How to best shrug off a helpful yet flirty man because he has a girlfriend?

Question

I met a man through uni classes. Intially, he asked for my number and set up a time for us to have coffee and study- later that night I found out about his girlfriend. Since then he has been very touchy- hugging, patting my arm and even my leg. When he found out my car had broken down he directed me to a mechanic who fixed the problems and gave the car a solid tune up for way under cost. When he found out my job had cut my hours, he arranged for me to work for a friend of his next month. I respect his relationship despite the feelings I have for him and when I try not to sit near him it is almost like encouragement. What would be the best way to exit? I need the work but emotionally cant afford the guilt of becoming more entrenched with an unavailable man.

Answer 1

Before you put an end to his helping you with a job, I would just tell himup front that you appreciate his help but you feel very uncomfortable with the physical contact (hugging etc) and if you have to you will end the friendship unless he agrees to keep it entirely platonic and respect your physical space. See after that. If you didnt need the job I'd advise a total cut off.

Answer 2

Seriously, you are leading the man on and letting him have the availability to pat, hug, etc. Because you are accepting his "help". If you want to exit, I suggest that you do NOT take his help and advice, etc. If he finds a mechanic to help you with your car and suggests one, then say Thanks but I am going to take it to....(wherever) If he says he can save you money with this other guy tell him again, "Thanks but I want to handle this on my own. "
He is aware that you went to coffee with him, know about his girlfriend, have let him touch your leg, have accepted his offers of help and advice, etc.
He doesn't know you want out unless you clearly tell him. Just simply STOP accepting the help, Drastically reduce the chit chat and small talk so he can conveniently find out that your hours were cut, etc. He will get the clue that you have limited access to yourself and he may ask why. Tell him as honestly as you can that for some reason you are having guilt and you wholeheartedly believe that your intuition is telling you something of importance. That you need to get away from him because he is unavailable to you and it makes you uncomfortable.

Answer 3

It sounds like this guy obviously isn't very good news as he already has a girlfriend, but still chases after girls....

Even though he is going out of his way for you, you have done the sensible thing in wanting not to be with him. And as for the touching, you shouldn't let anyone touch you in a way you don't like....

You have to sit down with him and just tell him that you're flattered but you don't want to get into a relationship with him. He should take the message and I would try and avoid him if possible....

I hope this helps!

xx

Answer 4

Tell him point blank. Don't play games. Let him know you prefer to keep boundries since he is off limits. WHen becomes available tell him to look you up. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. Walk away and show him you mean business. Seems the decision lies with him.

Answer 5

Tell him that you just want to be friends. If you let him keep coming on in the end you,him and his girlfriend are gonna be hurt. Don't take the risk of ruining a friendship.

Answer 6

Tell him that you really appreciate his help, but that you hope that he understands that your relationship with him at the present time can only be a professional one.

Answer 7

maybe he is just genuinely being nice or helpful in a friendly way and because he has a girlfriend and you know it he feels comfortable being helpful. I don't know...follow your gut.

Answer 8

good kick in the balls might help. if not pepper spray.