Hi. I'm a christian needing some one's advice.?

Question

I am a female talking to a male christian friend. We talk alot over the phone and I we just talk in general.He said he is attracted to me,he would marry me but I don't agree to that.We are only friends so he tried to control his feelings. The problem is I always feel like I've sin when I speak to him some times. I get this feeling like I've done something wrong and I am really scared am doing something wrong. Do you think this could be because I am afraid to have feelings for anyone. What can I do to change this feeling because I love to talk to him.Anytime I told him my guilty feelings he want not to talk much but then I always want to hear from him. What do you think?

Answer 1

If you want to have a relationship, you should not feel guilty. I assume that you are saving yourself for marriage because you are a Christian. I am doing the same, but that does not mean you cannot be attracted to him physically as well as emotionally. Just put God first in your relationship and always remember to honor God and your bodies and you should be fine! :) Good luck and God bless you both greatly! :)

ALSO--pray to God and read His Good Word..the Manual..the BIBLE! :)

Answer 2

First off ur doing nothing wrong and yes u r scared of loving someone so I suggest u try to get close to him but if ur not doing anything that God doesn't approve of then don't feel guilty about nothing but when ever u two go out on a date and u feel like ur too attracted to him then u should pray to god for the strenght to hold off until the time is rihgt.

Answer 3

If you are unattached and are just talking(not having phone sex) they why do you feel you are doing something wrong. It is okay for male and female to have a friendship. Where is the sin?Unless you think that since he has told you he is attracted to you and wishes for the relationship to advance you somehow feel guilty that your feelings don't match his. Or are your feelings for him growing past where you wanted them to be? Only you can answer these questions.

Answer 4

You are a chirstian, but you are a woman first. You are a human being. Maybe the distortions you have been taught through your religion are causing you to feel guilty.

It seems to me that you are hiding behind religious faith as an excuse for your own anxiety and baggage.

Relax. If the lord didn't want us to have these feelings of attraction, he wouldn't have made us the way he did. You don't have to control your feelings, just your behavior. (Tell that to your man, too).

To try to control everything negates the meaning of faith. Faith is about surrendering control to a higher power, not always understanding but ACCEPTING that there is diving meaning. Faith is about TRUST and acceptance. Faith is not about control.

Rejoice in your feelings. You should. Especially the ones that feel good inside. You should, however, control your behavior as to honor yourself and others, and never dishonor another person.

Maybe you feel the rush of infatuation (which is a biological response to chemical overproduction) which happens between certain personalities. If you let it, sometimes infatuation can grow into love (which is calmer, more comfortable and relaxed). Sometimes, it doesn't grow into love.

If you take the time to get to know someone, you give that infatuation a chance to grow into love (or not). This is why you should avoid psysical intimacy before really getting to know someone (or marriage). Sometimes infatuation fades into loss of interest, and if you have been physical too soon, then you may feel hurt or used.

Physical intimacy too soon in a relationship ruins the chances of the infatuation growing into love. Infatuation has to fade slowly, and your body's "new relationship chemicals" overproduction subsides and makes way for new long-term relationship chemicals that promote a long-term comfort, acceptance, security (that love is all about). If you have sex too soon, before you build a relationship that can stand on it's own, then there's not much more to really get to know about you, so why stick around?

He said he would marry you and you are not interested. He was just testing the waters to see if you were ready for a committment. If you are not, there's nothing wrong with that. You have to kiss a few frogs before you are able to spot the one that will turn into a prince. He was testing the waters to see of you are marriage-minded, and to see how compatible you two are. It doesn't always mean that he wants to marry you NOW.

What could you do wrong? Are you trying to please evryone else in the world but yourself? Are you a chronic people pleaser? Give that up because no one cares. Jesus called and he said he wants his cross back. There's no way to be alive without making a mistake or pffending someone sometimes. Bid deal. Get past it. The sky won't fall and you won't be struck down by lightning. Quit walking on eggshells and take a chance.

You are not responsible for the feelings of other people. No one else is responsible for yours, either. Get over yourself.

Maybe you fear emotional intimacy because you have never trusted anyone enough with your deepest darkest secrets (stuff you wouldn't tell another living soul) to not exploit you or judge you for it.

Maybe you are carrying baggage because of your past, like harboring feelings of rejection, resentment, insecurity, distrust, suspicion, anxiety, and excessive self-doubt.

No man wants to carry that baggage around for you. No one should have to anyway. It's not their fault that you have been hurt in the past. That's why you need to lighten the load.

Give up feeling like a victim, and accept what you cannot change. Seek wisdom and look for the opportunity behind each obstacle.

You might fear having feelings for someone because you may feel it to be a weakness, and feel too vulnerable.

So you overcompensate by rejecting him beofre he can have a chance to reject you (as if he would in the first place). "I'll get you before you can get me". That is scarred psychological skin. That is baggage, and you need to drop it off. Baggage contmaminates relationships.

Quit using religious faith as an excuse for your baggage and anxiety. The lord does not judge us for our emotions, only our behavior. You are dishonoring yourself and your man with your behavior.

Surrender control of your emotions and trust your man to lift you up (don't assume he will squash you). Make amends with him by showing empathy. That is how the lord wants people to honor each other, by sharing love.

Answer 5

Why would you feel like your sinning? I mean it says in the bible that everyone is meant to be with someone! Well i think you guys should start going out and take a uh..."test drive", and see how you guys would feel going out for a while!

Answer 6

First, I think you have misinterpreted the Good Book. If marriage is on the table, then God would not consider it a sin to have a normal, mature, healthy relationship.

Answer 7

it is not a sin to talk to someone over the phone and enjoy it, don't feel guilty about feelings this is what makes us human, get to know him better.

Answer 8

not trying to estrange your beliefs or anything, but i think it's unusual for you to consider merely 'talking' to your friend a 'sin'. maybe you should stop counting sins--that could be a sin in itself!
so just talk to the guy and be cool about it. you're safe.

Answer 9

every religion is same. there is no discrimination between the religions.so dont keep any discrimination in your mind.

Answer 10

u got strong faith, like me. and i had the same problem. but i dont know wat to say, its just hard these days to control ur feelings and have strong faith. try to keep him off ur mind, no matter how bad it gets, dont do anything serious.