Why doesn't my boyfriend pay attention to me?

Question

He's currently in AIT (if that doesn't make any sense, he's in the Army and is going through his advanced individiual training). He's living in the barracks with two other room mates. What bothers me is that when he calls me or I call him, he'll talk to me, ask me how I'm doing etc. but he's constantly talking to everyone else in the world!!! A while ago the DS's took away the company's phones for a few days and when he got his phone back of course we hadn't talked, but instead of taking out the time to go outside or get away from the commotion to talk to me, he played a card game (that was rather routy and "the guys" were being really loud)! I mean, what the heck? You don't talk to your girlfriend for days and when you finally get to, you don't even take out the time tohave a decent conversation with her? I told him to call me back later and he said "OKAY!" GRR! So I guess my question is...why do "the guys" have priority over the g/f who patiently waits at home 500 miles away????

I would ask him if I didn't feel as though I were being needy or spoiled BY asking him. lol I dunno I just feel pushed to the side, ya know? Maybe a soldier could explain this twisted concept to me. lol!

I would ask him if I didn't feel as though I were being needy or spoiled BY asking him. lol I dunno I just feel pushed to the side, ya know? Maybe a soldier could explain this twisted concept to me. lol!

I would ask him if I didn't feel as though I were being needy or spoiled BY asking him. lol I dunno I just feel pushed to the side, ya know? Maybe a soldier could explain this twisted concept to me. lol!

I would ask him if I didn't feel as though I were being needy or spoiled BY asking him. lol I dunno I just feel pushed to the side, ya know? Maybe a soldier could explain this twisted concept to me. lol!

I would ask him if I didn't feel as though I were being needy or spoiled BY asking him. lol I dunno I just feel pushed to the side, ya know? Maybe a soldier could explain this twisted concept to me. lol!

Answer 1

It's just the stress and excitement they are under. My husband is in AIT and alot of his friends are like that. They figure because they have thier phones, they can talk to you anytime, so they'll just talk to you later. Tell him exactly how it makes you feel when he doesn't take time out for you and then tell him exactly how to change that. Come up with a very clear solution. Make it easy for him, and he is more likely to do it.

I also find that there isn't all that much for them to talk about with us. Alot of times they aren't allowed to talk about school (which is what they have been doing all day) so make sure you have something to talk about when he calls.

Answer 2

The best way to get a man's attention is to have fun doing your own thing. Don't make a big deal of ignoring him, just make your own plans, have fun, like yourself and any guy worth the time will notice you & how fun you are and want to be a part of your life. If that doesn't work then he doesn't care enough to be worth your time!

Answer 3

Make the most out of the time that u do talk. There will come a time when he can't call u for days, even longer. Just don't dwell on the little stuff you'll see what I'm talking about if end up marrying a military man, or just been his girlfriend. Just be patient he has a lot on his mind now that he's really seeing what the military is going to be like. It might sound like fun in the background to you, its really a release to them.

Answer 4

I don't understand why he is that way unless maybe putting you out of his mind helps his time go by faster. My husband is in the army and there are times his soldiers seem to come first, but that comes with the territory. They are a part of our family, they are the ones who are going to keep him alive while they are deployed. When you are involved with someone in the military you are going to have to get used to not being top priority all the time, but you should be given your time also....it took me some gettin used to. I don't think asking him about it is going to make you seem spoiled, an open line of communication is key to having a good relationship. You do have good reason to be upset though, he should have enough respect for you to talk in a quiet place or tell his boys to chill out while you were on the phone.

Answer 5

Okay not trying to sound cocky here but would you rather he be depressed? He gets a little time of not getting a crash course in military life and he's enjoying it. If he didn't care he wouldn't call at all. Weather you realize it or not you are the only real thing out there as a anchor or life vest. Be happy for the times he is like this because there will come a time when the only one that will be able to help him through the tough stuff is going to be you. I wouldn't ask him nor would I tell him how hard it is for you. He has enough to deal with right now.

Hang in there it will be worth it.

Answer 6

Basic training is really tough and you can not just walk outside to call you because he is not allowed just to walk outside. He calls when he can and the "Guys" are becoming his family, his comrades. They eat together, they sleep together, they train together and later some will be stationed in another unit together. He knows not what he does because Army life is taken over him and you will see it when you meet up with him. Before giving him the boot you should write a good girlfriend letter, sexy but not to sexy, tell him that you miss him and the next time he calls he should have more of a private conversation with you. Letters are private and he has to read it privately. If he does call you more privately you should tell him you like talking him more in a private environment because those few minutes are the only time you have together. If it does not work then wait until he comes home to tell him what you think then its your call on what you do. Good luck

Answer 7

He is probably very busy.. Ask him what is up with him. It is really hard to be in a situation where someone just doesnt pay attention to you, especially when it is your boyfriend. I believe that he doenst mean to do anything wrong to you. But i guess he likes to socialise with others.. He is trying to build up new relationships and friendships with 'the guys'. He is searching for some adventure. He probably wants some time off home and just have some fun with these guys and he will come back to you as soon he arrives home.. I guess you should ask him whats going on.. Good luck!

Answer 8

Those with a military background who have responded have given very good answers and suggestions. You should talk to him about it. I only have one thing to add.

In order to survive as a military wife or girlfriend, you must accept that he's married to the military first. If you can't accept being #2 at best, this life is not for you.

I realize I put this very bluntly. However, that was the way my aunt (who was married to a 30-year Marine) put it to me when I said I was going to marry a Marine. I'm glad she did. My message may be blunt, but it cannot be misunderstood.

Answer 9

There is a camaraderie in the military that creates pretty strong bonds, and those outside cannot understand. He has gone through some fairly intense training, and has had to rely on these guys to help get him through it.

It is not that he doesn't appreciate you, but the training environment he finds himself in has overtaken his life. Just be patient, he will be more balanced when he's finished with AIT.

Answer 10

he is trying to relax with the boys !! the last thing he wants to hear is how awful it is home or how good when he is in the army!! and plus when the boys are there he cant get all emotional with you on the phone they will torture him lol cheer up