Why do mothers favor sons?

Question

I feel like my mother favors my brother, but tries to compete with me . She seems to think that my brother can do no wrong.

Yet, she looks down at me because she thinks that I am not as good at household duties as her. She was not a professional and I am.

She also looks down at me because my marriage failed because my ex was controlling, money-minded and abusive. She has been married to my father for 43 years.

We have never had a close relationship and now I feel that she idolizes my brother. I don't know how to deal with it.

She does not know that my sister-in-law was forced to be nice to her. My brother said if she did not patch up with my mother, he would call it quits. That's why my sister-in-law is now being nice to her. She thinks that its genuine. I have not said anything to her.

My mother praises other families but I feel bad because of my family not being complete.

Answer 1

Sounds like your brother was well groomed in the "controlling" department; He actually threatened his wife to get along your mother? That is downright pathetic. Well, wait until his wife gets her fill and she's gone. Mommy will really get the "real story."

Your mother is a control freak. She is the one that is miserable sweetheart. You are likely doing something that in her heart and mind she wished that she had done for herself....and that is to be confident, career oriented, goal oriented and (if you only knew what she probably went through in those 43 years) and your strength to get out.

I would say that you have allot to be admired for and your mother likely does not know how to show it to you. Stop feeling that she is competing and she favors your brother over you. Do you realize how much she deep down has to think of you with regard to the fact that she "could not" mold and conform you - yet, you became your own person, your own woman?

It is very hard for people who are control freaks to actually show praise or emotion. They come across as self serving and know it alls. When infact, inside they are broken in a million pieces and don't know how to get out of it.

I recommend having a heart to heart with your mother. And your brother. Separately! point out all of the things that she contributed to you while growing up that made you a better person. This will allow her to let go of her self seeded issues (that have nothing to do with you). It's kind of like, having your own relationship with your mom and not trying to go through your brother to have it. Also, you need to form your own relationship with your brother w/out going through your mother. Make sense? *S*

Good luck, things will get wayyyyy better! & Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer 2

You know I'v never understood the trend myself. My mother loves me, I know that, but she does favour my brother. It's like she has a desire to look after him more than the rest of us (I have a sister). She'll bail him out quiker than me or my sister and she's more likely to feel sorry for him and dote on him even though he's 23. She's always enabled him to be irresponsible and so he's a worse person for it.

On the other hand, fathers to tend to favour daughters. 'Daddy's little girl'. Fathers tend do dote on daughters and show them more love then they would with a son. Maybe this is the reason mothers over compensate with boys.

I'm sorry your mother treasts you like this. Maybe she doesn't know she's doing it. Perhaps if you sat her down and told her she's making you feel inadequte she would stop. Anyway, you're a grown woman, you're clever and beautiful. You don't need your mothers approval, try to take her critisisms with a pinch of salt and move on.

Hope this helps. ('',)

Answer 3

You have the same problem i had i was straght up w/ my mom told her how i felt ,i have a sister it is like that in every family w/ 2 kids, like 2 ,girls 1 of each,2 boys.all u need to do is tell ur mom how u feel & if that dont cute the cheese then stay away for a while call once a day & keep yourself busy.It works i did everything this was my only way for me.

Answer 4

Nowdays, in this world it has been going on as a tradition or ritual. Here all mother praises son , and father daughters. But parents who are good support and love both of them . In this world most mother r being very superstitious. They feel like if they give birth to a boy the r great. They feel that if a girl gets birth she would be a burden to them. But the boys a comfort. Because they can earn . But in time, now girls can also do things that boys can. Now most educated people do not believe this. Still half of our earth is filled with un-educated who always see things with there own point of view. And it also has been going on as a tradition. Never mind with these small matters . Don't make it be affect to ur relation with mom . Because it takes years to built a relation but takes seconds to broke. May be if she even heard she would never like to talk to u. So be careful. Listen dear: Rasulullah (s) said : if a girl is born to someone and he didnot bury her as in the days of ignorance, nor looked at her with contempt, nor preffered his sons over her Allah will admit him/her to Jannah. Remember this line all ur life, and always be careful to follow this in future with ur children. Because they may also feel the same as ur feeling. Don't get upset. Perhaps , there are also many child in this world who can never get the love of their mother. And compared to them u r very lucky. Ur not preffered over ur mother but u can feel ur mothers love. Because all the time all happiness of life is not ours. This is just a game of time. To see whether u can pass it or not . I wish u will pass . Thanks for sharing ur question and seeing it with my own veiw. . And pls notify me whether i could solve ur question or not. In future i would like to see more of u. Take care and thanks again.

Life is love
Love is life
But my dear
time doesn't wait for anyone.

Answer 5

Just cuz your family is broken, doesnt mean its not complete, Only you can complete yourself, you know what type of person you are, dont compare yourself to what makes you so miserable.An Ex-spouse or single parent doesnt make you any less of a person, it makes you more of an individual.