a garunteed way of causing a shitload of grief.

Answer 4

I am assuming that you are left to babysit your brother for long periods of time, or left the responsibility all the time? Occasionally, I think it's fine. there will come a time in your life when you will see where you have learned from it and grown from it. It takes a lot though. Patience for one. A big one. I have a niece with the same issues. I give my sister credit, I could never do it. My niece is 8, sounds and acts 3 or 4. Smart as a whip though. Consistency is important. They don't like change. How about letting him know that it's not OK to act like that and tell him you will help him clean it up before your parents get home or else he can't play anymore. Talk with your parents about the issue at hand and see what they think. If it's too much of a burden on you, let them know. They aren't making you watch him just because, it seems like for good reason. You will prosper far more than you think from this experience. You a good daughter and a good sister for taking on such a heavy responsibility.

Answer 5

If he is getting to a size/age where it will be difficult for you to help manage his temper tantrums, then yes, I think your parents need to come up with alternatives. It puts you in physical danger.

Otherwise, try to remember that his conditions are not something he chose, this is something he has to live with as well. He needs your care, protection, and sympathy. Autistic people don't navigate this world they way most people do. They desperately need structure and pattern. When this is disrupted, it's a painful event for them.

Is there any kind of support group nearby that you could attend, and possibly find help for dealing with an autistic family member? I know they exist.

Answer 6

listen budday if he will listen try talking to him once after the tantrum is completely but i wouldn't push it and make sure you're not an *** hole just ask him if he would come help you pick up the medals. don't be a dick or he will not help you it just won't work if you are.
and it's the luck of the draw don't think it's unfair you're lucky to have a brother so take it for what it's worth and get over how unfair things are some times

Answer 7

Your parents need to provide you with a structured plan for your brother when you are in charge of him. A written plan, I might add. Also, you three should discuss this matter and talk about your issue with this and how you could better manage the situation with your brother. Also, your feelings about it. Your brother is unable to control his behavior, so it's up to your parents to come up with a plan. There really needs to be a support person you could call (an adult) or who could pop in and check on you two from time to time.

Answer 8

well it sounds like your brother has it worse. its probably hard but if you love him you should try to help. maybe get a punching bag or some toy that you punch so that when he gets mad he can hit that instead. sounds hard for you too having to take care of someone so destructive. Patience is all I can say for that. Understanding how he might be feeling not be able to express his feelings the way most people can. Best Wishes

Answer 9

Oh my! He is older then you? NO WAY!

My youngest has this and is epileptic, and ADHD, and does not like to be touched, and, and, and. He is watched for very brief times by his OLDER brother. Otherwise he will come with us. I would never subject a younger child for his care!
If your older brother is like my youngest child I feel extremely bad for you!
This is something you really need to bring up to someone at your school!
Please do not take it out on your brother. He can not help how he is, and your parents are not taking responsibility for your brother and this is what angers me...I understand family and taking care of one another but this is beyond this!

BTW pretty obvious know one up there who posted so far has a clue about his condition....How alone you must feel!

Answer 10

I dont think its unfair that you have to babysit him. He needs you to help him. As far as the tantrums not much there I can help you with, maby put invinciblity cheats on for him, but outside that I dont know, move the pictures and metals and things he can brake.