I have been dating an african american man for about a year and a half, I am white. I wouldn't really say that we are in love but we are pretty involved. In the past six months I have told my family and they are against having inter-racial kids and thats all they think about. I don't see a problem with inter-racial kids but even more than that we aren't plannin to have kids.. I really like him and I am not lettin race come between us I was just wondering what I can do to make my family a little more open minded..
2006-11-23 02:39:36 · 20 answers · asked by lilmomma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I went through this too but we are know married and have two wonderful children. I had such a hard time with my mother that I finally told her to stop talking to me about it unless she agreed to go to counseling sessions to discuss it. This went on for years and it devastated me. This is what I wish I had said to her from the very beginning: "Your problems with the relationship are just that, yours and yours alone. If you want to discus your problems do so with someone who shares your opinion or discus them with a counselor. But don't make your problems my problems." I hope this helps. Good luck.
2006-11-23 02:49:19 · answer #1 · answered by eightieschic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell you're family how you feel about him. But if you're not in love I don't think that you have a lot to be worried about. If you loved him it would be a different story, but why would you have kids with him when you aren't in love with him. And there is nothing wrong with inter-racial relationships but they way. I'm white and I've been with African-American men to.
2006-11-23 03:03:26 · answer #2 · answered by Moore's Babe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I personally don,t have any issues with this either, I would think about putting off all the ideas of kids and all, till you have decided you do love each other.
Because , earlier you said you don,t love each other, just happy together.
Need to love someone if you plan to spend your life with them, and even more so, if family are having trouble accepting this, cos no good moving away and living with someone you don,t really love, , you will end up lonely, missing family and maybe blaming each other .
I married someone who my family and his family didn,t like the idea of Me being australian, and my husband being maltese.
We defied that and got married, deeply in love, we though, had 4 kids, family came to really all love and get along fine.
After 12 years marriage, all families happy etc, my hubby started having affairs, wach affair he had was with a maltese woman.
His last affair was for 11 years, we worked hard to fix things, but well, he also had an affair with 1 australian woman, who told his maltese lover, she dumped him, I didn,t , but the australian woman got preganant.
Well yes the rest is history, we split so this child would have a REAL dad like our 4 kids did.
He married this woman, had their child the week our first grandson was born.
And do you know, he has had 2 more affairs while in this new (12 yr marriage) to 2 maltese women.
So maybe that tells us something.
Maybe we just thought we loved each other, maybe the same nationality was an important thing we didn,t realise at the time, and maybe, now looking back, we got married not to spite our parents but to get away and be ourselves, maybe we were too young to think things through.
However we are still close, share 14 grandchildren, and I am attending his 60th next Sunday, I turn 60 in Feb, and we are all getting together for that too.
But sometimes well either love is blind, or parents arguing just forces people to do things that they later on may regret.
I don,t ever regret marrying my man, I am proud to share our kids, and proud to be their mum.
Just wish I knew now what would have happened had this woman not got pregnant.
2006-11-23 02:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sandry T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I get ready to head to my aunt's for Thanksgiving dinner, I understand your pain. My dad may or may not be there because he doesn't 'believe in interracial relationships' (my boyfriend is black). However, what I'm concerned about is you say that you aren't really in love. If that's the case after a year and a half, why are you still with him? But anyway, back to the family thing, you can't make them change overnight, some may never change their views, which is sad. The best you can hope for is that by having him around your family, they will eventually come around.
2006-11-23 02:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been through the same thing once your parents and family have made up there minds about ssomething like that they won't change believe me I tried I tyold my mom I was happy and she didn't care so we broke up and it wasn't fair to me You hsould just stay by your man and if you do get pregnat and you two both want it then you got what you wanted and most likly your parents and family will accept the kids if they don't then I think they would be missing out on wonderful and beautiful kids
2006-11-23 02:50:29 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your family may be concerned because inter-racial couples and mixed children have a lot of hurdles to go over. They just are maybe afraid of people talking and giving you a hard time. Or maybe they are afraid that he will hurt you because of propaganda against black men all these years. There is really nothing you can do to change their minds, they have to truly want to change.
2006-11-23 02:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by *~*~*~* 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. If you guys do end up getting really serious, you're family will notice. Once they get to know him, they might change their minds.
I've had similar problems, my boyfriend and I are both white, but we're from totally different cultures. His dad kept on telling him that it was great that he was having fun, but that eventually, he'd find a good Croatian girl to marry. My boyfriend kept on telling him no. She's the one. And now his parents have accepted me into their family.
Keep on following your heart and don't let your family influence your decision. Your happiness is what matters most.
2006-11-23 02:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant do ne thing to change how your family feels,but in return they cant do ne thing to change yours. when the day comes when you have a mixed kid they can either except it or not they will be the ones loosing if they choose not to but why exactly are you planning on having kids with someone you cant even say u love or loves you back
2006-11-23 03:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by mystical 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing. Just live your life and if you are happy and doing well thats all you can do. They'll either see their prejudices and get over it or not, either way you can't REALLY do anything except demand they respect you and your man.
2006-11-23 02:43:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reality is you can't control people feeling about interracial dating. Just progress with your relationship & stop trying to validate it with your parents. It can't put an unnecessary strain on yourself.
2006-11-23 03:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋