hey any one knows a good joke???

Question

i am trying to do a little survey on the best jokes help me out please

Answer 1

OK. 4 husbands are waiting for their wives to have babies. The nurse comes out and tells the first one, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work for the Minnesota Twins!" Then another nurse comes out and tells the second man, "Congratulations! You're the father of Triplets!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work for 3M!" Then another nurse comes out and tells the third man, "Congratulations, You're the father of quadruplets!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!" The the fourth man is banging his head against the wall. All three men ask, "What's wrong?" The fourth man then says, "I work for 7-UP!!!!!!!!!"

Thats funny.

Answer 2

This may not be the best joke, but I think a good one:

Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka."
The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them."

The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk about it"? The man says "No!" and drinks the next 2 shots.

The bartender says "Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles."

The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says "Ok, today was my first blowj**." The bartender says "Hey great, have another on the house."

The man says "No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!"

Answer 3

a man walks into a bar. the place is empty except for the bartender and a monkey sitting at the end of the bar. the patron orders a drink. the bartender says watch this. he claps his hands and the monkey comes up to the barkeep and opens the barkeeps fly and does his thing.when done the barkeep hits the monkey over the head with a sap. the patron says that was something. the barkeep says would u like to try it? the patron says yes if u dont hit me with the sap!

Answer 4

The man went into the butchers and asked for a large rump steak ‘with tons of fat on the outside’. ‘That’s very unhealthy’ said the butcher ‘you’ll get a heart attack’. ‘Never’ said the man ‘I’m as fit as a fiddle, not an ounce of fat on me’. As the butcher looked at him, the man added ‘Go on, then, guess my age’. ’36 or 37’ answered the butcher. ‘I’m 59’ said the man proudly. In any event, he got the steak and left. A few minutes later, as he stood at a bus-stop, an old lady came up. ‘How old do you think I am’ she asked the man. He looked at her then said ‘About seventy, I’d guess’. ‘I’m seventy-eight’ she croaked. ‘Wonderful, just wonderful’ answered the man, then as an afterthought ‘And how old do you think I am’ he asked. ‘I’ll tell you’ she replied, ‘but first let me put my hand down the front of your trousers’. As there was no one around, the man obliged. After three or four minutes he asked ‘Come on then, tell me my age’. ‘You’re fifty-nine’ she croaked. ‘Very good’, the man said in astonishment ‘but how did you guess’. ‘I was standing behind you in the butchers’ she proudly answered

Answer 5

Three blondes are stuck on an island. they have to swim 20 miles to get to the shore. The first blonde swis 15 miles and drowns. The second bonde swims 13 miles and drowns. the third blonde swims 19 miles and she can see shore. Then she says, "I;m tired, I"m going back"

Answer 6

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Answer 7

how do you git your food up