Should I kick my 20yr. old son out?

Question

I am a single parent & I have brought my son up since he was 2. I love him but he's letting me down badly with his weekly rent. I know he has a crap part time job but he won't get off his **** to find a better one

Answer 1

I, myself am 22yrs old, i have a wife, son and successful job, and am almost complete with my bachelors degree. Ask him where he wants to be in a year....5yrs...then 10.....whatever he says....tell him he can't get there like this...and let him know what he has and where he gets it from (you). Ask him if he likes what he has...then tell him he needs to do his part....life doesn't get easier...it only gets harder.....and to get a head start is vital to success.....I know this is random.....I hope it helps light a fire to talk with him.

Answer 2

No with christmas coming up tell him there are plenty of other part time jobs and to go and get one give him beans or egg on toast for his dinner and tell him it's all you can afford let him see what he would get elsewhere if living in the real world and life is not easy so don't make it easy don't do his washing and other things he won't like it but tough then if he don't bother find him somewhere to live that he will have to pay for and he will soon get his act together Good luck have been there and wow there were rows only it worked

Answer 3

My sister still lives at home at 27.
Yeah.
She pays "rent"...50 dollars every three months...IF she has the money.
She has a full-time job and receives government assistence, as well, but often just "doesn't have the money".
If you don't want your son to stay at home for the next decade scot-free, yeah, kick him out.
He'll either learn to live with the sad reality of life the rest of us deal with, or he'll at least learn what a good deal he has at home now, and how he'd rather pay that than deal with everything else that comes along with the real world.
I don't mean to be harsh, but, God forbid something happens to you, how will your son survive if he's never learned responsibility? If he were under 18, he'd receive assistance; however, as an adult, it's time for him to learn how to survive on his own.

Answer 4

We are in a similar boat, with a 23 year old at home. He was told in July that he needed to get a real job and move out and is still at home. He does pay rent and I told him it is increasing for each month he hangs around. He is working 40 hours a week at a jog that he seems to enjoy, but it pays no benefits and he is looking for a room/apartment to rent. We live in Southern California and rents are very expensive and he doesn't have any credit history to get approved for a place. I'm being patient and bug him every week for a rent payment. I even go on craigslist.com to find local rooms for rent to entice him. He has looked at a few places but wasn't approved for them...

Answer 5

Do what would happen in a real situation. Go to the breaker box and shut off the power to his room, then his water, and then his heat (block off the vents). When he gets caught up on the back rent turn them back on. Then do what my parents did to my sister; keep upping the rent until it becomes more financially sensible to get an apartment somewhere else......My sister was out in a couple of months and never came back.

Answer 6

If he genuinely can't afford to give you much rent then he shouldn't be able to afford to go out much (you didn't mention if he does or not). If he isn't contributing much to the rent then he should be doing regular chores such as washing, ironing and hoovering. All the same at 20 years old he should be working full time or at least have two part time jobs. Tell him its your house and while you are happy for him to stay if he pulls his weight and pays his way its your rules that he has to abide by.

Answer 7

That's a hard one laser, maybe it's time for a little tough love, find him a cheap place to rent, he might not like it at first but in the long run once he finds out the cost of running your own place you hopefully will get the thanks you deserve and maybe if need be you can help him again by putting him up again until he finds something better. Best of luck

Answer 8

U need to kick him out in he will see how it feel that's the only thing u could do to him so he can know how it feel to live on his own. Then he will probably come back in he would be better than he use to. Then by then he would have a full time job.

Answer 9

Had the same situation with a son at the age of 23. And then a year later with a 21 year old daughter. It was hard to make the decision to cut each of them loose -- particularly the daughter. (And both left with no money because they did not bother to save any -- which was their purpose for living here.) But it was the best thing we ever did. Within months, each of them became more responsible. It was hard, at first, because they struggled and it was tempting to let them come back home or hand them money. But, we kept firm about our decision, and once they realized they had to take responsibility for themselves, they began to do it. Before we cut them loose, we told them why. No arguing or hatefulness -- just plain facts. We set a deadline for them to move, explained the new boundaries in the relationship and stuck with it. No financial help was offered for months -- and then only after we saw positive changes in attitude and a real effort on their part to take personal responsibility. And then, we offered only small things like helping to purchase new brakes, etc. We kept in contact and had regular "date nights" so that they didn't feel cut out of the family -- kept phone conversations light and upbeat. We made it clear they weren't being punished -- they were being made to grow up. A big difference. Our daughter thanked us about 6 months later. Our son is still a little sore about it after a year, but we had to be tougher with him because his lack of initiative was a bigger problem to handle and more ingrained. For me, the "freeing" moment was when I realized that I deserved a life of my own -- and then took the steps to claim it. My children deserved a life of their own, too, even though they didn't realize they were missing out at the time. It's not fun. It's hard to watch, at first. But it's probably the best thing you can do. Try not to be squeamish when he struggles, at first. Lend a hand only when it's a hand-up and not a hand-out. And give him an opportunity to solve his own problems before you jump in -- if you do. Bottom line: Set a deadline for him to move out at your convenience, not his. Don't take him back home once you boot him out and make sure he knows you're serious. Let him know he's not being punished (and wait a couple months to contact him if you need the emotional break), and still have him over as a guest for dinner, etc., so that he still feels a part of your life. Hope this helps!

Answer 10

it relatively is not a query of kicking him out, this could in all probability harm your relationship. Ask him why he would not want a job and spot if there is any reasoning at the back of that. Is it simply by fact he had a foul adventure final time or only undeniable lazy. it relatively is not a query of ought to he get a job and help himself the two, that's a query of motivation and unfastened-will. he will ought to come to the tip some day. After speaking to him approximately his loss of motivation or in spite of that's which could be bothering him so as he would not elect to go out by utilising 20 (a splash unnatural for the early 1920s). in case you detect out that that's certainly out of sheer laziness. If the worst comprises the worst. take drastic measures. His destiny is in possibility. YOU KICK HIM OUT. do not difficulty approximately housing and all that. enable him warfare somewhat and choose precisely how plenty he ought to artwork and how plenty he ought to earn to get the life he needs. shop tabs on him, in case you think of he won't be in a position to do it, tell him to go lower back and help to place him on his own 2 ft lower back (yet this time he will have the hot information of survival and distinctive rooftops)

Answer 11

It would be a shame to add to his problems by making him homeless - it's not going to help his cause. Sit him down and say that he is an adult now and if he wants to eat, he needs to contribute to the home. Point him in the direction of the job centre and tell him that if he doesn't come home with at least the paperwork then he's not getting any dinner.