I dated a Mexican guy for about a month. We quickly became close, talking and seeing each other all the time. He has all the qualities I'm looking for. But then he announced that he felt immature and inferior compared to me; I have a degree, a teaching career, a house. He feels he has nothing to offer--and won't listen when I tell him it doesn't matter, we want the same things in life, and that I care deeply about him, my life's not that perfect either, etc. I can't seem to just get over him, even though it was only a month. What should/can I do?
2006-11-23 08:50:43 · 6 answers · asked by gNat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't have to be Latino to be clued in on the cultural differences. Latinos value "machismo" and more traditional gender roles. At least your man was honest with you about it.
The last thing you should do is to take it personally and to fault yourself for his feelings. You are not responsible for his feelings, as he is not responsible for yours.
He would be more compaible with someone he feels that he is more accomplished around. He feels that you are more accomplished than him.
Most guys who feel intimidated by their partner's success do bad things to try to elevate their ego, or "get back" at their partner in a passive-aggressive way. These things they do are cheating, porn addiction, reducing women by stereotyping, objectifying, and reducing them.
Your man was honest and has integrity. Such a shame to lose one like that. Maybe, if you want to work it out with him, you could figure out what it would take for him to feel equal to you.
Maybe that would mean taking some online courses, some nght courses, or something that would certify him in a trade skill. And if you were to get more involved, maybe it would mean selling your home and moving to one together. A new home is not yours or his, but rather neutral territory that you get together.
Maybe you could take some courses with him in something that interests him. If he's into carpentry, then take shop classes with him. If he's into motors, then take automotive courses with him. Maybe if he saw that you were willing to try and possibly fail at something he could be good at, he would feel more machismo.
Sure, he is a Latino, but he is a man first. All men want to be strong, admired, powerful, respected, appreciated, attractive, and saught after. Some cultures value certain things more that others, like the ability to provide and protect.
2006-11-23 09:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That vato's trippen. If you were my chica you'd be a keepa. He needs to let go of his pride. A women treats you good and successful thats awesome. If he can't get over that, you need find you a better mexicano who can understand. He needs to look at it as just a relationship between a man and a women not thinking one bigger than the other. I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck chica.
2006-11-24 16:43:07 · answer #2 · answered by vato 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is absolutely right ! You have only lust for him. You are just physically attracted to him. Go find someone your own level. You must be with someone you can be proud to be seen with. Someone you would not be ashame to introduce to your family and friends if he has not finnished any degree at all how will you both be mentally compatible. How can he actively converse with you and your collegues. Is he just good in bed ? There are many like him out there but for a permanent relationship use your head.
2006-11-23 17:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Those Mexican men have that effect. If he is not listening now, he won't listen when you are in a long term relationship. Think about that.
2006-11-23 16:57:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you hurt his male ego ...a strong confident woman like you would make him feel inferior ....nothing you can do ..it is his problem ..he wants to be macho...and the provider and have a nice little woman dependant on him and waiting on him with baited breathe ,,,,,,,,come on ...your an intelligent woman ...do you really want that for you ...or do you want what you deserve ..someone who sees you and accepts you for what you are ...as you are ...your choice!!!!!
2006-11-23 16:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by pineforestkim 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you need him in ways that he doesn't realize and that you'll help him get to where you are so that he won't feel inferior (which he is not).
2006-11-23 17:07:23 · answer #6 · answered by monkey 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋