I found out my boyfriend had cheated because he told me. He said that he felt bad and that he couldn't look at me without feeling quilty. How have you found out if he was cheating and did you take him back? If you took him back, how did you learn to forgive him?
2006-11-23 08:57:04 · 20 answers · asked by Moore's Babe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have. It took time for me to forgive him and vice versa. He told me that he cheated on me and once I just knew.But we were having problems. Guys don't just tell you for nothing.Don't be easy on him about it though-let him think he can just do that to you and it doesn't matter. Make him work for you and your trust again. It hurts like hell and alot of people just say to leave but sometimes leaving doesn't feel any better. He had to prove it to me. Time is a virtue. Forgiveness isn't really learned, it was just a need because it was the only way that we would work out.
2006-11-23 09:18:20 · answer #1 · answered by RoxieC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hun, I have never been in this situation but I know that no matter how much I loved him that if he cheated....I would not take him back. Don't let him put any blame on you either! Of course he cannot look at you without you feeling guilty! And in some "manly" world...it makes sense for him to tell you that...hoping you'll feel sorry for him and just forgive him. For him to cheat on you means NOT that you weren't good enough but that he doesn't respect your feelings and doesn't love you and need you as much as he said he does. If he did he wouldn't even THINK of wanting another and he would control ANY thoughts OR feelings toward another women! Once a cheater, always a cheater....sweetie...you ROCK! You deserve the best that life has to offer...so go get it...because its not him!
2006-11-23 09:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I took my husband back. I found out because he made it obvious (even though he kept denying it). I think he wanted to get caught.
Forgiving can only take place if he is willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with you. Best wishes.
Dr. Phil has a lot of articles on infidelity. Here are 7 questions he says must be answered in order to know if it can work:
1. Is this an isolated event or a pattern?
2. Does partner own his bad behavior or make excuses for it?
3. Does he have insight into how he's hurt you or is he oblivious?
4. Is he sorry for his choice or sorry he got caught?
5. Is he willing to clean up his act, or is he in denial?
6. Is this out of character or does he have an insensitive gene?
7. Is this a legacy or new behavior?
http://drphil.com/articles/category/5/21
2006-11-23 09:01:47 · answer #3 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found out from someone I wasn't friends with that my boyfriend cheated and hid it from me for three months. He only kissed her, from what he told me, which isn't the case at hand. Its betrayal. He betrayed me. And let me tell you. I stayed, and I am still in this same relationship (2yrs+) and I just have to say one thing. If you can learn to trust that person, not only are you strong, independent and confident, but you can probably get through about anything in life. Its so hard to forgive because at first it feels like you're almost betraying yourself by not being mad anymore. He hasn't cheated on me again, because he knew that I am the best thing that ever happen to him. So think about yourself. He betrayed you. Can you trust him again? Or will you wonder all the time and let it eat you alive. Do you love him? Do you doubt him? These are all questions you have to answer yourself. Good luck, this is never hard.
2006-11-23 09:07:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been cheated on bout every guy i have ever dated they are pigs most of them.....if you decide to forgive them you really never will it will haunt mind forever everytime you look at him everytime you guys are doin your thing you trust for them will be very low but you always have to keep in mind if you let them get away with it once then they think it is ok to do it again...he was a real man the tell you most wont do hat so i do give him props...but from experiance i would leave him for now make him feel horable for what he has done let him kno what he is loosing give a week or two and if he is still begging for forgiveness take him back but you have to be stronge let him kno that he has to gain your trust back if he dose it again your gonna have to be stonge and let him go hes not for you you can find someone better who will treat you right and the way you need to be treated goodluck and i hope everything works out for you
2006-11-23 09:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by chelsae c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my personal experience. I had a boyfriend of 8 years cheat on me....I went back with him. I never really forgave him for it though. Eventually I fell more and more out of love with him, just knowing he could be with another girl. We are now split up (my choice) and have been for two years. I am completely loyal to my partner, and I expect the same treatment. So you can try getting back together with him, but unfortunately you will never look at him the same way again. It would take years of dedication for him to make it up to you. Good luck
2006-11-23 09:04:38 · answer #6 · answered by lucky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That has happened to me before...and I took him back...I felt all wrong after that because I felt like I couldn't trust him anymore...there isn't really a way to learn to forgive him because whats done is done...the guy that cheated on me became my friend and at this moment in time our relationship is escalating to more than friends again....so try to find it in you to forgive him...but if you can't then just be friends...
2006-11-23 09:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I was cheated on too. My boyfriend was sleeping with my boss when I was at work. I didnt take him back and I move 2000 miles away from him.. It has been 2 years and I still want to be with him.. YOU just cant once a cheater always a cheater..
2006-11-23 09:07:28 · answer #8 · answered by Cathead01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love someone you learn to forgive but it takes a LONG, LONG time to forget, there is no TRUSTin the relationship and every time he goes out you'll be wondering who he's with, it turns u into an ugly person, your boyfriend obviously didn't feel bad or guilty at the time, WRONG wordz to say , he is lying, he wants you to feel sorry for him and things shud b ok. I'd say leave him you deserve better, there is someone out there for you, someone who's gonna love you just the way you are, where no-one else is gonna make his head turn, where you don't haf to worry wot he's up to.
2006-11-23 09:11:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I learned from a friend and no I didn't take him back we were together for 3 years. 7 years later he still cheats on his now girlfriend.
I am not saying that you shouldn't take him back, at least he told you about it. I think that shows alot! he is sorry!
2006-11-23 08:59:07 · answer #10 · answered by brenda4ever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋