I'm in high school. I am also religious, yet intelligent. I wouldn't mind dating, but I have fairly traditional views on the matter: No premarital sex, and no contraceptives. I am fairly conservative , which is a huge problem because the area I live in is extremely liberal and atheist. I also don't know how to approach the issue. My beliefs are my life, and the only other thing I talk about really are movies/video games on rare occasions and academia (like math, books, etc).
I don't want to date anyone just for fun, but I'm worried that my political convictions will ruin the future, as my religion and opinions will come into play with marriage. So I am only looking for serious relationships, but is there a chance for one? It seems like my girlfriend would clash with me, and that would be a problem.
The other thing is sense of humor: I'm fairly serious but sarcastic. Dating would be serious for me, but that's not today mentality of the young gen. What can I do/do I have a chance?
2006-11-23 07:28:35 · 9 answers · asked by Aegor R 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A note: Dating will always be serious to me, period. If I don't have fun with someone, obviously the relationship will go nowhere. But I cannot even begin dating someone with no future in mind. That's the problem.
About the girls at my Church: To be honest, they still disagree with me too much religiously and politically.
2006-11-23 07:37:15 · update #1
IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE, YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT IT'S NOT AL ABOUT YOU.
IF YOU ARE INTENT ON MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU, THAN YOU CAN ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU WILL REMAIN ALONE FOREVER.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT COMPROMISE AND NEGOTIATION.
There's nothing wrong with your beliefs, but you can't expect to make others believe what you believe.
You also have to have RESPECT for the beliefs of other people, and ACCEPT them.
You are smart to think about how your beliefs, political views, etc are compatible with a perspective partner, but you have to allow for the fact that NOT EVERYONE THINKS JUST LIKE YOU.
Yyou should date people for fun. That's the best way (actually the only way) for you to learn more about yourself, what you want and need from a partner, what you require, what you will and will nt accept from someone, and what you are willing to give someone.
You have to see what types of people are out there, how different people handle things, and you have to face possible rejection and even get your heart broken a few times.
You have to experience all that before you will be ready to be a partner to anyone.
It looks as if you think you can find a person to squeeze into your mold of what you think you want a partner to be. You appear to think there is a person out there, tailored to your specific needs. Wake up. Think about this. The right partner for you will challenge you to become a better person, to be a partner, and be willing to accept other people.
Think about this: THE MEETING OF TWO PERSONALITIES IS LIKE THAT OF TWO CHEMICAL ELEMENTS......IF THERE IS ANY REACTION, BOTH ARE CHANGED.
Maybe you don't want to date for fun because of possible rejection or emotional pain. Well, that stuff happens. How you handle it builds character.
You claim to be so passionate about your beliefs. Are you Christian? Jewish? Muslim? Budhist? Whatever your faith, you have to remember one thing. Pure faith is all about surrendering control, and having faith that there is a reason why things happen.
You seem to have control issues. Have you considered that you may have a touch of OCD? You probably have a touch more social anxiety than average (yess, we ALL have some social anxiety)
I know, most people do, but maybe you have a little more. Do you believe that you need to nail everything down yourself, or the world will spin out of control? Or do you TRUST yourself and your ability to handle the spontaneous and unexpected? Do you have to plan everything or are you adaptable? Do you rehearse things or are you good on your feet?
Self-preservation is that pesky little tendency (we ALL have) to believe that our actions are justified, our views are correct, and that our priorities trump all others. Wars are started over this. but wel ALL think this, so there's bound to be conflict.
Some of us have EMPATHY, the ability to see BEYOND our own perspective, and accept that of other people (even if we don't agree or understand). We ACCEPT other people's differences and ideas. The rest of us have to LEARN how to have empathy. Empathy is the singlemost attractive human quality.......
You need to have faith in your faith, give up control to it, grow some empathy, experience emotional intimacy with different people, and face your fear of rejection. You need to stop being so self-absorbed and start to make it about other people. It's not all about you. That is completely narcissistic and narrow-minded.
Your beliefs don't eliminate your dating possibilities, but your attitude all but guarantees solitude. Try making someone's day rather than expecting them to make yours. Give your time and attention to others. Make it about them. It will feel good inside to you.
Volunteer your time (a few hours a week) and one of the Salvation Army volunteer opportunities. You will meet many different people with many different beliefs and attitudes. Your effort to a charitible organization will be appreciated by others, regardless of your beliefs.
You will learn to appreciate diffefencrs, and maybe even meet someone you would like to get to know better. And if she is also a volunteer worker, that alone will tell you that she cares about other people, and that contributing to the community is worth her time and effort.
That way, you wouldn't have to "date" so much to have the opportunity to get to know people and be around them.
You could also join a fitness center, a cooking class, yoga or a martial arts class. regular meetings will allow you the opportunity to see people and get to know them without having to "date" them.
Relax on the sarcasm, too. People often use sarcasm and jokes to convey messages they are insecure about simple ststing. It's as if they can avoid taking responsibility by claiming humor. It's transparent, and you're not fooling anyone. A little sarcasm is all right, but don't overuse it or you will annoy people.
Quit worrying so much about the approval of other people. Quit hiding behind your anxiety (yes, your stubbournness and control issues ARE merely displaced anxiety). Start making it about other people. Compliment people. Notice them and their effort to be noticed. Ask them questions about themselves (Think like an interviewer) and make positive observations.
You will be surprised at how good it feels when you make someone's day. People will feel good when they are around you, and they will want you around. You will feel more popular and welcome.
Who cares about the fact that you have few interests to discuss? Ask people about THEIR interests. You may find new things that interest you that way. Try to be more flexible and accepting, too.
2006-11-23 08:13:21 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has to kiss some frogs to find the person that's right for them. You will have to accept the idea that the woman who's perfect for you may not share all of your ideas or beliefs. That would make for an extrodinarily boring relationship, anyway. :) Compromise will always be key.
Since your religion is central to your life right now, the church is probably the best place for you to look. If the girls who attend your own church are not to your taste, try looking for events held by other churches in your area. For instance, my friend's church holds a quarterly Manhattan cruise and lunch that hundreds of people from around the city attend from dozens of churches.
Friendship should always come first, so why not cease worrying about it for now? Cultivate friendships with the girls you already know, and you'll be better informed about their personalities and how to treat a girl you're actually dating when she comes along. Your schooling should be your priority, anyway.
2006-11-23 08:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sola_Balisane 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pascal's Wager only works if you assume Christianity is true. Otherwise, there is no God figure to wager against. From a nontheistic standpoint, it is too vague a reasoning to consider. Alright, I contend that it would be better to believe in God than not to, but which God do I choose? Again, Pascal's wager assumes the Christian God is real. Faith is a necessary condition for these arguments to work; arguments that attempt to prove God's existance or necessity in the first place! Behold, the atheist's counter-wager: Live your life well, and do all you can to help mankind. If God does not exist, at least you used your one life well. If God does exist, he will reward your love and kindness. If God does not reward you simply because you did not believe in him, that's not the kind of God you'd like to spend eternity with anyways.
2016-05-22 23:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey ROCK ON MAN you don't know how great it is to hear I am not alone in this quest. I am a sophmore and I am in the same prediciment. I say stick to your beliefs and find a girl who can respect you and your beliefs ideally one who believes the same as you, and bring your beliefs into everything you do and it will keep you in good conciense and your relationship healthy
2006-11-23 08:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by 1-4-all 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest you don't go looking for girls in bars and strip joints. Go to your Church and find a nice girl who has the same background and beliefs as you do.
Not a big deal, dude.
2006-11-23 07:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Alan 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You probably won't find anyone for you in that area. Wait a while, move to a more conservative area when you can, and then you'll have a greater chance of finding someone.
2006-11-23 10:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't want to date for fun? Excuse me, but that's the whole point of dating. Dating isn't politics or religion. It's going out and learning how to relate with people of the opposite sex. Don't make it more complex than it is.
2006-11-23 07:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
well, with this generation, women could somehow find you boring & too serious about life..people of this generation are more of the outgoing & fun loving individuals! however, there will always be someone who can meet up with your expectations & who will have the same interests with you..Ü
2006-11-23 07:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by -= Qtee =- 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2006-11-23 07:31:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋