Hi I am 19 and am getting married to be wonderful Italian fiance in two weeks time. I am scared about the wedding night as I am a virgin and want to remain a virgin for the rest of my life. Dont get me wrong I love my fiance but I have been brought up to believe that being a virgin is the best thing. What should I do? I really dont want to call of the wedding as I am head over heels in love with my fiance.
Thankyou!
2006-11-23 10:46:54 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I meant my wonderful italian fiance not be a wonderful italian ... sorry for the mistake!
2006-11-23 10:48:02 · update #1
Thankyou to those who have taken my issue seriously.
I do not want to become a nun. I was raised to be miss perfect and I was the goodie two shoes .. I have never drunk alchol, smoked or done anything unsauvory in my life. I feel having sex would ruin my reputation. I want so much to be with my fiance but am neurvous about what people will think about me .. as well opening up to him .. in such a way..
2006-11-23 10:58:56 · update #2
Your "perfect" reputation is intact if you've maintained your virginity until marriage. ALL cultures expect a husband and wife to have sex, because the main point of marriage is to produce children. Most religions also encourage married couples to be "fruitful" which requires having sex.
A man will expect to have sexual relations with his wife. It is a natural, normal, and healthy biological function. You could express your nervousness, and ask him to be very gentle and considerate.
I understand that you may be afraid to have sex the first time. It is a very special experience and will become more and more so with time. If you and your fiance truly love one another, it will be amazing as you become more comfortable with it.
2006-11-23 10:48:57 · answer #1 · answered by HearKat 7 · 10⤊ 3⤋
Marriage means sharing all of yourself. It also means procreation. God blesses sex in the covenant of marriage as an expression of love in a relationship as he intended it.
Where did you get it into your head that virginity is the "best" thing? In the Bible, it talks about staying UNMARRIED and a virgin the best thing, so that you can give your total attention to Christ without distractions of having to care for a family....not what you are proposing.
Virginity has it's time and place. However, if you are one of the people in the world who really feels called to remain a virgin, then you need to call your wedding off. Right Now.
Even if you dissappoint everyone, even if you get frustrated, even if people are mean to you about it, even if yout fiance Says It's OK - He does not know what he is promising to live in a sexless marriage. You will ruin this love that you both have together if you do this. Eventually, one or both of you will grow bitter towards the other.
If you insist on this course of action, the only way you can remain a technical virgin is to not have intercourse that breaks your hymen. So no vaginal penetration. That leaves anal sex, oral sex and mutual or solitary mastrabation. Unless you intend to share your husband with another woman, but I am not even going there - although he might...
However, this does not maintain the virginal purity of your spirit.
*sigh* I hope you call this off before you make a mess of things.
At least tell your fiance about your concerns in this matter. He may be able to help you work through this better than anyone here can.
2006-11-23 10:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by tankgirl 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I see where you're coming from, but to me it sounds like you are missing out on a whole lot of wonderful things in life just for the sake of having that 'perfect' image, or because you're scared. Seriously, sex is a wonderful thing if it's between two consenting adults, especially when they really love each other. It isn't 'wrong' or 'dirty' - it's natural and healthy. It can really enrich your relationship with your partner giving you a particular type of closeness you just can't get any other way.
Does your fiancee know that you plan to be a virgin for the rest of your life? Because if he doesn't, he has a right to know before you are married. You can't expect a man to marry someone and accept that he's never going to be able to have sex with her. What happens if he wants kids of his own? It's a natural instinct for men to want to have sex and make children with their wives/partners and just saying 'no, you can't' is not going to stop that urge. If he can't make love to you and create a family with you, eventually he will find someone else to do it with. He will probably also feel very hurt and wonder what is wrong with him to make you not want to have sex with him, which could cause a rift between you.
Sex is a wonderful, natural thing and you should just loosen up and enjoy it! Just think, on your deathbed would you rather be regretting the fact that you've missed out on so much in life, or thinking "Well, I made some mistakes but at least I lived my life to the full"?
P.S. Some advice for the first time (if you decide to do it): The first time is inevitably going to hurt a little bit or at least be a bit uncomfortable, so use lots of water based lubricant such as KY Jelly. It makes it so much more enjoyable and virtually pain free.
And try to relax - being tense will just make everything more difficult.
Anyway, I hope that, whatever your decision, everything works out for you : )
2006-11-23 15:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your fiance. He has the right to know your thoughts.
If you trust this man enough to be with him for the rest of your life he will help you understand. I wouldn't worry as much about the wedding night you and your fiance probably will be lucky to be awake after such an eventful day/week up to the main event. If you relax a little you may find your thoughts changing. Consider premarital classes. Remember no matter how you were raised you are here that means you wouldn't be the first in your family to no longer be a virgin consider taking to mom or another female relative.
2006-11-23 13:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by emmandal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would agree that remaining a virgin is a good idea, when you are not married. Because I don't know if you were raised within a religion, I will couch my answer as best I can. In the Bible, men and women were created to pro-create, that was the idea. However, it was meant to be done within the confines of marriage. So while I agree that remaining a virgin until marriage was a good idea, I wonder at remaining one forever. I would imagine this is something you definitely need to discuss with him. Maybe he wants children and I'm sure he wants to consummate the marriage. I am very strongly urging you to talk with him first, so you can make the decision together.
2006-11-23 10:57:40 · answer #5 · answered by Infamous B 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Congratulation!!!!.
But as to ruining your reputation, as long as you are married it is O.K. to have sex. look it up in the bible or ask your pastor or even your parents.
marriage is a serious life altering change that if you are not ready for you should get advise.
it is beautiful to know that you will be sharing your life with someone that you are head over heels for and i hope that he feels the same way about you.
as for the wedding night, it is going to hurt a little but if he got skills and be gentle with you it will be enjoyable for both of you. and again congratulation on being a virgin and getting married.
good luck play your favorite music maybe have some champagne but one thing make sure that you are relax and comfortable or it will hurt more. and have fun
2006-11-23 13:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by fancy4not 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i would strongly suggest you either get a book to know what to expect or talk to someone, you love and trust maybe your fiance...obviously not your family because growing up and believing you must be a virgin for the rest of your life to be good, was not the message you should have received, so i will take a wild guess and say that sex is not discussed in your home. Good luck to you sweatheart and educate yourself on sex, don't just listen to what is told to you ...go find out for yourself....congrats to you and may your new husband be everything you have waited for....
2006-11-24 04:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by lindazgardner 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you are more "pure" being a virgin, that's fine while you are not married. However, if you never want to have sex, and therefore never have children, you NEED to discuss this with your fiancee before you get married! He may really see this differently than you, and this is something that will need to get worked out, perhaps with marital counseling.
I hope you realize that not being a virgin is not a bad thing- especially once you are married! People expect married couples to have sex, and there is nothing wrong with it. Good luck!
2006-11-23 12:19:28 · answer #8 · answered by miz e. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My poor dear (and I mean that in a nice way),
You really should consider speaking with someone you can trust, someone who understands you and your situation.
Most folk on here (including me) are not qualified to answer this question properly.
You need to seek someone who can.
On a personal note, as a married Sasquatch, He needs to know your thoughts before the marriage. Otherwise, it will not be a true marriage. It takes two to make a marriage work!
IMHO,
The Ol' Sasquatch Ü
2006-11-23 13:35:15 · answer #9 · answered by Ol' Sasquatch 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, after a few times, you'll be glad you're no longer a virgin. Making love with your husband is something so wonderful. Good luck with your wedding, and just relax on the wedding night. ~~~
2006-11-23 10:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
There is such a thing that 2 people got married in the Catholic Religion though, and they both wanted to be religious and holy, and didn't want children. Both agreed to NOT having sex at all, but living as brother and sister in love and religion. This particular couple lived a very distinct and holy life that they became saints. Perhaps you want to be a nun or a consecrated virgin where you can devote your virginity to God, and a Bishop will perform this ceremony. Blessings.
2006-11-23 11:27:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋