My husband and I have been married for a year, and I recently found out I was pregnant. We're both college educated with white collar jobs, we own a house, and we're financially stable.
My husband asked me to abort the baby. He said he just didn't feel ready. I refused, and I felt like he had begun to come around.
We told my in-laws, and the first thing my mother in law said was "you don't have enough money, and (my husband) won't be able to get his master's degree" (he never intended to). She makes jokes about how the baby is a mistake, and tells us repeatedly that we should have waited.
She asked me today what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her baby stuff would be great, 'cause that would help us save money.
She replied, "Well, if you wanted to save money, you should have thought about that before you went and got pregnant."
My husband laughed and didn't say anything. When I started to cry, he told me to grow up. What do I do?
2006-11-23 10:45:58 · 27 answers · asked by Bobthebuilder 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
A baby is one of the most stressful things in your life. I've got two surprise babies wrestling on the couch behind me and they constantly drive me nuts but I wouldn't trade them for anything. Sit down with your husband find out what is really bothering him. It will mean a change to both of your lives and its scary. Don't worry about the in-laws, they will come around eventually or don't let them come around. Check for local resources on marriage, family and financial counseling also talk to your church or find a church, they usually will provide a great network these times.
2006-11-23 10:52:29 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your husband and in-laws are not going to be much help. I would stay way from the in-laws as much as possible. When you have to be around them, don't let them get away with putting it all on you. Tell them that if your husband didn't want kids, he should have had a vasectomy.
And being emotional is part of being pregnant
I hope you have some family and friends you can talk to when theings get you down.
DON'T abort just because your husband doesn't want the baby. If you do it for him, you will just resent him for it.
Start planning now for the time when you will not be working ( for however long that may be) Learn to live on one income.
And when the baby arrives, your mother-in -law may surprise you and become the perfect grandma
2006-11-23 12:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can I tell you. You chose poorly when you married your husband. Let me ask you something. How much could your husband possibly care about you, let along your children, if he could so callously suggest abortion at all. But then to harp on you like that and his family acting like that.
Let me be blunt, they sound like sociopaths and if you didn't have a child on the way I would tell you to get as far away from them as possible. But, you are married and DO have a child on the way. The best chance for you and your baby is to have him stay and be the husband and father. Problem is, I have real doubts about if he will do that. He is extremely high risk for abandoning you and your child when you need him most.
If you have an older brother or father, it might be a good idea to ask them to get into his face for you. Such attitudes require yelling, screaming and perhaps a beating (it's that serious). He needs to be made to understand what his responsibilities are as a man now. They are not optional and he is already not living up to them. He simply cannot be allowed to slide farther away from them or else he's going to be thinking to himself that he can simply abandon you so he doesn't have to be hassled with a child. BAD situation to be in chica. You better handle it....and quickly.
2006-11-23 10:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are having a tough time when you should be happy and excited . Don't worry too much about the opinions of your in-laws, you are having the baby not them and as for your husband he may still be coming to terms with it all and once the baby is here I'm sure he will feel differently to what he does now. All the best and congratulations.
2006-11-23 10:49:46 · answer #4 · answered by TB 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've got a momma's boy. I think it's pretty ridiculous to want an abortion just because you don't feel like you want a baby. I think at this point with the support (or lack thereof) with his side of the family...you need to do what's best for you and the baby. Also I would seriously consider how serious your relationship is to this guy. I'm not the biggest fan of divorcing over little things, but this sounds like one of the MANY things that you have had to deal with over the year. I think it's your body and you get to make the decision. He donated the sperm, he should own up to it.
2006-11-23 10:51:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is the one who needs to grow up, not you. I would sit down with him and have a little heart to heart. You never "went and got yourself pregnant;" your husband and you created a baby, one of the many effects of sex. You need to be firm in what you want and stop taking crap from your relatives. It might be extremely difficult for you, but it will save you and your unborn child in the long run if they understand exactly where you stand and know their boundaries. Right now they are walking all over you and you're letting them. Stop that; take control of your marriage and your relationship with the in-laws.
2006-11-23 11:12:54 · answer #6 · answered by chamely_3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats absolutely horrible and i feel for your situation totally. Your partner and In Laws are selfish people as far as im concerned. They seem to be putting all the blame on you and none on your partner. Your partner did donate those little "swimmers" just as much as you donated the egg for this and they should be staying out of it. Abortion is not a right, its a privilege and if you feel uncomfortable with aborting then you shouldnt go through with it. Nothing is worse than making a decision you may regret later and if you feel you made the right one then so be it.
If your partner is not willing to face up to the responsibility as a husband and life partner and as a father in the future then you may have no choice but to make these decisions by yourself as to whether you stay or leave him. I would just hate to see you change your mind just because he isnt "ready".
Im going through the same situation with my Father and my In Laws. (but my partner is with me all the way). I fell pregnant in March this year and they dont want me going through with this pregnancy. My Mother In Law ignores me and my pregnancy and my own Father pretends that im not even pregnant.
I know how hurt you must be feeling but go with your head and your heart. I hope you gain the courage and strength that you need to get through this for both yourself and your child.
2006-11-23 10:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by gr33n_3y3d_grrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen girl your husband needs a slap in the face, If you want the baby then keep it, you will be the one raising it anyway. As for as the in laws tells them that it is there grandchild and if they dont want it then dont come to visit when it is born. And once they hear you stand ground then maybe they will realize that they have been folish. As far as your husband get him involved and maybe when the baby is born, one look in its eyes will change his point of view. If you abort that baby you will regret it the rest of your life.
2006-11-23 11:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by Kendra M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground, you didnt make the baby by yourself. If your husband has mixed feeling about it, thats HIS problem. Dont make it yours. And as for your mother-in-law, ID put her in her place real quick. You need to let her know that this is a happy time for you and if she cant share it with you then she doesnt need to be around to make you feel bad. Its that simple. Take control of the situation. A baby is a blessing. Congrats and God Bless.
2006-11-23 11:03:55 · answer #9 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let these negative people ruin one of the happiest times of your life! He sounds like a spoiled brat and he is threatened as he knows the child will take up your time and he won't be first anymore....wah, wah. Give him his walking papers. He won't change after the baby is born. He will be worse. You do not need to put up with this kind of verbal abuse (exactly what it is) and neither does that innocent child. Cut your losses early and take him for child support, medical for the child and college, as well as his life insurance (irrevocable). The he can go back being on his mommies breast. Good luck!
2006-11-23 10:55:25 · answer #10 · answered by ladygwen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋