How many chances can you give someone??

Question

I've been with my gf for nearly 2 years, and there have obviously been good times and bad times.

The main problem is that she's almost always really depressed and moaning about either her job or her money, not having any friends etc.. I've put up with it for this long because I keep thinking she'll get over it, become a more positive person. I really can't take much more of this, it's really draining having to comfort her etc - sometimes I need someone to lift my mood!!

When she is in a good mood everything is great but I've tried everything to cheer her up without any luck. I feel helpless when she's down.

Will she ever sort her life out and change?

I'm thinking of ending this but I'd feel so guilty of making her feel worse when she's down already...

Any advice?

Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Answer 1

I've been in the same situation, except I was the girl. Truthfully, I finally split with my ex-fiancee after four years of tearing him down. It was horrible. I loved him, but I just couldn't get over how bad my own problems were...and was pulling him down with me. My advice would be to take a break. See how she reacts to that. My ex and I took a break, and thought about getting back together after a few months. But in the end, we found out the reason that we ended up staying together was his fear of hurting me, and my fear of losing that comfort. She'll be okay. She might just need to understand how draining her life is on others surrounding her. That's what I did. And now I'm in another happy relationship with a man that saw me at my lowest and still loved me. I'd say, just give it some time apart....where she doesn't have to depend on you for support. See how she does.

Answer 2

Personally, no I have never been in this situation. Thank fully, May I add. However, perhaps if you love her you to encourage her to go and get some sort of evaluation and make sure that she does not have a clinical depression or clinical issue leading to her depression. But you know better than anyone here, if she is just a chronic complainer. And if this is the case, she probably will never change, some people enjoy just acting miserable and helpless and really don't want to do any better for themselves. Drama is a key factor in the lives of some people. If she is making you miserable you can but should not stay with someone out of pity and fear of making them feel bad. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 3

I WAS her. Be patient, and no matter what life throws her way, let her know that it will pass, everything is ALWAYS okay eventually. There's no reason to dwell on what isn't, what was, etc. If you don't have the power to change it, accept it. That's all you CAN do. Love her and definitely don't leave her during this time. Your love alone might be what saves her. Although she may not be one to be able to sort through things in her mind, she may need to see a doctor to get her on some anti-depressants. From my own personal experience, they only made me worse and dependant on something that didn't even work! Try all the first things I said, then let me know what kind of progress she's making. My boyfriend standing by my side helped me see the sunshine again...don't leave.

Answer 4

Maybe your girl should be on anti-depressants. Has she seen a doctor? Being in a relationship with a person like that can be difficult. It will never change though, it will only get worse as you get older. Think of your future with this person. She will only drag you down all your life and make you miserable. I would seriously consider moving on. Don't worry about how it makes her feel. This is where you have to be "selfish". Imagine looking back on your life years from now and being dissapointed you wasted so much time trying to make someone happy who doesn't want to be happy? Remember, there are a lot of other girls out there. Good luck :)

Answer 5

Sometimes complaining and whining can become a bad habit, particularly if one's spouse or partner are very comforting and supportive. It sort of spoils us, and we find we enjoy the comforting we get after a hard, nasty day.

Look at her family, are they a group of negative people who complain constantly? If so, she may not change because this is what she has learned. But, if not - maybe she has just developed a bad habit and can be made to stop. If you love her, talk to her , tell her that her constant negativity is really hurting you and the feelings you have for her.

Come to an agreement, that when she gets home from work, she has 10 or 15 minutes to get it all out, then your turn....hug and snuggle each other for comfort then move on and force yourselves to find some positives to share.

Seriously, if she can't change, you might be sentencing yourself to a life of negative crap - really think about it before signing up.

Answer 6

Your in a tough place..it's hard to always be the one too keep the glass half full. I'd be honest, lots of times people don't realise just how negative they are, especially if it's about everything and not just one area of life. I would ask her what makes her heart sing, what would (if anything) make her happier, and what changes need to made in her life to feel more thankful for what she already has. (including you) Most importantly let her know that if she cant figure it out she might need to access professional help or you will need to soon yourself!

Answer 7

There is a simple answer to your problem: If you cannot accept her EXACTLY the way she is right now then walk away for good. Trying to change people NEVER works. There are people in this world that will never be truly happy and are unhappy most of the time. You have to move on and find your happiness somewhere else.

Answer 8

Tell her that although you love her, it's time for her to get over herself that there's more to life than blatting about it. I don't mean to sound cruel, but I went out with a guy for 3 years who was like this. I ended up leaving him because of the negativity.

Answer 9

I think that you should only give a person 3 chances. You shouldn't just stay with her to make her happy. Obliviously, she is miserable or she is playing head games and testing you? But why should you stay with her if she brings YOU down. You need someone to lift you up. Not bring you down.

Answer 10

Hook her up with some Zoloft. Worked for my ex. Good luck.